RWAR! a vent

Hey Josh! I'm 52 and have had fibromyalgia since 1996. (I'm assuming that's what FM stands for in your post.) I am very familiar with the mind racing crap. Medication has helped me a lot over the years and it has also caused problems. I've been on several anti-depressants, but I don't think they did much really. The last two I tried were nightmares, so I decided to see what would happen if I stopped taking them. Under doctor's care, I weaned off of them. I actually feel a bit better without them. I also believe they can help. I remember I took Effexor for a pretty long time and I think it helped me.

I ended up losing my job as an executive assistant at a hospital because I was in so much pain and had so much fatigue I couldn't work. I applied for Social Security Disability and of course was turned down. I worked with my doctors and finally found a combination of meds that helped me to function again. I found another job which I liked, but was really physically taxing. I began having panic attacks after 6 years with that employer, and quit.

I moved in with my parents and stayed with them for 4 years. I applied for disability again, wrote to my state representative, kept following up with them and lo and behold it went through.

I found a job doing telemarketing and was alright with that for a couple years, got too sick to work again and had to quit.

After a few months I got to feeling better and got a job through the Bureau of Vocational Rehab, part-time. That made it possible for me to move out of my parents house and get my own apartment again and I've been here for about 5 years.

The pain and fatigue are causing me to frequently miss work again, so I'm searching for a Plan B. If I quit my job, I could live off of my disability pay if I decreased the amount of money I spend on living expenses. I also would probably qualify for low-income housing and medicaid. I just hate going through all that red tape though and low-income housing can be pretty bad.

It's really hard to live alone and take care of myself these days. I'd like to find a roommate/s, but just thinking about that is overwhelming. Lately I've been making an effort to connect more with friends and family. I call people more and I write a lot of email and do facebook. It helps. I know it's not good to stay isolated, even when I don't feel like being around anyone.

When I focus on others it helps. Exercise helps (even though it hurts) and I have a hard time making myself do it.

It's important to educate yourself as much as you can about FM and other health problems (doctors don't know everything), keep good notes and make your doctor answer any questions before rushing you out the door. Keep a notebook for just everyday things. When your mind is racing and you can't remember things very well, it's important to write stuff down. Journaling can also be very therapeutic.

Making these life changes is work, but they do make me feel better.

I recently "fired" my general practitioner and found a different one. He ran some blood tests and found I was deficient in Vitamin D (which I understand is common in FM patients). So he's got me on high doses of that for 2 weeks and then will follow up. I haven't been on it long enough to tell, but I think it may be helping. My doctor is thinking that maybe Savella would be good for the pain, but he hasn't prescribed it yet. When I was having trouble sleeping, Geodon did the trick. Sleeping pills did nothing for me.

One of the hardest things about having FM is that it is an "invisible disease." People in general just don't get it. They mean well, but people can say a lot of stupid things. So when anybody asks me how I'm doing, I usually just say "fine", unless I get the feeling they really want to listen and won't give me a hard time. Besides that, I'm not really lying when I say "fine" because I really am fine in a lot of areas of my life, especially when I compare my situation with others who are living with much worse problems than I am.

Make an effort to relax. Everybody has their own way of doing this (alcohol is usually not a good way, plus it messes with your sleep). Get enough sleep.

One of the best ways to relax that works for me is to lie down in comfortable clothing, dim the lights, put on some nice quiet music, close my eyes and just listen. I have one of those herbal pillows that you can warm up in the microwave and put over your eyes and it's very comforting. It smells like lavender and it's wonderful. A damp washcloth warmed up in the microwave can also have the same effect.

Do whatever you can to change your hectic pace Josh (change jobs or ask your boss to work with you in making special accomodations, move, whatever). Get help from family and friends whenever possible. Try to remove yourself from people that bring you down and don't get caught up in their drama.

I also find participating in forums with like-minded people helps immensely. MD Junction is a good one I found. They have a good fibro group and those people "get it."

My faith and trust in God is probably the biggest help for me. One good thing about having FM is that it has brought me closer to Him. Prayer helps a lot. Reading my Bible helps a lot (I especially like Psalms, Proverbs, and the Gospels.)

You don't have to eat all of those sandwiches Josh. Throw away the ones that are rotten. And the rest, just eat one bite at a time.

Well, nice talking to you and thanks for listening. Keep me posted. ~ Janet

I try just was a low point vent and hit a frustration wall...I tried effexor but it turned me into an almost raging lunatic.
I will just have to take my quarterly week vactions and do nothing on them to recoup.

I hope you're feeling better. Sorry the effexor didn't work. Those anti-depressant meds can really mess you up and sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to find the right meds. I need to make a correction. I told you Geodon helped me with sleep. I had the wrong name (I'll blame it on fibrofog) - it was Gabapentin. It's purpose is not for sleep, but it helped me. I do remember reading it's supposed to "calm the brain nerves." I haven't been on a real vacation for about 20 years. I use all my benefit time for days I can't function. Sounds like you're doing the same thing. You can vent here anytime you want. I vent too, usually on MD Junction from time to time. Your avatar is scary - I bet you like those Chuckie movies. = )

DB, I never knew you had FM. I think my wife has had it for years but was just diagnosed a couple years ago. It can make some of what seem like the simplest tasks very difficult. I am thankful every day that I do not have it. I try my best to sympathize and understand but I am sure that I will always fail to since I do not know what it is like. She was an accountant and several years ago went part time to stay home more with the kids. Well part time led to no time and she has not worked for a few years. She is on an antidepressant and a couple other medicines but I worry sometimes that she is on too many medications. I wish you the best of luck and will talk to you later on the smokeless forum.