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| | #11 |
| Full Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA
Posts: 129
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| | #12 |
| Full Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA
Posts: 129
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| | #13 | |
| Super Member | Quote:
__________________ Those who dream by day are cognizant of many thing which escape those who only dream at night ~ Edgar Allan Poe | |
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| | #14 |
| One & Only Wicked Witch | A laugh for today.... A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions, he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.' He turned to the second mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.' He turned to the third mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.' At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, ****, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go home."
__________________ There's a new playground in town: Emerald Vapers ONE purpose, ONE goal, ONE MILLION voices raised with ONE message! - Our right to VAPE! |
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| | #15 |
| Supporting Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: St. Cloud Florida
Posts: 3,740
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Thanks Beth, I get confused by a group of initals or letters. Stay out of Wal-mart! Visit K-mart..lol Love the new picture Shimmy! But quit encouraging Beth. LOL Vicks Vap! Silky, I passed by Mom's T.V. and saw Lorena on it. She looks happy now. But I do wonder about her new hubby..what was HE thinking on his wedding day! Mary ************************************************** **** Cat Joke Two older ladies were shopping in the mall when Joanne smiled: "My cat can really play chess!" With a shocking expression, Angelina praised Joanne's cat: "Really? It must be very smart!" Just when Angelina finished her sentence, Joanne said:" Well... Actually, I don't know about that. I usually win three out of four times." ********************************************* Dog Joke A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says: "Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard." ********************************************** Another Dog Joke A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "you'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute. " Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. "Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time. "There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!" |
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| | #16 |
| Senior Member |
Have you heard about the new "Octo-Mom Breakfast" at IHOP? . . . . . . . . 8 eggs, no sausage and somebody else has to pay for it. ![]() (it was the best I could do. sadly, I never remember any good jokes)
__________________ Stick THAT in your e-pipe and vape it! |
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| | #17 |
| Supporting Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: St. Cloud Florida
Posts: 3,740
| Avid, I liked that one! Mary The Census A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, 'Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Bill y, they're thirty-two. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're twenty-six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four . ' 'Hold on!' said the census taker, 'Did you get twins EVERY time?' The woman answered, ' Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin.' |
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| | #18 |
| Supporting Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Illinois
Posts: 36
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THE HUMAN BODY It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb). The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. Women blink twice as often as men. The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain. Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still. If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. Women reading this will be finished now. Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
__________________ If you're trying to drive me crazy---you're too late!!!! |
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| | #19 |
| Full Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: North Dakota, USA
Posts: 139
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OMG, I manage an off sale liquor store and now I'll be looking at the thumbs on every guy I wait on! What a SCREAM
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| | #20 |
| Supporting Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: St. Cloud Florida
Posts: 3,740
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Hi DawnLori, From cold country I see! I spent a few years in Cheyenne..tooooo cold for this Florida girl! What I want to know is how are you going to get those guys to let measure their thumbs! Hi Sage, I have a dear friend who uses that screen name, but she doesn't smoke, drink run around or do any thing fun..lol Mary |
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