Closed - Limit reached All NEW!! Weekly GotVapes Ultimate Contest Prize Giveaway & Chit Chat Hangout Thread, Come Hangout and Have Fun!! - Page 5
Page 5 of 1421 FirstFirst 12345678915551055051005 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 14208
Like Tree49848Likes

Thread: Closed - Limit reached All NEW!! Weekly GotVapes Ultimate Contest Prize Giveaway & Chit Chat Hangout Thread, Come Hangout and Have Fun!!

  1. #41
    Ascended To A Higher Plane ECF Veteran AG51's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Dat Way →
    Posts
    51,096

    Default

    A lawyer boarded a Jetstar flight in Perth Australia, with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
    He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
    Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in Sydney , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in Perth, please raise your hand?"
    Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

    Two lessons here:
    1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
    2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.
    Lauralie, NGAHaze, Sunray and 3 others like this.

  2. #42
    Ascended To A Higher Plane ECF Veteran AG51's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Dat Way →
    Posts
    51,096

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by badkolo View Post
    NOTICE:: you can all tell as many jokes as you like, there is no set limit.
    OMGAWDS ! Thanks fer tellin me now Bad !

  3. #43
    Forum Supplier ECF Veteran dannoman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Sugar Land, Texas USA
    Posts
    6,273
    Blog Entries
    4

    Default

    Lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


    Quote Originally Posted by ag51 View Post
    two texans were having lunch at their favorite
    restaurant when they noticed
    a young woman at the next table having trouble
    breathing.

    One of the texans got up, walked over to her table,
    took her face in his big
    texan hands and said, "kin ya swaller?" she shook
    her head 'no.' "kin ya
    breathe?" again she shakes her head 'no.'

    the texan grabs her around the waist with one of his
    big texan hands, turns
    her over, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her panties
    and licks her right on
    the bottom! Of course the young woman was so shocked
    that she coughed
    causing the food to dislodge. The big texan pulls
    up her panties, pulls
    down her skirt, turns her right side up, tips his
    hat and returns to his seat.
    His companion is sitting there stunned. "i have
    never seen anything like
    that in my whole life!" he says to his heroic
    friend. The hero replies,
    "yeah, i tell ya, that hind lick maneuver works
    every time!"

  4. #44
    Ascended To A Higher Plane ECF Veteran AG51's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Dat Way →
    Posts
    51,096

    Default

    Driver's License
    A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
    'Mommy,’ the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'
    'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'
    'OK', the little girl says,
    'How much do you weigh?'
    'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'
    Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'
    'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'
    The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
    'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.
    'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'
    Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'
    The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?
    'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.' The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'
    'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,
    'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'
    'Oh really?' the mother asks. ‘Why?'
    'Because you got an F in sex.'
    Poeia, Lauralie, NGAHaze and 4 others like this.

  5. #45
    Ascended To A Higher Plane ECF Veteran AG51's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Dat Way →
    Posts
    51,096

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dannoman View Post
    Lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    NGAHaze and yiddleboge6 like this.

  6. #46
    Ascended To A Higher Plane ECF Veteran AG51's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Dat Way →
    Posts
    51,096

    Default

    Okays, I done spaming da game. Most of what I habe left will gets me bammed from ecf
    NGAHaze and yiddleboge6 like this.

  7. #47
    ECF Guru ECF Veteran CcaT's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    10,722

    Default

    Poeia, Lauralie, AG51 and 3 others like this.
    Everybody wants to be CcaT
    Because CcaT's the only cat
    Who knows where it's at

  8. #48
    PV Master Verified Member
    ECF Veteran
    oldbikeguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    not the end of the earth but you can see it from here
    Posts
    9,309

    Default

    I'm sure you can imagine?
    As plain as can be
    The place is Piccadilly
    The players He and She.

    She whispered "will it hurt me?"
    "Of course not" answered he
    "It's a very simple process,
    You can rely on me."

    She said "I'm very frightened,
    I've not had this before.
    My friend has had it five times
    And said it can be sore".

    Then finally contended
    Lay back and relax a bit
    Quickly and readily he bent over her
    And then he started it.

    It was growing rather painful
    Tears formed in her eyes
    It was hurting quite a bit now
    It must have been quite a size.

    "Calm yourself" he whispered
    His face was filled with a grin
    "Try and open a bit wider
    o I can get it in".

    "It's coming now" he whispered
    "I know" she cried in bliss
    Feeling it deep within her now
    She said "I am glad I am having this".

    And with a final effort
    She gave a frightened shout
    He gripped it in anguish
    And quickly pulled it out.

    She lay back quite contented
    Sighed and gave a smile
    She said "I'm glad I came now
    You made it worth my while".




    Now if you read this carefully
    The dentist you will find
    Is not what you imagined
    It's just your dirty mind
    Lauralie, AG51, Sunray and 1 others like this.

  9. #49
    PV Master Verified Member
    ECF Veteran
    mattiem's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Closer to Heaven every day. For now, Arkansas
    Posts
    8,611
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    Since I am the quiet one mostly just sitting over in the corner laughing at everyone elses jokes I will continue on as usual and look forward to a lot of laughs.

  10. #50
    ECF Guru Verified Member
    ECF Veteran
    Lauralie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Here, there, everywhere!
    Posts
    19,157

    Default

    I'm not playing but:

    Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
    So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?"
    The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
    The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
    Just remember when you "think" you are having a bad day someone else "IS" having a bad day.
    Last TC taken 05-15-13 Last given 09-29-13

Bookmarks