Well it has been one whole week now and no cigarettes. There have been urges, but not strong. More like the thought of having one. I suppose its the lingering thought of the satisfaction I held in the past when I had a smoke. Its not anything I can't overcome, it doesn't eat away at me, but it just pops into the brain a few times a day. I still have my last pack from a week ago, 7 of them in there. Feels good knowing I don't have any real desire to smoke them. I keep wondering why I am holding onto them, is it for security? knowing that they are there if I need them? Initially that is why I held onto them, but now I have a plan for them. I want to take them to my wife after a week or two has passed and show them to her, them sit there and break each one in half right in front of her. (She doesn't smoke, btw). Am hoping it will help in gaining her acceptance for my vaping to stop smoking. You see....I been keeping all of this a secret! I think thats why I'm blogging, I have NEVER been a blogger, but it seems to help me mentally (and boy am I mental).
I feel fortunate that it has been as easy as it has for me to quit. It leads me to believe that I was ready to quit, but like many others, I just couldn't completely let go. I have come to terms with the fact that I truly do enjoy smoking and that is what was holding me back.
A lot of my thoughts and feelings I guess can be read about through my posts on ECF. I’m actually surprised at the support the forum provides through its members and their positive attitudes.
Well to get caught up to date. For a couple of days I felt a little loopy. Still experiencing a little loss of appetite. Also a little trouble sleeping now. Was not uncommon before starting to vape, but it just seems more noticeable. I will wake up in the middle of the night more than once, really makes me drag in the morning. Usually I’m a 2-3 cups of coffe kind of guy to get started, but I haven’t really had the desire to consume coffee. Also I totally blew off working out this week. I do feel that it did me some good taking a few days off to allow my body to recover as I just recently starting exercising again, but still, a whole week.
On top of that I feel really tired in the afternoon, either that or come bedtime I just drop out. Not really feeling frustrated with all this (not yet anyways), but I know some kind of change needs to come about soon. I feel that I am just plodding along without direction or motivation.
For a few days I was having problems remembering little things. Like I would call my daughter by the dog’s name and vice versa. Then I called my dog Sam, well his name is Peanut. Sam is the name of the dog we had when I was a kid. I seem to be getting a little better about that though. Also that deal with calling him Sam scared me a little. I know its silly to think it, but it made me feel really old, like seeing my mortality. It also made me think about when my father died. I was told as he was going down hill that one sign that death is close is when a person starts to talk as if they had just seen their parents or family members who have already passed. I have witnessed this happening to others and saw it in my father just before he died. Calling the dog by my old pet’s name made me think of all this in a flashing instant as I stood there in the kitchen, and it scared me.
The other issue that is starting to weighing on my mind is that I am vaping like a fiend! Constantly!
At first I thought it was in to compensate for not smoking, and maybe it was initially, though I am seeing otherwise now. I’m getting the impression that the novelty of using a PV is driving me. The fact that I can vape practically anywhere, without all the hassles accompanying the usual use of cigarettes is a wonderful feeling. But it seems I do it just because I can get away with it
I’m going to have to get a handle on this soon though so that I can get centered and more comfortable with the fact that I am not smoking now. Perhaps I am in denial about the effects that quitting has taken on me? Perhaps I am compensating with the constant use? I also wonder if I am trying to feed a nicotine need?
There is one other aspect has been weighing upon me with all the vaping. One of my initial goals is to cut out the steady financial drain that cigarettes caused me. Granted it wasn’t a large amount compared to other smokers, I figured it out to be $45 a month, which can equate to what some people spend weekly on smokes. But I want to be able to cut that cost in half. I understand the initial outlay for getting set up here, but I will have spent more than what I usually do for smokes by the end of this month. I tell myself though to look at the big picture. I’m off the tar, and carbon, and chemicals. But I also wonder if this is a cop out too. Still feeding this habit in a new way. Damn, why so much self doubt?
But now, thanks to the generosity of a ECF member and some surfing through the classifieds, I think I will have myself set up to, hopefully, go at least a month without any expense. I still have about 5ml of my e-juice that I got with my 510 kit. Got another 30 ml coming in this week. I’m thinking of getting a box of cartos. The blank cartridges I got are refillable, but don’t seem to hold up to cleanings. Pulling out the fillings and replacing them really depletes their efficiency. I can probably get by with what I have left, but then you start to worry about running out.
Which leads me to another aspect to fret over. One thing I definitely DO NOT miss about cigarettes. That constant worrying and keeping inventory. “Oh no, down to my last 6 smokes, gotta stop at the store and get more”. Not having to keep track of when I have to resupply is something I have always appreciated whenever I did not smoke. Plus that guilt you have because you are buying more cancer sticks, and that funny feeling I always had when I have to look the clerk in the eye and ask for my fix. No sir, do not miss it. And this is one pattern I do not want to follow with vaping. “Oh no, low on juice! What am I going to do? I can order now and it will still take time before it gets here!”
Actually that’s not the case, I can get it locally, just maybe not at the prices I prefer, but still, I think you get the drift of where I’m coming from. Of course this all leads back to my concerns over expenditures.
Well so much for my neurotic ranting. I know there was more I wanted to talk about for this entry, but I’m going to cut it off here. Don’t want to get too negative, though I may address those thoughts here soon. Main thing is keeping off the tobacco, just got to keep that in mind. And try to vape a little less.
Oh, and one other thing. I have noticed that some folks have actually been reading my blogs. Wow, never thought that would happen, I was mainly doing it to be able to air out my thoughts and feelings. Hey feel free to comment, good or bad. Am interested in your thoughts.
I feel fortunate that it has been as easy as it has for me to quit. It leads me to believe that I was ready to quit, but like many others, I just couldn't completely let go. I have come to terms with the fact that I truly do enjoy smoking and that is what was holding me back.
A lot of my thoughts and feelings I guess can be read about through my posts on ECF. I’m actually surprised at the support the forum provides through its members and their positive attitudes.
Well to get caught up to date. For a couple of days I felt a little loopy. Still experiencing a little loss of appetite. Also a little trouble sleeping now. Was not uncommon before starting to vape, but it just seems more noticeable. I will wake up in the middle of the night more than once, really makes me drag in the morning. Usually I’m a 2-3 cups of coffe kind of guy to get started, but I haven’t really had the desire to consume coffee. Also I totally blew off working out this week. I do feel that it did me some good taking a few days off to allow my body to recover as I just recently starting exercising again, but still, a whole week.
On top of that I feel really tired in the afternoon, either that or come bedtime I just drop out. Not really feeling frustrated with all this (not yet anyways), but I know some kind of change needs to come about soon. I feel that I am just plodding along without direction or motivation.
For a few days I was having problems remembering little things. Like I would call my daughter by the dog’s name and vice versa. Then I called my dog Sam, well his name is Peanut. Sam is the name of the dog we had when I was a kid. I seem to be getting a little better about that though. Also that deal with calling him Sam scared me a little. I know its silly to think it, but it made me feel really old, like seeing my mortality. It also made me think about when my father died. I was told as he was going down hill that one sign that death is close is when a person starts to talk as if they had just seen their parents or family members who have already passed. I have witnessed this happening to others and saw it in my father just before he died. Calling the dog by my old pet’s name made me think of all this in a flashing instant as I stood there in the kitchen, and it scared me.
The other issue that is starting to weighing on my mind is that I am vaping like a fiend! Constantly!
At first I thought it was in to compensate for not smoking, and maybe it was initially, though I am seeing otherwise now. I’m getting the impression that the novelty of using a PV is driving me. The fact that I can vape practically anywhere, without all the hassles accompanying the usual use of cigarettes is a wonderful feeling. But it seems I do it just because I can get away with it
I’m going to have to get a handle on this soon though so that I can get centered and more comfortable with the fact that I am not smoking now. Perhaps I am in denial about the effects that quitting has taken on me? Perhaps I am compensating with the constant use? I also wonder if I am trying to feed a nicotine need?
There is one other aspect has been weighing upon me with all the vaping. One of my initial goals is to cut out the steady financial drain that cigarettes caused me. Granted it wasn’t a large amount compared to other smokers, I figured it out to be $45 a month, which can equate to what some people spend weekly on smokes. But I want to be able to cut that cost in half. I understand the initial outlay for getting set up here, but I will have spent more than what I usually do for smokes by the end of this month. I tell myself though to look at the big picture. I’m off the tar, and carbon, and chemicals. But I also wonder if this is a cop out too. Still feeding this habit in a new way. Damn, why so much self doubt?
But now, thanks to the generosity of a ECF member and some surfing through the classifieds, I think I will have myself set up to, hopefully, go at least a month without any expense. I still have about 5ml of my e-juice that I got with my 510 kit. Got another 30 ml coming in this week. I’m thinking of getting a box of cartos. The blank cartridges I got are refillable, but don’t seem to hold up to cleanings. Pulling out the fillings and replacing them really depletes their efficiency. I can probably get by with what I have left, but then you start to worry about running out.
Which leads me to another aspect to fret over. One thing I definitely DO NOT miss about cigarettes. That constant worrying and keeping inventory. “Oh no, down to my last 6 smokes, gotta stop at the store and get more”. Not having to keep track of when I have to resupply is something I have always appreciated whenever I did not smoke. Plus that guilt you have because you are buying more cancer sticks, and that funny feeling I always had when I have to look the clerk in the eye and ask for my fix. No sir, do not miss it. And this is one pattern I do not want to follow with vaping. “Oh no, low on juice! What am I going to do? I can order now and it will still take time before it gets here!”
Actually that’s not the case, I can get it locally, just maybe not at the prices I prefer, but still, I think you get the drift of where I’m coming from. Of course this all leads back to my concerns over expenditures.
Well so much for my neurotic ranting. I know there was more I wanted to talk about for this entry, but I’m going to cut it off here. Don’t want to get too negative, though I may address those thoughts here soon. Main thing is keeping off the tobacco, just got to keep that in mind. And try to vape a little less.
Oh, and one other thing. I have noticed that some folks have actually been reading my blogs. Wow, never thought that would happen, I was mainly doing it to be able to air out my thoughts and feelings. Hey feel free to comment, good or bad. Am interested in your thoughts.
