We need some laugh in here, joke of the day

[liscab]

today I am borin reading the post, what about some joke, here goes mine:

A Spanish man wants to buy a soda from the soda machine. He puts in some change. The machine says "DIME". The man tells the machine "Yo quiero Pepsi!"

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[nyabzns]

A man gets ran over by a bus and dies. Suddenly he finds himself standing at the pearly gates.

As he walks up to the gates St.Peter says "Come on in"

The man notices a wall behind St.Peter full of clocks for as far as the eye can see. The man says "so, what are all those clocks for ?"


St.Peter- Those are lie clocks

Man- Lie clocks ?

St.Peter- yes, lie clocks, each person has a clock and if they lie the hands on the clock move.

Man- ( Pointing ) Who's clock is that ?

St.Peter- that clock belongs to Mother Teresa, it has never moved thus Mother Teresa has never lied

Man- and who's clock is that ? ( Once again, pointing )

St.Peter- That is Abe Lincolns clock, it has moved twice which means honest Abe actually told two lies in his lifetime

Man- looks around and says "Hey, where is Barack Obamas clock ?"

St.Peter- Jesus has that one in his office..................he's using it for a fan !

[liscab]

nyabzns

Best joke of the year

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[plantlvr]

This just cracks me up! You have to have your speakers on and sometimes have to hiy play,stop,play for it to work, but it's funny!

Texas Man Witnesses a Car Accident

[Brian1976]

This guy comes home and finds his mother inlaw passed out on the floor... He called 911 they came to take her to the hospital, the son inlaw was sittin there waiting and waiting like 2 hours... The doctor comes out and says it doesn't look good, she's going to need help doing everything... Feeding herself, showering and she's gonna have to wear a diaper... The son inlaw says OMG this is terrible what am i gonna do? The doctor starts laughin and says.... Im just kiddin she's dead :-)

[liscab]

WOW Brian1976, that s sarcastic but very good

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[renderwerks]

A young boy and his mother are on a Southwest plane. The boy is looking out the window. He says to his mother: "Mom, if big doggies have little doggies, and big kitties have little kitties, why don't big planes have little planes?" The flight attendant is hurrying by just at that time and overhears the question.

The mother doesn't know what to tell the boy, so she says: "Why don't you go ask the flight attendant". The little boy finds the flight attendant at the back of the plane, and she's quite busy. The little boy asks the question - the flight attendant very nicely says: "There are no little planes because Southwest always pulls out on time; go ask your mother to explain that to you..."

[liscab]

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[MaryKay]

Vampire batA vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

[liscab]

Here goes another:

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that the guy won't be able to tell the difference. The guy downs the Scotch and says: "This Scotch is only ten years old! I specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch."
Amazed, the bartender reaches into a locked cabinet underneath the bar and pulls out a bottle of twenty-year old Scotch and pours the man a shot. The guy drinks it down and says, "That was twenty-year old Scotch. I asked for forty-year old Scotch."

So the bartender goes into the back room and brings out a bottle of thirty-year old Scotch and pours the guy a drink. By now a small crowd has gathered around the man and is watching anxiously as he downs the latest drink. Once again the guy states the true age of the Scotch and repeats his original request for forty-year old Scotch.

The bartender can hold off no longer and disappears into the cellar to get a bottle of prime forty-year old Scotch. Soon, the bartender returns with the bottle and pours a shot. The guy downs the Scotch and says, "Now this is forty-year old Scotch!" The crowd applauds his discriminating palate.

An old drunk who had been watching the proceedings with interest, raises a full shot glass of his own and says, "Here, take a swig of this."

The guy takes the glass and downs the drink in one swallow. Immediately, he chokes and spits out the liquid on the barroom floor. "My God! That tastes like piss," he yells.

"Great guess," says the drunk. "Now, how old am I?"

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