thought I'd update.
After running tests, blood work a colonoscopy, an endoscopy, and an upper G.I. the specialist all concur that there is no Krohn's and that it is a Ulcerative Colitis that is also irritated by reaction to lactose.
What this means is daily meds (pills) twice a day, plus zantac once a day, and lactaid when consuming lactose laiden foods. Much happiness it is not as serious as thought before and the pills, though quite expensive, have done wonders. No more pains and cannot see anymore blood in her stool.
As far as the other, after a few horrendous weeks of pure hell we talked and agreed to a divorce. Just need time to get some things financially in order then work it all out on paper and get the process started.
Thank God! I feel so much more at peace knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel now.
Been a few times now that I craved a cigarette or a really good cigar. Have held off so far. I reordered some 0nic juice from Madvapes (50ml) so I got that to hold me over when I do get cravings.
Thinking about splurging and getting some iVape Sweet Carolina. I really liked the taste when I vaped it in the past, just suddenly had a craving as I typed this, lol.
Now to see what the future holds for me.
Spoke with my mother tonight. She lives in Japan, I live in Florida.
She's been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Doctors told her she has 6 months, maybe a little more to live.
So you can imagine I'm feeling pretty bad right now,...actually pretty numb.
Don't look forward to all this setting in after the shock wears off.
And to top it off I really have no way to get over and see her before she dies. Its costly to fly halfway around the world.
She has never had the chance to meet her grand-daughter in person.
She's going to go through it all all alone without me there.
I may not be very active here for awhile.
Lets talk plain vaping for a minute. Since going bridgeless on my atty's I've been getting great performance out of them.
I'm also finding my PT from HotVapes.com invaluable. I don't know if its 5v or not, but it blows away battery operation each and every time. I think its higher because the coil turns red really fast.
I love this PT, I'm getting ready to make a battery pack so that I can make it portable. I guess I could just get a mod and get the same thing happening in a portable package, but this will do for now and cost will be next to nothing.
For cleaning I've been doing nothing but dry burning using the PT on the atty's and its working out great for me. They come clean of any flavor and none have popped. Then I drip a little straight WallyWorld VG, vape a few hits and let it sit.
Something else I've been doing is dripping the straight VG before dry burns. It seems to help the coil rid itself of some flavor before the cleaning process. I will say though that I don't use any really strong or overbearing flavors. They're all pretty mild, the strongest being Ivape sweet Caroline and Rocky Mountain Cappucino.
The 650mah battery is really working well for me. I'm thinking its time to sell off my 510 batts and get another one, then I'll be set for good.
....how did I end up with my blog being entered three times?
I tried deleting and editing but got a message stating I didn't have permission to do so. Must be part of the ugrade taking place.
At least now I am able to edit this post. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to delete it, lol.
Oh upgrades are fun.
Off to edit the other duplicate.
At work right now and its been a long night. I am wiped out. But at least I can feel good about being smoke free for 55 days.
Got my best friend, he is John too, into vaping. Was able to aquire a Blu Cig kit for him and gave it to him last night. Hopefully it will works out. He is one of those cold turkey kind of guys, has quit before all by himself. But it seems he was really interested in having something that could really boost his progress along.
I've known John for so long, not only is he a great friend but he is a MONSTER bass player. I played keyboards and we have been in many bands together. .....Ah, the good old days........
I mentioned positive compensations last time. These are things I did when I smoked that I don't seem to do now. One thing was I worked out and exercised.
I did so as a reason to keep myself from smoking. After a workout the last thing I would want was to have a smoke, and it felt good to sweat and not have the urge to light up. Now with the vaping I feel no desire to exert myself. Where did my motivation go? Weird, weird, weird for me to feel that way.
Then there is the metered allotment of time that you parcel out for when you can and cannot smoke. Now I chain vape.
I also used to be so very careful about what I ate when I was smoking, but am not so now. All of it is kind of bumming me out. Why did I change like this?
Something else that was bothering me. Not sure what caused it exactly as I cannot pinpoint.
I started vaping straight VG that I bought at WallMart. Was a nice change when chain vaping to get some flavorless plumes going since I had been overloading the senses all day. And the vapor, WOW, I can actually blow smoke rings with it.
Well I started getting this tightness in my chest and a little cough. Was a real reminder of what it was like when I smoked. Really bothered/worried me. Was I over consuming? Was the VG too thick? Was I getting ill? Was it an after affect of having quit cigarettes?
I have since started changing the way I vape. I do not inhale deeply now, well not always. It seems to help. I've also been putting the PV down as much as I can, or at least going lighter. Without inhaling deeply I take a big hit, then a shallow inhale. Switch up between just exhaling out of mouth or nose. This seems to really help bring put the flavor of the juice when the vapor makes it's way through the nasal passages. Also going lighter on the VG, but I really do like the plain flavorless vape quite often. Maybe one day soon will see me getting straight PG to try doing this with. Would like to see if I get better results, meaning not getting that tightened up ball feeling in my chest. Bugs me when it happens, I expect to start wheezing lightly like I used to do.
Just have to start slowing down but vaping is so much fun to do, to experiment with, to learn about. Yeah, I definately have a fixation going on here.
****Hey how about this new forum stuff going on huh? Slowly but surely it's getting back in place. Give props where they're due because some people are really working hard at making all this happen****
Been a few weeks since I posted here. Just didn't really find the time to and when I did I wasn't really in the mood. Maybe I'll try just some short entries more often. Said that before, we'll see how that goes.
Main thing is I bought a Tornado on the classifieds from Firhill. Was very cheap and it's just a basic no box single battery setup.
First night I was impressed as it lasted me through out one of my 12 hours shifts at work. But now I'm finding a little less battery life. Not sure if its the unit, I think its more of me chain vaping even harder because of being thrilled with this new battery. I does beat the standard 510 batts for longevity. The new setup is alot smaller than I thought it would be too, really not too much bigger than the stock 510.
Am really glad of that. I'm really happy with this purchase, sorta wish I went with it to start, but at least I got the chance to learn from the ground up, and this gives me stuff to sell or trade for upgrading even further.
I am thinking though that I should hold onto the stock 510 batt as there will probably be times where the smaller form factor will come into play on some occasions when I want to vape away from home. You just never know. I've also run that 650 ma battery down more than once and the 510 batt makes for an easy to carry back up to keep you going while it charges.
I really do need to get a grip on this chain vaping I'm doing. Its not a heavy constant, but a steady use all day long. Have to learn to just put it down.
About two weeks ago we had an incident at work (I actually had to get physical with someone) and I was tied up for a few hours. The thought of vaping didn't even cross my mind. The same had happened in the past when I smoked, and I wouldn't have been freaking because I wasn't able to go take a break to smoke, was it's not uncommon to go a few hours without as long as I was occupied.
But once you're clear you make that B line outside to take care of the habit. What amazed me about this instance was that several hours passed before I even thought about it. Just all of a sudden it was like "Hey I haven't been vaping on my pacifier for a long time now and nothing happened".
It made me start thinking about cutting back on my vaping. I know I chain vape mostly because I can and that I can do so indoors at home whereas prior I had to go outdoors to smoke.
Though I would never go back to smoking if I had my choice, I do still see some things that I did when i smoked that I'm not doing now and I probably should. I hate to say they were advantages to smoking, but maybe it should be looked at as positive compensations I made because I smoked that I have abandoned. I'll touch on it more on next time.
Well where do we stand today? I'm at 29 days smoke free! Awesome, feels like I'm actually accomplishing something here. Of course I have spent way more than I ever thought I would on vaping and supplies, and of course you justify if all with "hey its to help me stop smoking".
Had an atty die this week. Dropped me down to one working atty. Got paranoid. I truly do not know what I would do if I found myself in a position that I could not vape. It worries and bothers me that I could back slide.
Yeah maybe its not the right attitude, maybe I'm just being hard headed, but I want to remain smoke free. I have gotten urges to smoke, but I have not succumbed and I don't really think I even truly want to.
To help alleviate some of the worries I ordered more attys. TV had them on sale so I bought 6. Six of them, geez, am I into it or what? At least I'm covered, at least I thought so until I posted about it and people started telling me about how many attys they keep stored!
Well, what use is it to compare yourself to others. Don't want to fall into that self initiated trap. Do whats good for yourself and be happy with it.
Week started off not too good. Had alot of insomnia and some other symptoms this week. Feeling a heck of alot better now but I was stressing for a few days.
I think I'm starting to get a handle on my chain vaping too. I'm finding if I just put it down and do something else, just as I did with cigarettes, I don't do it (duh).
Realizing maybe chaining is also part of what has been affecting me lately. Once again, patience.
I know its time to stop too when my throat gets sore. It got bad last night, got a little carried away. It doesn't happen everyday but I still do chain vape at times. I'm seeing a correlation with cigarettes here.
When I smoked it was minimal when I was at home because I couldn't do it all the time, having to go outside and hiding it as I did. Hid it as best I could from the wife because she would ..... at me. And also from my daughter. She is 7 and my whole world.
Well she made me promise her awhile back that I would quit and it made me feel like a dirtbag that I was not going to honor that. And let me tell you, kids are not stupid, they know what is going on and they can see through alot of the bull that you may try to pull. She flat out told me one day she knew I was still smoking.
Yeah she's got balls and I love her for it.
Well, smoking at home was at a minimum, mainly done when I was home alone or late at night, again alone. But when I went to work that was it. I would take a smoke break whenever I desired and would go through 1/2 - 3/4 of a pack.
Now I'm wondering if I am doing the same with vaping? Is it a nic thing? Go low dosage a day or two then slam on it because I'm craving? we shall see.
I've gotten hold of several bottles of juice now, only one is 24mg, which I use as a "jump starter". The rest vary from 0-18. Some of the flavors I am not thrilled about, but I think its because I was having problems with that atty that died, was giving bad flavor. I jump around on the nic levels trying to go low as much as possible.
Finally a thought that has been gnawing at me. With the exposure to ECF i have been reading about testing on e-cigs, FDA activity, activism, the anti-smoking propaganda, etc, etc.
It really bothers me that so many people are out there trying to keep vaping out of our hands. I saw one report that stated you had to draw harder on a pv than a cigarette to get the vapor out....SO?!?!.It really seemed like the message was "its not worth it, go back to smoking". WTH is wrong with everyone?
I really get the feeling that the entities out there are would actually be happier if we smoked tobacco. Total insanity!!
One other point that really bothers me too are the unscrupulous companies and retailers out their making their outrageous claims about e-cigs. One cart = a pack of smokes (saw one that stated it was equivalent to a carton?!?!). All kinds of outlandish claims, and to boot the pure highway robbery they perpetuate with the prices they charge. Why do they see this as a means to leech the general public?
This puts th e-cig on the same level as fad diet products and home exercise machines that claim to make you lose 20lbs in 3 weeks or get ripped abs by exercising just 5 minutes a day!
We all see them, those miracle cure products out there that are meant to cater to those who are seeking a quick fix to a problem that will require little to no effort on their part. This is the direction that the mainstream marketing has taken with the electronic cigarette. This is their "get rich quick"scheme.
And until this approach is changed, we will never gain mainstream acceptance.
E-cigs will be looked upon as a fad, a gimick. Puts our beloved vaping on the same level as the Thigh Master.
It makes it so easy for the anti-entities to attack e-cigs and discredit them when they make such claims and exhibit such retail practices.
All they are doing is helping to bring about the bans that they desire. The general public likes to focus on anything negative and this is not the way to put any kind of positive light on vaping.
I guess I"m probably preaching to the choir but it just burns me up.
The conspiracy therorist in me says its all part of their master plan to help them bring about a complete ban. They're working it from both sides.
The survivalist in me says to start stocking up on supplies so I can DIY. Maybe start a cache in a cabin out in the wilderness so that I have somewhere to run to when they start kicking down doors to confiscate our pv's.
Don't laugh, I can see it coming. They want us to go back to tobacco, all part of their master plan.....part of their never ending efforts to harness the almighty dollar........ and the power...................
...........where is John and Sarah Connors when we need them!!
Yes, my third week smoke free. Feels good knowing I made it this far despite all the little mental dramas I've suffered or put myself through.
I'm finding things go different day to day. Seems I will have good days where I am not chain vaping or stressing over nic levels or blah, blah, blah, whatever.
Then there are the other days. But you know, that’s life. I am really trying to exercise more patience and just sit back and enjoy vaping. Hopefully there might be people out there that might even pick something up from my blabbering ramblings that could be considered helpful. If I can just help one person along I will consider it worthwhile. And if nothing else it's also helpful to me to put it all into words and sharing it all with others. I look and see that my postings are getting read, and I'm most times surprised by how many times my blog is viewed. You guys may not realize it but it helps me out too and I appreciate it people, I appreciate that others take notice of my thoughts and feelings.
Now speaking of enjoyment, wow, some revelations this week. Started dripping and it is really got me hooked now. The flavors really start to stand out when dripping. I'm also very surprised at how long the e-cig will go on just 2-3 drops.
I'm finding that if I vape slow and draw it out I get a nice experience that makes it that much more enjoyable.
I read a post on ECF from a fellow that reached his one year mark (vaping/smoke free) and it spoke volumes to me. I tried following some of his advice about to actually vape and it is working for me. His user name escapes me now (I'll look it up and post it later) but it is in the new member section.
Next, e-juice. I have received some samples from a vendor (want2vape.com). Donley was very generous to me and PIF'd me a nice selection of his wares. I also received some DIYFlavorShop juice from Sallana in PIF. This is my first foray into a variety of juices in flavors that I previously would have never considered.
Everything all arrived at once in the mail. I was overwhelmed and hitting overload from all the choices. I tried the DIYFlavorShop Creamy Cappuccino first. I dripped it into my 510 as I prepared for my commute to work. I started backing out of the drive and hit my first vape.
OMG!!! I could not believe it. It actually tasted like a real cup of java! This was fantastic. My tastebuds were dancing!
It tasted so much like a real cup of joe that it acted as a trigger, just the same as that first cup of coffee in the morning after waking up. I started craving a cigarette, bad. I mean a craving I hadn’t felt for several days. It was actually a little scary. I thought to myself I could just vape this flavor in the morning instead of actually drinking any java. Then I suddenly had an image of myself with 510 in one hand and a cigarette in the other…vape-drag…vape-drag.
I really couldn’t get over the taste and texture, it totally f*ing rocked my world. As I drove on savoring the whole experience, I came to a realization, I now understood all the excitement and fevor I read among the others at ECF about trying new flavors and sharing and passing about specific juices. I get it now
Later I tried want2vape’s RY4, again I had another “I get it now” moment. It finally got to the point that I had to switch attys as the flavors were too blended, they were strong (oh, didn’t mention they are all 12mg except the DIYShop juices that are 0mg) and started gumming up the works because I mixed them together. I actually bolied up some water and cleaned the first atty at work so that I would have a fresh slate to use for another flavor.
That flavor was W2V’s Alcazar, a cigar flavor. I’ve had my fair share of cigars. Loved smoking them. Was actually smoking them on a regular basis for a short while, back before starting a family and I could afford it. Arturo Fuente was my favorite. Well I was blown away by the juice and that it actually tasted like a real cigar! Just as in a real cigar, the more I vaped, the more my tastebuds seemed to die and the flavor started to dull. It was so close to the real thing I couldn’t believe it. These juice makers are true artisans to me now. I am flabbergasted.
I can foresee some long vaping sessions coming up at home using the PT! I have twice now prior bought from Backwoods Brew, and now am thinking about trying some of his other offerings, branching out from the reserved tastes I have stuck to.
Yeah I’m learning that keeping the attys clean is going to be important, especially with strong vibrant flavors. I understand now why so many turn to and stick with the USA producers. I’m not knocking Dekang juice, but there definitely is a difference.
I am also excited about making the “flavor” discoveries that I did this weekend. It has made me see a new avenue, a new lease on my vaping journey. Kind of a new kick start that I felt when first starting to use the PV. Another new level of excitement.
Not vaping as much today. Felt pretty good actually.
Slept in (was up late on ECF as usual lately)
Weather was horrendous today, heat and humidity that kills on contact.
But I got the yard mowed (front and back) and got a little exercising in. Good day overall, feeling pretty good right now.
Tried dripping last night and liked it. I don't know if it will be a full time thing, but I did it for a long while last night and was really able to taste the flavors in my juices.
Doing it on the PT was really nice. So I'm thinking i will keep a few carts to use for times it is not feasible to drip, like driving, some work situations, or being on the go. So now to work on getting some 3ml and 5ml bottles for easy carrying of my juice for dripping.
I'm a bit of a gadget guy so one day soon here I'm going to have to post about the little carry kit I put together, actually I have two. A bare bones minimalist setup to drop in the pocket and go, and a pouch setup I take to work with what I need to set up carts and do light field maintenance when away from home.
If you're into that gadgetry type stuff you should check out EDCF (Every Day Carry Forums). thats the place to get ideas and advice on all kinds of cool gadgetry and pouches and such for keeping tools and toys on your person and secure.
Spent half an hour typing my latest blog entry, and when I went to post I got the "Server is too busy" message and lost it all!!! ARRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!
Not going to do it all over so here is the long and short of it.
1-Vaping, it's a habit. Better than smoking, but still a habit. Don't fool yourself
2-Nicotine....it's addictive, should we stop using it? Is it really that bad or is it a stigma ingrained by the anti-smoking crowd?
3-Flip flopping.....its what I'm doing, why? Am I going through some type of withdrawal? Am I insecure? Will I wet the bed? Who knows
4-Got some 0mg nic juice....use it when chain vaping
5-Patience...... there's a reason why they call it a virtue. Use it more often
6-my new pass-thru.......been using it
Hey, kinda liking this new format, what do you think? Sounds like a "next on Larry King Live" commercial.
Finally I will share the one truly positive thing that happened today. You know it's good when all of a sudden you realize you did (or didn't) do something.
It dawned on me just a bit earlier that I went all day without thinking once about having a cigarette. Not once, at least I don't recall doing so. I'll take that as a did not do it.
Its not like I'm fighting a demon hanging over me every minute of the day as I might if I was doing all this cold turkey (where did that term come from?).
It's more like the thought will cross my mind occasionally. I'm realizing now that vaping has not been a complete replacement for smoking, meaning that there is still effort on my part that has to be applied.
I've been having those occasional thoughts because feeling the smoke in my lungs was more fulfilling to the habit's need. It's something the vaping emulates, but cannot totally replace.
Refer back to #5 above. Till next time.
Well another week and still no cigarettes. Feeling good about that. Still get occassional thoughts about having one, but have no real desire to follow through. I am not willing to go and buy a pack just to have one smoke. The thought of back pedaling repulses me. And I am not about to bum a smoke off anyone. I always hated people bumming off me and always refused to do the same, but thats just me.
Had a lot of thoughts during the week that I was going to post about, but escapes me now.
My big thing right now, and I posted a thread in the forums about it is my nic consumption.
I went with a lower nic, 6mg, and apparently it's not doing me too well. I keep vaping on it but it doesn't seem to fulfill me. Been almost chain vaping some days.
That was something else that's been bugging me lately too. Seems I crank up the pv and just going non stop. I did have a day or two that I let up on it, mainly because I was occupied with other things I had to take care of at home. Guess I need to distract myself just as I did with cigarettes.
I'm coming to realize that I am still in my infancy of smoking cessation, so despite the enthusiasm I first felt, I still have some hurdles to overcome.
I ordered some Backwoods Brew due to glowing reviews. Juice is a little thicker than the PG stuff I first had. In my PM's with him Dkrom (brewer of this juice) states he makes his Brew with a 70%-30% ratio of PG/VG.
He will make your order to whatever mg level of nic you desire. I chose 6mg of nic in an effort to drop my levels.
He ships fast, communicates fast, uses nice bottles, great price, and has a custom label that looks good too. I have no complaints on the product itself. I think I should have gone with 8-12mg, but thats a personal issue.
The taste of BWB juice is nice, better than the generic stuff I had. Once I got the hang of adjusting my cart to the new juice it vaped well and I could really taste the flavor (cherry soda). I placed another order for just cherry @ 6mg, with a request for extra flavor. Should be here in a few days.
Adjusting the carts, yeah been having some issues with my cartridges.
After messing around for a few days I came to realize that I was overfilling them. I have been using the method described here
Thing is I didn't realize that you have to adjust your filler to the juice, same size will not work for all juices due to their consistency being different, some thicker, some thinner. of course it is mentioned in the thread but I guess it just didn't sink in.
I was flooding alot, actually got juice in my mouth out of the cart. Never ocurred during my first week, but it did with the BWB juice, because it is a little thicker than what I had. Its nothing to do with the juice, just my methods.
Finally figured out to use less juice and it is working out great. The flavor really started coming out after I got the cart issue straight. Is much more enjoyable now.
I and many others reccomend this juice. Not getting so much of the "510 gurgle" sound and its vaping smooth.
And have some patience. I also discovered that I need to refill carts and let them set for awhile. They seem to work a whole lot better if they sit and soak up for an hour at the very least.So now I fill at least two carts so one can sit over night. It really helps.
I tried cartomizers for the first time. Wish I hadn't. Wish I had used the money for more carts. You can read about it here at the thread i posted
Also thanks to the generosity of HotVapes.com, I am now the owner of a in line PT. Only really used it once. Will post about it after getting more use out of it.
Last issue (been a week of issues for me!) is my batteries. Seems one of them is not lasting as long as it used to. I could be wrong, maybe it just seems not to last as long. Will have to keep an eye on it and see where it leads. I always keep in mind all the info on ECF about attys and batts only lasting weeks so it is something I keep constant watch over.
Cleaned my attys for the first time. Just a soaking in very hot water, then set out to dry followed by a dry burn. I blow on the bridge after each dry burn to cool faster. Did not seem to cause damage and they did taste better afterwards.
Bought a big bag of WalMart polyfill. Been doing some trading in the PIF social group. What an awesome group of people. Visit there and join if you get a chance. So I also got some more juice coming in, hopefully by end of the week, and higher nic content too.
I'm going to try and post more often rather than having these epic Tom Clancy novel size blog entries. We'll see how it goes.
Well had a little time so that I would post some more. As I mentioned yesterday, I am starting to notice smells really standing out. The cafeteria at work is starting to smell a heck of a lot nicer that I can recall in the past. Seems I can smell the food from further away than before. And I am really taking notice of things that stink.
Came out of the bathroom after taking a shower the day before and some stink just struck me like a brick! It was the dog. Perfumes and body sprays seem to be sticking out to me too. I am not really noticing the smell of smoke on others, mainly because I have not been around anyone who was smoking, not by choice, just seems to have been working out that way. When the sprinklers are on at work they use that reclaimed water and it reeks to high heaven (like rotten eggs). I could always smell it when the sprinklers were running, last night I noticed the smell after the water turned off and the water was still pooled on the ground.
I’ve been ruminating to myself lately about the actual act of vaping. Comparing it to smoking, analyzing technique, guess its been occupying my mind since I just started. I’m just going to jot down some of thoughts on vaping and close it out from there.
Vaping, imho, helped me to quit because it is replacing the act of smoking (duh?). Follow the theory of NRT (Nicotine Replacement Therapy) using the patch or nic gum is a mistake. Most likely for many people, such as myself, quitting is not a battle against nic addiction, it’s the psychological manifestation taking place with the ritual of smoking. This is why one has to battle against triggers, stress, and situations that bring about the desire to light one up.
Stress is one of the biggest factors for many to deal with when it comes to quitting. Stress will cause relapses where many others triggers will not.
I am glad I followed the advice many gave and got a manual 510 to start. Yes we are vaping now, but it does emulate smoking. But when I use the manual 510 it is so different, the only real similarity is the act of inhaling. By having to hold the PV in a different fashion than a cigarette, pressing a button, inhaling in a different manner, it all helps to lead me away from the familiar ritual involved in smoking. The change is good as it leads me elsewhere, down a different path away from the smoking ritual. I wondering if using an auto battery would be too much like a real cigarette, may cause a craving to occur. Or maybe I’m just overly paranoid?
Was talking to my best friend who I told all about my e-cig experience today. He was thrilled and is considering its use as he wants to quit too.
I told him that it’s a great aide, but don’t expect it to be exactly like smoking. Taste is going to be different. Look for the positive in all the differences you find. Let the differences take you away form the ritual you are familiar with so that triggers and relapses can be avoided.
Also told him don’t expect to quit immediately, its different for everyone. But if you can get to the point that it cuts your cigarette consumption in half you are doing great!
One thing I couldn’t stand was self righteous anti-smokers, especially self righteous EX-anti-smokers.
I will strive to not follow in their footsteps. We are all allowed our own personal choices and if someone wants to smoke that is their choice. If it is so deadly and terrible then why do they still sell them to us?
I will not argue with people over it but one thing I will not tolerate is someone who is smoking but trying to tell me that vaping is not good for me, or that I am only substituting one habit for another. The other one is “but you’re still using nicotine!”.
It’s one thing if you don’t smoke, are uninformed and say these things, but don’t say them to me if you still smoke. I’m putting a lot less into my system vaping all day than you do with one cigarette. Not going to start a fight over it, but I will speak my mind, or maybe I’ll just walk away from you because you have just proved to me you’re very ignorant.
With all my ranting and raving, two points I forgot to add.
First, I am not coughing as much as I used to. When I lay down to sleep, I will have a small coughing fit. It is slowly disipating, coughing less. Also when awake and walking about too. Not sputtering as much. Also less phlegm being produced.
Second, my sense of smell is returning. Amazing how many things smell like crapbut you don't notice.
I'll elaborate later, its about 8am, time to clock out and go home and get some SLEEP.
Well it has been one whole week now and no cigarettes. There have been urges, but not strong. More like the thought of having one. I suppose its the lingering thought of the satisfaction I held in the past when I had a smoke. Its not anything I can't overcome, it doesn't eat away at me, but it just pops into the brain a few times a day. I still have my last pack from a week ago, 7 of them in there. Feels good knowing I don't have any real desire to smoke them. I keep wondering why I am holding onto them, is it for security? knowing that they are there if I need them? Initially that is why I held onto them, but now I have a plan for them. I want to take them to my wife after a week or two has passed and show them to her, them sit there and break each one in half right in front of her. (She doesn't smoke, btw). Am hoping it will help in gaining her acceptance for my vaping to stop smoking. You see....I been keeping all of this a secret! I think thats why I'm blogging, I have NEVER been a blogger, but it seems to help me mentally (and boy am I mental).
I feel fortunate that it has been as easy as it has for me to quit. It leads me to believe that I was ready to quit, but like many others, I just couldn't completely let go. I have come to terms with the fact that I truly do enjoy smoking and that is what was holding me back.
A lot of my thoughts and feelings I guess can be read about through my posts on ECF. I’m actually surprised at the support the forum provides through its members and their positive attitudes.
Well to get caught up to date. For a couple of days I felt a little loopy. Still experiencing a little loss of appetite. Also a little trouble sleeping now. Was not uncommon before starting to vape, but it just seems more noticeable. I will wake up in the middle of the night more than once, really makes me drag in the morning. Usually I’m a 2-3 cups of coffe kind of guy to get started, but I haven’t really had the desire to consume coffee. Also I totally blew off working out this week. I do feel that it did me some good taking a few days off to allow my body to recover as I just recently starting exercising again, but still, a whole week.
On top of that I feel really tired in the afternoon, either that or come bedtime I just drop out. Not really feeling frustrated with all this (not yet anyways), but I know some kind of change needs to come about soon. I feel that I am just plodding along without direction or motivation.
For a few days I was having problems remembering little things. Like I would call my daughter by the dog’s name and vice versa. Then I called my dog Sam, well his name is Peanut. Sam is the name of the dog we had when I was a kid. I seem to be getting a little better about that though. Also that deal with calling him Sam scared me a little. I know its silly to think it, but it made me feel really old, like seeing my mortality. It also made me think about when my father died. I was told as he was going down hill that one sign that death is close is when a person starts to talk as if they had just seen their parents or family members who have already passed. I have witnessed this happening to others and saw it in my father just before he died. Calling the dog by my old pet’s name made me think of all this in a flashing instant as I stood there in the kitchen, and it scared me.
The other issue that is starting to weighing on my mind is that I am vaping like a fiend! Constantly!
At first I thought it was in to compensate for not smoking, and maybe it was initially, though I am seeing otherwise now. I’m getting the impression that the novelty of using a PV is driving me. The fact that I can vape practically anywhere, without all the hassles accompanying the usual use of cigarettes is a wonderful feeling. But it seems I do it just because I can get away with it
I’m going to have to get a handle on this soon though so that I can get centered and more comfortable with the fact that I am not smoking now. Perhaps I am in denial about the effects that quitting has taken on me? Perhaps I am compensating with the constant use? I also wonder if I am trying to feed a nicotine need?
There is one other aspect has been weighing upon me with all the vaping. One of my initial goals is to cut out the steady financial drain that cigarettes caused me. Granted it wasn’t a large amount compared to other smokers, I figured it out to be $45 a month, which can equate to what some people spend weekly on smokes. But I want to be able to cut that cost in half. I understand the initial outlay for getting set up here, but I will have spent more than what I usually do for smokes by the end of this month. I tell myself though to look at the big picture. I’m off the tar, and carbon, and chemicals. But I also wonder if this is a cop out too. Still feeding this habit in a new way. Damn, why so much self doubt?
But now, thanks to the generosity of a ECF member and some surfing through the classifieds, I think I will have myself set up to, hopefully, go at least a month without any expense. I still have about 5ml of my e-juice that I got with my 510 kit. Got another 30 ml coming in this week. I’m thinking of getting a box of cartos. The blank cartridges I got are refillable, but don’t seem to hold up to cleanings. Pulling out the fillings and replacing them really depletes their efficiency. I can probably get by with what I have left, but then you start to worry about running out.
Which leads me to another aspect to fret over. One thing I definitely DO NOT miss about cigarettes. That constant worrying and keeping inventory. “Oh no, down to my last 6 smokes, gotta stop at the store and get more”. Not having to keep track of when I have to resupply is something I have always appreciated whenever I did not smoke. Plus that guilt you have because you are buying more cancer sticks, and that funny feeling I always had when I have to look the clerk in the eye and ask for my fix. No sir, do not miss it. And this is one pattern I do not want to follow with vaping. “Oh no, low on juice! What am I going to do? I can order now and it will still take time before it gets here!”
Actually that’s not the case, I can get it locally, just maybe not at the prices I prefer, but still, I think you get the drift of where I’m coming from. Of course this all leads back to my concerns over expenditures.
Well so much for my neurotic ranting. I know there was more I wanted to talk about for this entry, but I’m going to cut it off here. Don’t want to get too negative, though I may address those thoughts here soon. Main thing is keeping off the tobacco, just got to keep that in mind. And try to vape a little less.
Oh, and one other thing. I have noticed that some folks have actually been reading my blogs. Wow, never thought that would happen, I was mainly doing it to be able to air out my thoughts and feelings. Hey feel free to comment, good or bad. Am interested in your thoughts.
Well its Monday afternoon. Woke up and started vaping, not really out of physical need, mostly psychological. Still smoke free so far. Will update in a day or two with some thoughts/insights that have been rolling around in my head.
BTW, still smoke free. only had the urge twice last night at work, and they weren't cravings, just urges that were quelled easily. The desire was less intense that the night before. Feeling good about all this.
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