Dear Rustylug I Need Your Help With .....

[rustylug]

If you have a Super Mini, A Mini, Titan or a Screwdriver YOU NEED TO READ THIS.
Below is a copy of what some poor sole on my own form wrote.

As you read his SAD SAD story you WILL FEEL SORRY FOR him right up to the very end ..... ALMOST ....Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

PLEASE READ BELOW.

Dear AUNT RUSTY.....
I need help to sort out my life......
My first true love was Cigarette, she introduced me to the "Dark Side",.....taunted me, teased me and (in the beginning at least) kept me fully satisfied... a complete human being.....
We were happily married for over forty years.... and then, I realised what a mean spirited bitch she could be.... using up all my spare cash, burning my clothes..... she became so universally despised that even the local pub banned her....
For a time I "flirted with" Mini E Cig, a sweet, totally modern little thing. Her sweet fragarance and sublime sensation took me to new heights and I was able to leave Cigarette, my slave-like dependence was broken. Sure I visit Cigarette occasionally to re-live my "dirty-secret" past, but she no longer has control over me... I'm free at last.
Recently I've found a new love.....My "Mistress" Titan...
Ok, so she's not as sleek as Mini, she doesn't take me to the moon when my lips part to accept her.... but she is SOLID, DEPENDABLE, RELIABLE and, whilst not promising ECSTASY... she ALWAYS DELIVERS FULL SATISFACTION... day and night !!!
But Dear Aunt Rusty, I have been such a DESPICABLE cheat, my lips still yearn for Miniand I can't stop thinking about her, even though I know that she has no staying power and will only desert me when I need her most !!!!
AND NOW.... Her twin sister.... the one they cruelly call "The Screwdriver" is tempting me. They say she's INSATIABLE... !!! And she's been surgically enhanced to give her the most ENORMOUS BATTERY CASE...... (Sorry..... I'm trembling with lust for her even as I type these words....)
What should I do ? Whom should I turn to ???
... Cigarette ? who used me, abused me, took my money and left me drained ????
... Mini ? the sweet thing that gives me such delight but can't give me the deep satisfaction I crave ????
... Titan ? mature, solid, dependable.... admired by my peers... able to satisfy me night and day ?????
OR
... The Screwdriver ? with her lascivious curves and her insatiable appetite... ?????
Sod it...... I'm a bloke !!!!
I'll use all of them

[breakfastchef]

That is a classic. We all thought it, but never spelled it out in poetic style.

[openthewell]

wow.. I'm actually speechless after reading that.

[geeker]

Wow Funny and clever.

[rustylug]

Lol ...I thought it was good lol lol lol.

[Mufftrix]

Very good and very true ha-ha!