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  1. #37831
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    Quote Originally Posted by rave View Post
    Jerry - I am. Aside from my two children and their respective mates, I have one person with whom I have in-person contact - limited to once a week. Other than the lumber guy, my doctors, extremely infrequent visits from other relatives, and people that I come in contact with when I am forced to shop in town, he is the only person since 2010. I have no other friends other than online. Those friends are very dear to me (yourself included). But they are "safe". I'm just about as reclusive as a person can get. Just sayin'.
    This is interesting. Were you always this way, Rave, or did it come upon you at some point in life? Certainly, when you were selling your paintings, you were more out and about. And what about the trips you blogged? You went with other people who I assume were friends. So I'm guessing your reclusiveness developed at some point.

    I think many of us here are recluses to some degree. I don't have a wide range of friends, either. I prefer a few that I really enjoy to many that bore me. Most people don't have that much in common with me. But I really appreciate those friends I do have, and I enjoy seeing them.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SandySu View Post
    Here, most places I know get mail delivered to a mailbox at the end of the driveway. If you found some acreage that was wooded on a quiet country road, then you might get mail delivery. The one problem I've realized here is, if you have a long, hilly driveway, then you have to plow it every snowstorm, and if it's too hilly, you probably need some special vehicle to get in and out -- at least 4-wheel drive. So if I was going to live in such a place, I'd want to have the house fairly near the road and the driveway fairly level. You'd need to have a big, tough truck with a snow plow on it for the driveway. With enough trees to shield you and no near neighbors, you could feel isolated without really being inconvenienced much. The problem there would be that you'd have to buy lots of land or you might get neighbors right next to you at some future time. One solution would be to have land that adjoins a national forest or state forest, which they are unlikely to develop. If I was going to live on such a property, of course some of it would be cleared for pastures for horses. That means a barn, too. And that means fixing fences, cleaning up manure, replenishing the water (and breaking ice in winter or else having stock tank heaters), buying hay and unloading it into whatever building it'll be stored in, making sure the hay won't get moldy when it's stored, and having some method of manure disposal. The best method is to have a tractor and manure spreader and put the manure on pastures which aren't being grazed, and rotating pastures, which means a lot of acreage in fields. Lots of places have an empty field that's never used as pasture just to spread manure in.

    Then there's the question of water. You need a good well. Many places here don't have good wells. I find that odd, since we get so much rain. But for about 2 weeks mid-July, it doesn't rain much, and then wells can go dry if you decide to take a shower and do the laundry on the same day. Other places seem to have plenty of water and never run dry. If you are thinking of buying a property, how do you tell before you buy? There must be a way -- hire an expert?

    I wanted my own little horse farm till I saw the expense and work involved. Of course, not having horses would eliminate a lot of those problems, but why would I get property when I wouldn't have horses on it?

    That's another thing. The operative word is horses -- plural. You can't have just one. Horses psychologically need friends. I know Penny would. Some horses seem OK alone, but I think Penny wouldn't be. That means buying another horse. With it comes vet bills, farrier visits, food, etc. And what if I wanted to ride one horse and leaving the other at home would distress the horse? So, OK, 3 horses. But then what if a friend visited, and we wanted to ride together and leave one horse at home? Four horses? You can see where this is going. Better to live at the edge of a small town with lots of countryside around, board Penny, and not have to own a tractor and fix fences.

    Also, the landlord plows the driveway, mows the grass, and fixes anything that breaks. That's a big plus to me.
    This is the exact situation that I have. It's a fairly level driveway which is only 700' to the road, but it has so be plowed and occasionally re-graveled. No pavement because I have sinkholes that have to be filled in yearly. Four wheel drive vehicles are necessary as is a farm truck with a plow. And those vehicles will be invaded by mice and squirrels which will chew the wiring and fill the engine compartment with nuts. I have to add pads soaked with bobcat urine to keep them away. The pads have to be resoaked regulary. It doesn't just smell in the engine compartment. Think about the aroma you get when you turn on the heater.

    Unless my SIL sells her adjoining land, I have no fear of encroaching neighbors. I have enough land that I don't see any from my house. Now the downside is security. Being isolated can make you a target. So - you need security systems with weatherproof cameras that have microphones and alarms to the house. The kind of security that you aim and shoot is a good idea too. Got that part covered in spades. My back deck is wired to zap intruders that may attempt to ascend from below. Garbage cans have to be kept in a box to keep them from being violated by marauding, hungry critters. There are also poachers to deal with and deter.

    The well can go dry if I do too much laundry and there is too much bathing in the same day. There is no way that I know of to determine if you'll get water on land that you purchase without actually drilling. My first well was ridiculously deep, but it was crushed by a falling giant of an oak. The second well had to go down even deeper - 350'. My insurance company was NOT happy. I don't mow the grass because there is none. All that I have to mow is the septic field a few times a year and the lawn-not in the front of my house before the new growth comes up in spring. So - you need a lawn tractor. Now, I do have to have a deforestation day to fight back the forest from encroaching on the house and keep vines from growing all over it. If I didn't have the kids, I don't know how I'd handle that. Don't even get me started on what the gutters get like in the fall!! And then you have to keep a really, reeealllly close eye on any trees near the house that threaten to topple onto it. I've had to hire a professional to take out a few. Mostly, we brave the felling ourselves.

    So - It isn't all hearts and flowers, and it's a lot of work and expense on top of that. My situation does not even add horses into the equation. With all of the other factors that you mentioned that shows what all would be required to accommodate horses, it sounds like you were very wise to go the route that you did rather than live as I do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SandySu View Post
    This is interesting. Were you always this way, Rave, or did it come upon you at some point in life? Certainly, when you were selling your paintings, you were more out and about. And what about the trips you blogged? You went with other people who I assume were friends. So I'm guessing your reclusiveness developed at some point.

    I think many of us here are recluses to some degree. I don't have a wide range of friends, either. I prefer a few that I really enjoy to many that bore me. Most people don't have that much in common with me. But I really appreciate those friends I do have, and I enjoy seeing them.
    I've been this way for as long as I can remember. It developed before I even went to grade school. Nowadays, I would be "Special Needs" because I'm mildly autistic. I can't handle the sensory input that humankind emits for long. It becomes unbearable. In school, I pretended to be invisible and muddled through. In the workplace, I did my job and closed off the world around me. No one woulda ever accused me of spending too much time chatting around the water cooler.

    When I started doing the shows, I had to learn to deal with it in order to be successful. In order to interface with thousands of people in a weekend, I learned how to fake being outgoing and sociable by adopting a different persona. I learned how to look people right in the eye and converse with them without seeing them. Even did television and radio spots! But, by the end of the show I was exhausted and looked forward to the two day drive home all by myself. My artist friends enjoyed the same things that I did: Nature and animals. The blogs were of excursions in natural environments which are the only places that I'm truly comfortable. But, I'm able to be sociable if I'm forced to be. Folks that have met me would never suspect. My friends and family just know.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rave View Post
    Jerry - I am. Aside from my two children and their respective mates, I have one person with whom I have in-person contact - limited to once a week. Other than the lumber guy, my doctors, extremely infrequent visits from other relatives, and people that I come in contact with when I am forced to shop in town, he is the only person since 2010. I have no other friends other than online. Those friends are very dear to me (yourself included). But they are "safe". I'm just about as reclusive as a person can get. Just sayin'.
    I can't like that post, dear Raven. I'm a quiet, stay by myself person too, but it's not a good thing and I know it. We humans were not created to be reclusive, it's not in our nature, we are social creatures. I have always been my happiest, when I was out with friends, good friends. We got old though and the good times went away.

    You are a special lady, don't lock yourself away. Share yourself with the world...the REAL world, not just this virtual one. You will be happier and the world will be a better place, with you participating in it.

    Whoops, sorry, you posted as I was writing this. Sorry to hear that you are mildly autistic. Still though, we are not solitary creatures. Find a few good RW friends to be with. Friends who respect how you are and won't try to force you to do what you don't want to do. Alone is not good, my dear.
    Last edited by JerryRM; 01-14-2014 at 03:10 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by JerryRM View Post
    I can't like that post, dear Raven. I'm a quiet, stay by myself person too, but it's not a good thing and I know it. We humans were not created to be reclusive, it's not in our nature, we are social creatures. I have always been my happiest, when I was out with friends, good friends. We got old though and the good times went away.

    You are a special lady, don't lock yourself away. Share yourself with the world...the REAL world, not just this virtual one. You will be happier and the world will be a better place, with you participating in it.

    Whoops, sorry, you posted as I was writing this. Sorry to hear that you are mildly autistic. Still though, we are not solitary creatures. Find a few good RW friends to be with. Friends who respect how you are and won't try to force you to do what you don't want to do. Alone is not good, my dear.
    My dear friend - I am happier, more at ease, and much less stressed than I have ever been in my entire life. This is what works for me, and it's working extremely well.
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  6. #37836
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    Quote Originally Posted by rave View Post
    My dear friend - I am happier, more at ease, and much less stressed than I have ever been in my entire life. This is what works for me, and it's working extremely well.
    I agree with Rave. If she doesn't like to be social, then she shouldn't have to be. As long as being a hermit doesn't get in the way of functioning -- like not being able to go out to the store when you need to -- then I don't see anything wrong with it. I think people often are too dependent on other people and don't know how to amuse themselves when they are alone. It's a good skill to have, since we are all alone sometimes. I think being alone is peaceful, too, though I do like to mix it with sociability. Too much of either starts to feel unbalanced to me. But we all need to find our own balance and live the way our nature dictates.

    I understand how stressful being social must have been for Rave when she was in the art business. I have trouble pretending like that. I just never mastered the skill, and believe me, it would come in handy sometimes. I really should learn to be more diplomatic. I tend to say what I think and sometimes offend people when I didn't mean to.
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    I know what you mean, Sandy. That is the way that Raven is and I won't try to change her. I will say no more on the subject.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SandySu View Post
    I agree with Rave. If she doesn't like to be social, then she shouldn't have to be. As long as being a hermit doesn't get in the way of functioning -- like not being able to go out to the store when you need to -- then I don't see anything wrong with it. I think people often are too dependent on other people and don't know how to amuse themselves when they are alone. It's a good skill to have, since we are all alone sometimes. I think being alone is peaceful, too, though I do like to mix it with sociability. Too much of either starts to feel unbalanced to me. But we all need to find our own balance and live the way our nature dictates.

    I understand how stressful being social must have been for Rave when she was in the art business. I have trouble pretending like that. I just never mastered the skill, and believe me, it would come in handy sometimes. I really should learn to be more diplomatic. I tend to say what I think and sometimes offend people when I didn't mean to.
    This way of life actually enables me to function. I am free to socialize, but if I become overwhelmed, which I often do, I can walk away from the computer. And, to me, the friends that I have here are no less "real world" than if I were talking with them face to face. I'm able to fulfill my need to be with other human beings - laugh with them, cry with them, be supportive, even love them. I can be myself here. Face to face, I tend to withdraw inside of myself. The internet has freed me.

    This'll make ya laugh (and we could probably use that right about now): If it weren't for the internet. More specifically FarmersOnly.com, it would have been nearly impossible for me to have found a person that I can be with one on one. The poor guy had to talk with me for literally months before I would agree to meet him in person. I had to find a person that would understand and accept how I am, and go fishing and camping and enjoy other outdoor activities with me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by JerryRM View Post
    I can't like that post, dear Raven. I'm a quiet, stay by myself person too, but it's not a good thing and I know it. We humans were not created to be reclusive, it's not in our nature, we are social creatures. I have always been my happiest, when I was out with friends, good friends. We got old though and the good times went away.

    You are a special lady, don't lock yourself away. Share yourself with the world...the REAL world, not just this virtual one. You will be happier and the world will be a better place, with you participating in it.

    Whoops, sorry, you posted as I was writing this. Sorry to hear that you are mildly autistic. Still though, we are not solitary creatures. Find a few good RW friends to be with. Friends who respect how you are and won't try to force you to do what you don't want to do. Alone is not good, my dear.
    Now this is a subject that I can really relate to. I know Rave has already addressed your post but I'd like to add....

    Rave has found what works for her and is happy. I haven't and I'm not happy. What would make me happy is a place like she has, away from people and noise and surrounded by nature. A lake or river on it would be perfect. I'll never have that so I'll never be happy. The best I can hope for is when BF sells his house and finds some property in the country and builds 2 houses on it. Yes, 2 houses. We've been together for 6 yrs but I couldn't live with him. Not only because he is a slob but I need my space just like Rave does. He treats me like a goddess so I don't want to be too far away from him but I don't want him around 24/7.

    So the point is, solitary is best for some but it's not for everyone. I have several close friends and family that I don't see or hear from very often and that sometimes saddens me but I would be a lot sadder if they were around all the time. I love my peace and quiet, when ever I can get it in this trailer park, and I cherish it. Those are my brief periods of happiness. Of course getting vapemail makes me happy too.
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    A little while ago, I looked out my window and there were 2 deer in the yard. There's a doe with a hurt leg that I had seen before, but not in a while. I kept wondering if she was still out there, since she can't run like a normal deer. I think she must have been hit by a car and injured, and the leg never healed properly. I see so many deer carcasses at the side of the road as I travel about. Sometimes they seem to be on a suicide mission, the way they'll leap in front of oncoming cars. I remember a couple of years ago, the herd of deer that live around here would cross our street every morning in one direction and come back across in evening. They would stop at the edge of the street and look both ways before crossing! Unfortunately, the deer haven't been doing that lately.

    So the hurt doe was back, and it looks like she had a fawn who is still with her.



    After running out to get photos of the deer, I was entranced by the water droplets hanging from the trees, so I ran around the yard photographing them.





    And just as I was coming back inside, I noticed water dripping into a puddle off the roof.



    So, Celtic, you don't have to live way out in the woods to see deer in the daytime. I see them in the yard quite often.
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