Florida Jokes!

[strato]

That is good. I went through two batteries reading it all. I loved the one about the Gators. Dont let it get out to the snowbirds though. LOL

[Mary Kay]

Strato..get thee a passthru!

[Mary Kay]

A blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation.She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde declared, ‘Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!’
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, ‘Well little lady, why don’t you go on and give it a try?
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead alligators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration,
‘SHOOT!……..
THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

You Know it's July in Florida When:


- Hot water comes out of both taps.

- You find out that a seatbelt buckle makes a pretty nice branding iron.

- The trees are whistling for the dogs.

- You find out that you can get sunburned through your car window.

- The birds need to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

- You burn your hand opening the car door.

- The temperature drops below 95 and you put on a sweater.

- You can make instant sun tea.

- Shade determines the best parking space, not distance.

- Farmers feed their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

- When you step outside at 7:30 a.m., you break into a sweat.

- Potatoes cook underground. This is convenient because all you have to do is pull one out and add salt, pepper and butter.

- You discover that asphalt has a liquid state.

- You realize that it only takes two fingers to steer your car.