the best of times, the worst of times
Today was bad.
Bad physically, emotionally (though that happens more and more because of my hormones), and spiritually too.
I worked in the yard this week. Spent two days digging, planting, and fixing my landscaping. That was therapeutic, I do love to dig in the dirt. It helps clear my mind, and I feel like I've accomplished something tangible.
Today was 'recover' day. The muscles ached, my hands ached, and because it was ungodly hot, my head was throbbing all day.
This wasn't the worst of it, the worst was this evening. Today, my favorite place to hang out, the place I spend most all of my ECF time, the PIF subforum; was closed. I heard things had gotten a little heated last night, and some changes were made. Since I couldn't lurk and help anymore, I needed to rejoin.
A few hours after I put in my request, I received a reply. Short and to the point, I was told no, that I did not have the PIF group's best interests at heart.
What in the world did I do wrong??? was it when I tried to convince someone to stay? was it when I gave and gave and gave? was it when I welcomed everyone I could, included everyone I could? gave constantly without taking anything in return? no, obviously that couldn't be it. The only thing I can even possibly conceive, is when I stated how I felt about a subject many were trying to avoid. I did not name any names, I did not ever attack anyone, (though I was accused of it recently), I simply gave an outsiders view, said my 2 cents (which were allowed to stay, btw) and moved along.
Now suddenly, I'm not acting with the best interests of Paying it Forward??
Seems to me that may be a little backward. Perhaps there are other folks that don't have the best interests of PIF at heart, and perhaps are more interested in furthering their own interests.
I don't know. I am not privy to any information, never have been, have not pretended to know, nor probably never will. I am not sneaking around, doing anything untowardly, nor have I ever.
I do speak my mind, (though I sincerely try and monitor what I say), and try to keep in mind that we are all human, we all have feelings, and we all are trying to work together. I don't pretend to agree with everything, nor do I pretend to like everyone; instead, I try to avoid contact with those things. If I am misunderstood, and no one says anything; I do not feel responsible. I cannot control what others think or feel. If this is brought to my attention, I can refute it, correct it. If it's not, I cannot. I do not feel that I should be held accountable for someone else's misconceptions if I am never told. Is that not logical?!?
Perhaps, perhaps not. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. But I cannot know if I'm never told. And so it is with my denial. I'm left wondering, what happened??? What in the world did I do?
So, today, it was not the best of days. My brain hurts now just thinking about it
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