Hi. My name is John and I'm addicted to cigarettes.

[digital entropy]

I've had my e-cigarette for a few weeks now and made it about a week without analogs until I found myself stuck at work with two dead batteries and ran out and bought a pack of smokes. When I first started using my e-cig I happened upon that moment when I woke up without any smokes and had that 'fresh start' feeling where I had absolutely no problem going without a cigarette as long as I had my e-cig. Now I just can't seem to find that mood again, and I know it's not something I can force. It's just going to creep up on me and I'll feel ready to switch off again.

I really started thinking about quitting this past fall/winter after getting a cold that I never really bounced back from, which never happened before and a lot of my symptoms pointed towards chronic bronchitis (undiagnosed, according to my physical I'm as healthy as a horse); unfortunately with the warmer weather and a lack of malaise I've reverted to a "oh it's gone now, party time!" attitude.

I guess part of the problem is the fact that since I began smoking at 15 (I'm 29 now) it was never admonished by my family. My parents would always bring back cartons from vacation, I'd get them for my bday and my aunt used to buy them from the reservations so there was always a supply. All my friends/family smoked so there was nothing 'bad' about it.

I also had to listen to so many people complain about declining health after they quit smoking that I never really had incentive to quit. No history of smoking-related illness in my family to scare me straight, either (I do get to look forward to dementia though, yay! ).

Anyway, I just typed this because I just came back from a smoke run. I don't plan on getting drastic with quitting (not gonna promise I'll never ever smoke again) but it definitely killed my upbeat mood. I mean, I love how I felt when not smoking but that stupid little devil on my shoulder is so powerful sometimes, reminding me of all the good times I had while smoking even though I know those days are over and never coming back. The fact it's been in the 80's-90s this week doesn't help much either because that's my 'season' so to speak. Nothin' I love more than sitting on the stoop on a hot summer day with a smoke and a brew.

I just needed to get that off my chest. I realize this is something I don't have to do on my own so why not share a little?

[Sun Vaporer]

Digital--great story--you are 29. Many of us would love to be 29 again and have never started smoking. So you are making a great move here--Stick with it and live to be a 100!!!-----------Sun

[malyden]

don't beat yourself up about it. Happens to the best of us, myself included. Just remember how much better you felt using the ecig and try picking it up first thing instead of a regular cig.

[LuckySevens4U]

Wow, and yes, I think all of us have so many things we relate to cigarettes. I still do, but I just vape instead. I think you just have to change your pattern of thinking and get excited to vape instead of smoke. Once you really get through a while with just vaping and get off those chemicals, it really does get easier. The one thing I like with not having those chemicals in my body from smoking anymore besides feeling better, is when I cannot vape for a long while cuz I'm somewhere where I just can't, that whole DYING FOR A ciggy thing or I'm going to kill someone is gone. I think now about going for a vape, but that horrible dying urge that I'd crave when I smoked, isn't the same as having to wait to vape. What's different? Well I'm still getting the nicotine, but once you get those nasty chemicals out of your body, that craving isn't AS bad. I am 100% fully convinced that our brains have been severely addicted to more than just nicotine in those ciggys. That's why I strongly believe in all or nothing. I know many still have a few ciggys a day, but really, you are just prolonging the agony of getting those chemicals gone.

[digital entropy]

Yeah, like I posted in my thread in the new members forum (which inclined me to elaborate further in this thread) I'm not even sure it's the nicotine I'm addicted to, since I was still craving something else they put in. When I was in my early twenties I promised I'd quit when I was thirty. A good fifteen year run and that's it. Unfortunately with thirty being only three months away it's like when you promise yourself you're done when you buy that "last pack" until you get down to the final five, lol.

Guess it doesn't help that I'm currently at a job I HATE coupled with recently starting my own business, heh. Not exactly a stress-free situation there.

Like I said, I know it's going to happen. I just can't force it (I've done the whole dramatically snap all my remaining smokes in half and throw the pack on the ground and stomp on it routine and all that ended up doing was costing me TWO packs of smokes a few hours later lol).

It's just really been on my mind a lot lately, what with my promise date coming up so soon.

[laynies]

Smoking is such a confusing thing. On the one hand we know it's bad for us. 400k people a year die from it. But we love it. And even when it hits close to home, we don't want to give it up. I've been actively trying to quit for over 5 years now.

First it was because of my kids, then it was because of my health, then they raised the taxes, etc etc

But I still want one, and I'm still smoking. Not as much as before I got my PV but it's not a true replacement for those evil little weeds.

One of the hardest things for me is dealing with the pressure I get from my friends, family, co-workers and even myself. I have to quit. If I don't I'm a loser, right? A disappointment.

I've decided to change my thinking for a while. I'm not going to try to quit the habit.. I'm just going to try and change the method. Whether it be vaping or using snus or dissolvable nicotine I'm going to work on getting my 'fix' in other ways. More acceptable ways.

Besides, all the money I save on cigs I can use to buy more atomizers, liquids and other accessories. It's all worth it when I can sit at work and vape away while the smokers have to go outside in the 100 degree plus heat!!

Bottom line, don't be too hard on yourself. One of these days you'll quit for good. Until then, just keep at it.