A Smile for you

[Mary Kay]

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1990.
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They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
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Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
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Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
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The CD was introduced the year before they were born.
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They have always had an answering machine.
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They have always had cable.
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They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
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Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
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Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
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They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
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They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
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They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
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They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane.."
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They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
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McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
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They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
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Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. Notice the larger type, that'sfor those of you who have trouble reading..
[IMG]aoladp://MA24812093-0048/image04828.gif[/IMG]So have a nice day!!!!! It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!


Sorry, the pics didn't work

[CES]

I'm older than earth day and sesame street- but NOT older than barbie

[Katattack]

As of late I'm realizing that creeping into the "older" camp and out of the "youngster" camp. My daughter telling me that she and the other kids were talking about old movies....like Goonies. My mind screamed "old movie! What?!?!"
She's right though, it was out long before she was born.

Also, hearing songs that were popular when you were in high school on the "classics" station. Yeah drives the point home too.

[Mary Kay]

I knew I was "Old" when I heard the 'Star Trek" theme playing in an elevator and when the Beatles became grandpa's!

[Mary Kay]

1 A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills...
she has 14 kids but she doesn't really care..

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a
woman gain 5 lbs.

3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes .

5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't
know what you are doing, someone else does.
6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat are really good friends.

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today...

8 Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain
consciousness.

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together
and setting fire to my panties.

10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet, for a while, and it
shrinks 2 sizes!

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things
like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!'.....Now, I've forgotten my
address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never
forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to
eat!
12. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about
nothing -- and then they marry him.
13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?
That's my idea of a perfect day!

[beebopnjazz]

LOL MK - #9 is a new one for me- never heard that one before!

[Mary Kay]

True Friendship--None of that Sissy Stuff

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?


Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship...


You will see no cute little smiley faces on this --Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.


1. When you are sad --I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.


3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.


4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.


5.When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.


7.When you are sick --Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have..

8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath . . . I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask - because you are my friend.


Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

[jj2]

We must have the same friends---we get the same emails.

[Mary Kay]

A little something for Mary Kay and the Womens Room The Why's of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING
SEX
(because they are plugged into a genius)

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2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING
SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
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3.. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO
FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

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(You're laughing, aren't you?)
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5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN
DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


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6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE
WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
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7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET
SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

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( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde
jokes!)

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One day my housework-challenged husband
decided to wash his sweat-shirt seconds after he stepped
into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on ' your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'
And they say blondes are dumb...


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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am
going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what
do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

she replied. 'Probably that I married you for your money,'

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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumour

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Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my
man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your
bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading
your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

[Mary Kay]

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boatout.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
andbegins to read her book.

The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls upalongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'


'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.For all I know you could start at any moment.I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads.

It's likely she can also think.