Oops! The eVotos didn't test well with the focus group. How about:
Vapor Intelligent Cigarette
From joyetech.com:
The eVic revolutionarily adopts a visual operating system which is able to record and manage your vapor history. Meanwhile, it can realize human-machine interaction through connecting with computer, and show you smoking information clearly. [Huh?]
Alrighty then. By now you’ve all heard that joyetech has launched another new product, but what really went on behind the scenes? Vaping minds want to know!
***Inside secret Shenzhen Joye Technology Co., Ltd. boardroom.**
Room filled with many men. All dressed same.
[Please suspend your disbelief and pretend Joyetech executives speak English.]
Room filled with many men. All dressed same.
[Please suspend your disbelief and pretend Joyetech executives speak English.]
Mr. Qui: "Greetings everyone! Let me introduce Mr. Mark Robbins, the important American Marketing Consultant."
A 30-ish male strides confidently to the front and stands before a PowerPoint display screen.
He has a big smile and perfect teeth, reminiscent of his brother Tony.
[The executives applaud.]
Mark Robbins: "Thank you for allowing me to be part of the development of such an exciting new product!
"Joyetech is the electronic cigarette industry standard, known worldwide for its quality and innovation. Often imitated but never duplicated, it is a testament to the positive perception of Joyetech products that the term “eGo” is now used by consumers for all devices of similar design.
"From the eRoll to the Twist, the Joyetech family of products addresses the needs of consumers across a broad demographic spectrum. There is one segment, however, we have not reached until now.
"Our target consumer is an English-speaking, white male, aged 25 to 55, who is willing to pay phenomenally inflated prices for what he has been told is the Best of the Best. In reality he should just buy a ProVari, but we're going to fix that. For the purposes of this presentation, we’ll call him John.
"John uses electronic cigarettes because he is addicted to nicotine. Nicotine replacement therapy could address his physical addiction, but he is also addicted to the oral stimulation of inhaling and exhaling, and to the visual stimulation of seeing vapor plumes. Furthermore, since starting the use of electronic cigarettes, he has become dependent on the pseudo-intellectual stimulation provided by obsessing over endless amounts of minutia discussed on Internet forums.
"John needs a nicotine delivery system. There are perfectly good products available to meet his needs, at a fraction of the cost, but he thinks he needs something more. So our focus is not on what John needs, but what he wants. And what does John want? He wants sexy – but it has to be the right kind of sexy. He doesn’t want to just get the girl, as illustrated by the disastrous marketing miscalculation by Hello… or should I say...hee…hee...Goodbye
[The executives look puzzled, not understanding the joke. Roberts soldiers on.]
"No, our John wants to get all the girls. For him, sexy is about power. The power to attract women and be the envy of men. John wants the best, and he wants you to know he can afford it. He wants an expensive device that appears so complex, lesser men will PM him just to learn how to turn it on. John wants to be the Leader, the Alpha, the Victor…
John wants The eVic
The eVic is sleeker, smoother, sexier! And at 124mm, it's longer than the 104.14mm ProVari. John likes longer.
It’s something John wants to hold in his hand. It's something John wants to twist.
And the enhanced digital display faces John during use, so he can easily monitor his prowess.
The eVic is sleeker, smoother, sexier! And at 124mm, it's longer than the 104.14mm ProVari. John likes longer.
It’s something John wants to hold in his hand. It's something John wants to twist.
And the enhanced digital display faces John during use, so he can easily monitor his prowess.
Another exciting design innovation is the battery front cap. The eVic cap is longer and more tapered than the competition, increasing the (cough) power appeal, plus it’s smooth! An important feature, as our market research revealed that for a small segment of our Johns the nubs on the ProVari cap elicits latent castration anxiety.
[Note: The eVic does not actually spurt.]
Our research has also shown that while John is obsessed with variable voltage vs variable wattage, within the median range he can’t tell the difference. Accordingly, while ProVari advertises variable voltage from 2.9v to 6.0v (that when adjusted also changes the wattage), we have elected to offer 2.0w to 15.0w (that when adjusted also changes the voltage). The benefit of this strategy is two-fold: 1) The difference is guaranteed to spark endless consumer debates over which system is superior, increasing eVic visibility; and 2) Since only a slight modification to the existing Twist technology is required, savings in manufacturing costs can be diverted to really cool marketing.
And, of course, the eVic campaign will continue the successful JoyeTech tradition of teasing our novelty-seeking John with the promise of improved versions, even before the initial product is available."
The eVic
Visualization of the Operating System
&/or
Vapor Intelligent Cigarette
[Whatever, pick one]
Visual~Techy~Matrixy~Shiny~Sleek~Sexy
[Cue cool video. Yes, I'm aware it's Ovale. The Joyetech branded promo was the same, but it has been taken down.]
The above is satire. If you don't know what that means, Google it. I made it all up, except for the parts I didn't.
