Florida Code (a funny)

[SudokuGal]

When giving directions in Florida , you should always start with the words, "take I-75 or take I-95...'

If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of 6am and 10am and 4pm and 7pm. This is considered to be rush hour and you're not in any rush. No exceptions.

Freeways can only go north and south. Not east and west..
Tolls are a fact of life down here, the state has to make money so deal with it!
I-275 will always be under construction... that's the law, there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!

A1A and ALT A1A are the same streets.

Traffic lights aren't timed and never will be.

We measure the distance you travel in time, not miles.

If you travel more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of Florida without seeing an orange 'Bob's Barricade', you're lost!

If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly acceptable to back up.
Every street in Florida has both a name and a number (IE Adamo = 60th,) just for the hell of it and for the pleasure we get from the reaction of visitors when we give them directions.

Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection. Eight more go through on yellow, and 4 more on red.

Know the difference between Sun Pass , Sun Fest, Sun-Sentinel, and Sun Trust.

Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual.

Your blinker means nothing.

English is our first and second language.

It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator.

It is totally acceptable to be living in Florida but not root for The Dolphins, The Marlins, The Rays, The Heat or The Panthers but not rooting for the Bucs is an arrest-able offense.

We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you. Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.

When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advanced warning and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix to stock up water, ice, beer, and potato chips.


You know how to spell Okeechobee.
There is an Okeechobee Blvd , Street, Avenue, Town, Lake and County.

A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with someone who already owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches.

You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that everyone else moved here.

There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost every corner - with more being built every day.


When picking up a woman on South Beach , always look for an Adams apple.

It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.

Jupiter is a city, not a planet.

Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays. Not weeknights or weekends - that's for the working folks.

There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and also one called a football team.
You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go back.

No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be able to figure out your property taxes.

Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside but inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.

There are three things you will need to survive a Florida winter: A long sleeved T-shirt, sunscreen and the ability to mock all those extremely pale' visitors' with the bright pink 'Florida tans'

The same neighbor who smiles at you every day will be the first one to rat you out if you are violating water restrictions.

[FL-Eagle]

Love it, Love it.....all of it so true and so funny

[JennFL5366]

omg that is so funny and true!! thank you for the laugh!! can't wait to see u today!

[Ivisi]

That 'Adam's Apple' tip has saved me from embarrassment at least 4 out of every 10 times. Maybe 5.

[SudokuGal]

Ohhhhhh....do tell.

[MaryKay]

This is not true between Columbus Drive and Gandy in Tampa! I know, I went looking for a Walgreens on Sunday afternoon. CVS I found..and only 1 Walgreens! (no where near a CVS. Up here in St. Cloud/Kississmmee you can't throw a rock and not his both stores with one throw!

There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost every corner - with more being built every day.

[mystic]

Found this one on the internet:

You know you're a Floridian if....

...socks are only for bowling.

...a good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, and everything to do with shade.

...your winter coat is made of denim.

...anything under 70 is chilly.

...you've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

...you could swim before you could read.

...you have to drive north to get to The South.

...you know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

...you've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark

...you know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

...you dread love bug season.

...you're on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley , Frances , Ivan and Jeanne.

...you know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.

...you think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

..."down South" means Key West

...flip-flops are everyday wear.

...shoes are for business meetings and church,

...but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

...sweet tea can be served at any meal.

...an alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

...you measure distance in minutes.

...you have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

...a mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

...you know the four seasons really are: hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer

...it's not soda, cola, or pop. it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor, 'What kinda coke you want?'

...you've hosted a hurricane party.

...you understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

...you can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Ichnatucknee and Withlacoochee

...you understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

...bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, NASCAR, Go Gators, and a confederate flag.

...you were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.

...you were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

...you've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.

...you recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba '.

[MaryKay]

They missed:

Been swiming in a lake with gators

Can spot a Foreign tourist from a half block away by the glare coming off the sunburn and the zinc on the nose!

Know the time of day by the rain patterns.

Know an Apalachicola oyster from any other oyster in the world.

Know that Girls Raised in the South are Grits! (and what grits are)

Know the difference between oranges, tangerines and satsuma's.

[VA Slim]

OM Goodness all the above is so true. LOL.....u guys r awesome.....lived here 35 yrs., I have never read such a complete description of the FL lifestyle. In our neck of the woods, ye who has the biggest generator wins and we get very excited when we see empty car carriers come into town and head north loaded. When the opposite happens, we just shake our heads. Don't own any closed toe shoes except for some boots for traveling up north in the winter (fashion purposes only). And....gators enjoy swimming pools as much as the local canals, never dive in without checking....we had a 4 footer visit us last year. (It was a baby....don't know where Mommy was.)

[laurel099]

LMAO!!! Too funny and too true!