Heya, I've only made one thread prior to this (it's very old now and locked) but recently... Something's drawn me back to this forum.
This is a picture of my lips at present. I linked it because it's pretty gross looking.
And while it may look like I've spent a week in the sahara without a chapstick, that cracked, dried out and broken effect is a result of something a little more subversive: My oral fixation.
I've had this as long as I can remember. It's almost entirely about biting and chewing, usually on my lips or the inside of my mouth or my fingernails. In the past, I've even chewed and torn pieces of my own skin off small areas (like the tips of my fingers/top of my thumb). Additionally, things that are in my hand at any one time may find their way to my mouth. I have to stop myself from biting down on several objects and when I look at things I often wonder how it would feel to chew or bite the object, even ludicrous things like bars of metal or ceramics.
Like many people with this condition, I eat a lot. A lot more than I probably should. Thankfully, my weight stays low thanks to the fact I apparently have a blast furnace for a stomach, but if my father's build tells me anything, it's that my blast furnace gut won't last past the age of 35.
In addition, I have a nervous tic with my hands. I regularly perform actions known to some people as "stimming" and to almost everybody else as "bloody annoying clicky things all the damn time." I play with butterfly knives, lighters, coins (I have a prefference for hard, metallic objects.) And this has rewarded me with the occasional cut or burn, and a multitude of irritated friends/family members when I drop my 20 cent coin on my hardwood desk for the umpteenth time that hour.
To curb these urges, I usually find myself either chewing gum to an almost compulsive degree (or snacking on something) and typing a lot of stuff on the computer. However, when it comes to the biting thing, gum is no longer cutting it for a number of reasons. Number one being that I've still found myself biting and chewing my own mouth and lips even with two bits of gum between my teeth. And secondly, constantly having mint flavour coating my tongue is starting to wear thin.
So here I am... E-Cigs. However, I am nervous about even loading up an E-Cig company website right now. Not because of the potential health risks it might incur or the cost or anything... But because of how other people may react.
Because I have never smoked a cigarette in my life. I'm not trying to quit a life threatening habit or lower my risk of needing a lung transplant. I've never been through the hardship and pain that goes along with cigarette addiction. Never have I woken to my home smelling like an ashtray as I hack up blood into the sink and get a text from somebody telling me they don't want me around due to the stench.
I don't know what any of that feels like... And I feel as though taking up vaping will earn me some pretty harsh judgement from people who do know those feelings...
Naturally, before posting this I looked for people having similar issues. And what I saw was... unpleasant. There seems to be an almost hostile attitude towards non-smokers who take up vaping. And I can understand where it's coming from. To some, it may be like seeing a man with fully functioning limbs sitting in a wheelchair to get around because it's "more fun that way" or something to that regard. Feeling like these people are somehow... I don't know... undermining the hardship that therapy-vapers have gone through? I understand it, but I also sort of don't.
So help me out here. Every time I see and hear about E-Cigs, I think of how perfect they could be to break this annoying oral fixation of mine. But every time I look up "0-nic E-Cigs" or "E-Cigs for oral fixation" I see the same attitudes time and time again. Ex-smokers who took up vaping as an alternative becoming hostile and defensive in reaction to a non-smoker even bringing the subject up. I want to give this a try, and I'd love to be able to do it without being seen as one of "those" people. You know the sort, right?
Is that even possible?
Gah, I shouldn't get worked up over things like this, but I do. So please, can I get some opinions? Is it really such a heinous crime for a non-smoker to take up vaping? Or am I just being sensitive?