Best joke wins a ZMAX 510 battery mod!
Page 1 of 39 1234511 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 388
Like Tree658Likes

Thread: Best joke wins a ZMAX 510 battery mod!

  1. #1
    Forum Supplier ECF Veteran eric's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Texas, USA & Gloucestershire, UK
    Posts
    2,478

    Thumbs up Best joke wins a ZMAX 510 battery mod!

    We're giving away an original Smoktech ZMAX V1.

    Funniest joke wins. I'll determine the winner in the next 7 days.

    I won't read any of the jokes until next Wednesday, that way they're all still fresh on my mind when I make the decision my mood will be consistent throughout.

    --

    EDIT:

    WOW! This has really taken off. I swear I haven't read any of the jokes, but I'm really looking forward to it!

    I'll read through everything on Monday and Tuesday, and declare a winner on Wednesday. I haven't decided whether or not we'll do a 2nd and 3rd prize yet, but with all the response I might just do it!

    In the meantime, check out the website and browse our wares! We have a lot of new inventory in, including Vision Spinner 2's, Aspire Nautilus Glassomizers, Protank 3's, Aerotank 2's, and more. We also have some serious discounts on clearance items (selling at BELOW what it cost us to stock! No joke!).

    Also, our eliquid is the best in the world. If you're new to VS and haven't ever order from us, be sure to check out the free sample giveaway thread here: Free liquid samples for first timers! (It's on hold right now, but we'll pick it back up soon!). Or, if you'd rather not wait, check out our eliquid listings here: Best Eliquid In The Universe! (We're best known for our unique tobacco blends. If you're a tobacco vaper, you should really give us a shot!)

    Look forward to reading all these jokes. I can't wait. This is sure to brighten up my Monday!
    Last edited by eric; 08-15-2014 at 07:35 PM.

  2. #2
    Forum Supplier ECF Veteran eric's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Texas, USA & Gloucestershire, UK
    Posts
    2,478

    Default

    Aaaaaaaaand, go!

  3. #3
    Ultra Member Verified Member
    ECF Veteran
    AzPlumber's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    2,658

    Default

    Scott.........
    No Matter How Good She Looks, Someone Somewhere Is Tired Of Her Crap

  4. #4
    Forum Supplier ECF Veteran eric's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Texas, USA & Gloucestershire, UK
    Posts
    2,478

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AzPlumber View Post
    Scott.........
    I changed it when I realized I end all my sampler giveaway PMs with my full name

    So, jokes!

  5. #5
    PV Master Verified Member
    ECF Veteran
    olderthandirt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Willamette Valley, PNW
    Posts
    7,558
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    Pirate walks into a bar.

    He has a ships wheel stuck in the front of his pants.

    Barkeep sez "What's with the ships wheel in the front of your pants?"

    Pirate sez.................

    "Aaarrggghhhh. It be drivin' me nuts!"

    Thank you. I'm here all week.

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . Home of The First and Best WTA . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . It's Not Just About Unflavored Anymore!. . . . . . . . . . .

  6. #6
    PV Master ECF Veteran kritter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    western north carolina
    Posts
    8,264

    Default

    Farmer Evans was driving his John Deere tractor along the road with a trailer load of fertilizer. Tim a little boy of eight was playing in his yard when he saw the farmer and asked, 'What've you got in your trailer?'

    'Manure,' Farmer Evans replied.

    'What are you going to do with it?' asked Tim.

    'Put it on my strawberries,' answered the farmer.

    Tim replied, 'You ought to come and eat with us, we put ice-cream on our strawberries.'
    eric, kathi17 and UrKungFuNoGood like this.

  7. #7
    jj2
    jj2 is offline
    Tigger Girl Verified Member
    ECF Veteran
    Supporting Member
    jj2's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Hundred Acre Wood
    Posts
    176,868

    Default

    Why do they lock Gas Station bathrooms?

    Are they afraid someone's going to clean them?
    eric likes this.



  8. #8
    Doin' a Selfie Verified Member
    ECF Veteran
    Supporting Member
    spartanstew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Wylie, Texas
    Posts
    8,540

    Default

    Man: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'.

    Doctor: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.

    Man: 'Is it common?'

    Doc: 'It's not unusual'



    Spent on Vaping: 1065.29


  9. #9
    Doin' a Selfie Verified Member
    ECF Veteran
    Supporting Member
    spartanstew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Wylie, Texas
    Posts
    8,540

    Default

    A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''



    Spent on Vaping: 1065.29


  10. #10
    Double Guru Verified Member
    ECF Veteran
    Supporting Member
    loxmythe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    pa
    Posts
    21,124

    Default

    I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "You're definitely going to crap yourself" chili.
    Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off!!! Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No "Watson's Movement 2". Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as "Thunder and Lightning!" Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

    Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.
    Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that "Uh oh, gotta go" pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I
    could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet
    relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.
    There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded.
    I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.
    I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting.
    Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor woman but I didn't.
    I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake.
    Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped down", if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my "Nether Region."
    Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun!!! Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal @$$-plosion took place.
    Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable "Oh my God", floating above the toilet seat because my BUTT is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of "Shock and Awe". He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, , then quickly left.
    Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, "Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem." That of course set me off laughing again, causing residual gases to escape me.
    The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!", then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return. Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. claim they're going to have to repaint the store!
    eric, Evie Luv, daleron and 4 others like this.

    This signature has been deleted by Loxmythe Reason: He's just mean

Page 1 of 39 1234511 ... LastLast

Bookmarks