For those left behind.

[MaryKay]

I have found that when a person dies that it is far from over for those of us left behind.
Mom left an ironclad will..the problem is that what she left ME was the copy..with no clue as to where the original is! Now it's in probate, meaning because property in another county is involved that I had to get a lawyer. He is about the same age as Doogie Houser!
It's not too bad because I am her only living heir. My sister passed 23 years ago..but Mom who has every other paper known to man doesn't seem to have her death certificate! I had to provide Grandma and Grandpa's SS#...why? Doesn't the government already know that?
I am really amazed they didn't need her divorce papers or dad's death certificate! this is truly frustrating.
I had to locate her grave plots and wait 4 days for somebody to get back to me. Then I find out I have a choice, pay someone from a funeral home in Tampa $600.00 to dig a 1 1/2 foot wide by 3 foot deep hole or do it ourselves! And please save the grass to replace after you fill it in. What is it a divot? Please!
Then there is insurence, she had one that is playing games with us, they won't tell us how much they owe us and when in this decade they might pay it out. I need to buy her headstone. Then her Civil Service people (she worked on a Military base) sent us a booklet to fill out. Things like fill out 1 through 4 if you are related, but 5 through7 if you are deceased. But if you are the representive then fill out 9 through 12! So what happened to 8? total craziness. Then they might tell us if they owe us anything or not.
The lawyer has done all the court stuff for me and has been very nice, but he's a lawyer..he has to be!
What do people do when it's a spouse or a child and they just can't cope! This should be so hard on those left behind!To say I am frustrated is putting it mildly. This whole thing is a nightmare of paperwork and head banging.
This shouldn't be so hard!

[beckah54]

Been there, MK, and I feel your pain. Too much to handle on top of the grieving proocess. All you can do is take it one day at a time and lean on anyone you can for support.

[Jules22871]

MaryKay, I am so sorry you are having to go thru all this. When my mother was killed we had to go thru all that too plus we had to go thru a wrongful death lawsuit against the city she lived in. It drug out for over 4 years. Every court appearance was like rubbing salt in the wound. It ended up breaking me and my sister up. We haven't talked in over a year now. If you need a shoulder you know how to get a hold of me.

[Kate51]

What a nightmare! Would have been easier had there not been a will...and yes! the govm't would know where to find you if she owed taxes....
Walter's daughter died a little over three years ago from cancer. She had a ten-year-old, was living with his father, in a house in her name, her sig. other didn't want his ex-wife to have any claim to it....she owed quite a bit on credit cards. Her SO could not even check with the bank to see what her checking account balance was. It took him four months just to find a lawyer who could work with him. Then almost two years just to gather all things together. He had to re-buy his own house, even though it is technically their son's house! We found out Wisconsin had no common-law since about 1921. Funeral and burial was a shared expense for all of us.
So, give the thing some time, if your Mom has always lived in Florida all of that should be filed somewhere....hope you have a pre-set arrangement with the attorney.
For your sister there is certainly a death certificate, would be in the county where she died. The $600 for burial seems a little unreal, since she already had her plots. Perpetual care should be included in the plot cost, not in the burial. In Wi. it's that way, maybe not there. They do that here because some plots are never used.
Good time to remind all about having things in order and where everyone knows where it is. That reminds me.......we have so work to do as well.
You're right, this shouldn't be so hard. A copy of a will isn't binding, but if the original can't be found, then what. Makes no sense. Sorry, my post is no help at all, but please do keep us posted. Through your fingers into cyber space, may give you some comfort...

[MaryKay]

The lawyer was very up front, he listed what he thought the costs would be and why. Good kid. The will well may be filed somewhere..but where? It's probably sitting in some lawyer's safe who died 20 years ago.
The Judge awarded me representative for Mom's estate with no problem. The lawyer sent for my sister's death certificate so that's done. The property goes to me no matter what because I am her only heir..it's just that we are in 2 different counties and she died in mine, not hers. (both in Florida)
The plot was paid for by my grandparents in the 40's and given to mom in the 60's. The problem is because she is creamated..the funeral home is up here. To have some other funeral home dig the tiny hole for us would have cost $600.00 that's just stupid! My son will go out ahead of us and do it.

One of the things that has really made me mad is mom's Dr. he took care of mom for a year or so before she died. The hospital she went to wasn't on his list of hopitals he worked for. he never called or checked in any way to see how she was or what happened. He knew she was taken to the hospital because I asked his nurse to send all mom's records to them.

We are working through all this garbage..day by day, Mom's happy where she is in my living room in a pretty wooden box Mike bought for her ashes. She's still keeping tabs on me.

[Kate51]

I think she's getting a kick out of it! Have you 'seen' her?

I saw my Mom, after. (A dream?) She smiled at me. I was crying crying trying to give her some oxygen tubes cause she needed them, and she just smiled and waved her hand 'no'. So I guess that meant she's just fine.

[MaryKay]

No! I went through that for a year with my sister, dreaming of her everynight and thinking I saw her everyday! Somebody would turn a corner and from the corner of my eye I would think it was her. But she died in an accident and I never got to say goodbye or view her, Mom was different. We knew it was coming and I saw her 12 hours before she passed.
I take it as a good thing that she moved on and didn't linger.

[Kamanjah]

My heart goes out to you, Mary Kay. I'm just shaking my head at what you're dealing with. Too, too much!

Best,
K

_____________

[AngeLsLuv]

Mary Kay, The first thing.. That certainly is a mess and it seems like your Lawyer, whether being a kid and nice seeems to be not diong all of his job.. To get a death certificate, all you need to do is go to Where to Write for Vital Records - Homepage
to get information for death, birth, divorce, marriage certificates by clicking on the state, they will show you how to get it.. but then you can contact the city and you can get it to..

A site to explain stuff like this is here:

We Know: How to Get a Copy of a Death Certificate

you are experiencing the Internet and you just search for this stuff and it tells you where to get all of this stuff.. Everything is online now... I got the record of my Great Grandmother landing on Elise Island when she was four years old in 1894 online....

Just search like:
How do I _____Fill in the blank____

The lawyer and his assistant should actually be doing all of this for you, not you doing it...

The one thing I don't understand is "How could your mother have her own death certificate"???

All the paper work with the army is so typical... Just put a srcatch line on the numbered questions you don't need to fill out so they can not "add" to it to rip you off... Do everything in pen too... Guess you don't need to do an 8 since they probably forgot the 8th question and just poped the 8 in to confuse anyone filling it out... Screw 'em if they can't take a joke...

Breathe Sweetie... We are here for you and you are a blessing to us here.... Do this stuff slowly and don't get your head wrapped up in it.... Take a break when you need it....

And don't forget... You got the net now... It makes it alot easier... Maybe I could help if you need it?? Just email me...

[MaryKay]

The death certificate we were looking for was my sister's not my mom's. I just thought it odd she didn't have one in her paperwork.
Everything is done that can be done. The headstone was purchased yesterday and we will have a little ceremony at the gravesite next month.
I had both mom's and my sisters dates put on the headstone so my sister has a marker too. The insurance's are done and all the legal stuff is done. All we are waiting for is the 3 month search for creditors be to finished so the property can be put in my name and the estate closed.
We did find several accidental insurances..she died of natural causes, so they are moot. But one did request we send in a claim..who knows!