Attention Poopies !!!
Let's have a little fun
Post your funny jokes......Tomorrow evening, 6:00 PM EST.... we'll pick the best joke and award $50 gift certificate to the lucky winner
This is the story of the first Thanksgiving, once again by my drunk grandpa:
Many years ago...Christopher Columbus and his pilgrim buddies come to America on a boat called the Mayflower to live because the English King wouldn't let the Jewish people go.
So Moses, who was a friend of Christopher Columbus, rented 3 boats: the Mayflower, the Santa Maria, and the USS Enterprise.
When they landed on America, and indian squaw, named Sacagawea, met them and traded them pelts for beer, and then showed them how to de-gut a rabbit.
That night her friends danced around with their boobs hanging out and balanced clay pots on their heads.
The head pilgrim then baptized all the Indians to be Christians and they shot turkeys and played horseshoes.
It was General Custer's birthday, and three Oriental Kings showed up with gifts of myrrh and other crap.
Many pilgrims did not survive the first winter because they didn't have heat because Jimmy Carter who was president of the Pilgrims had an oil embargo.
Sacagawea and her Indian friends burnt buffalo turds and heated the camp.
The pilgrims was thankful.
However it smelled so bad animals come outta the forest two by two.
The Lord then made a rainbow appear, to show that he would never make turds burn again, and cause a horrible smell.
Sacagawea fell in love with Kemosabe, and they were married on that first Thanksgiving, and lived in a tent with wheels. That's right.
All the pilgrims were glad to be away from the king, and to beat that they all landed right on Thanksgiving day.
Charlton Heston was then elected president.
My grandpa was REALLY drunk.
Scotch with two drops of water
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'
The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
please tells me I won dis now I needs dat 50 bucks
Two Texans were having lunch at their favorite
restaurant when they noticed
a young woman at the next table having trouble
One of the Texans got up, walked over to her table,
took her face in his big
Texan hands and said, "Kin ya swaller?" She shook
her head 'no.' "Kin ya
breathe?" Again she shakes her head 'no.'
The Texan grabs her around the waist with one of his
big Texan hands, turns
her over, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her panties
and licks her right on
the bottom! Of course the young woman was so shocked
that she coughed
causing the food to dislodge. The big Texan pulls
up her panties, pulls
down her skirt, turns her right side up, tips his
hat and returns to his seat.
His companion is sitting there stunned. "I have
never seen anything like
that in my whole life!" he says to his heroic
friend. The hero replies,
"Yeah, I tell ya, that Hind Lick maneuver works