the hole has been dug, the underground lair has been made.
with shadows of regrets for rugs and upon the walls the eager loves wishes are laid.
mapping a future that no one can see, hiding a past no one can feel.
with the masters leash rendered useless, there is much to fear before the dawns new light.
a wild thought here, a maddening howl there.
All are screams that torture the soul, sending streaks of excited pain shooting into every crevice searching for the hurt of loves lost and memories of pain. shattering the anguish of a tormented past and the child's hell. drawings of pain give way to fields painted gold with the forth coming harvest of sorrow. bushels of grain with each kernel holding a single moment in time where fear and hatred turned the night into a maddening search for sanity. Fearful to love, to reach out, to ask for safe haven on the empty waves of a angry sea of hate. the winds blowing, howling as they whip past your ears whispering new tales of a demons desires. acting out and doing nothing
I took a trip last night through the madness of my own mind. I flipped my moods and crashed from a manic state to the depths of the hell that tends to occupy my dark corners at times. Fate and life dictated that I skip a dose of my medication to be able to get up the next morning to take care of some errands and serve the family wishes. I was only to glad to offer the help. But no good deed goes unpunished for as soon as that happened I had the offer to cook a brisket. A all night affair as it is slow cooked over a fire. With my medication this cannot happen I have to be awake and check the fire every so often. So this dictated skipping another dose so the story goes. Again I was in a manic state, as I lay down to get some sleep I felt the icy grip of the monsters decent. As I fell into madness I don't remember the first hour and a half but after that this is a account of that madness. Some is how I felt at the moment others are just random thoughts and things I found interesting at the moment, one is even the first line from a metallica song that I love. If you have to ask about some of it you probably wont understand the reply you will get as some of it i barley remember writing....enjoy
The rage swells like a river itching to break the damn begging to be set free. To unleash the fury on all and none. Waiting on the nightmare to begin.
As the dreams last embers burn to ash the demons scream the last rites of a fools desire.....
Now I lay me down to rest....if I die before I wake......I pray the demons let my soul rest....for a tormented hell surely waits.....
Welcome to where time stands still....no one leaves and no one will.......
Listen to the evil one the winds moan. He will comfort you when the light fades....no need to hear.....your feelings are his when you cant feel....
What starts the slide into madness. Why must one slip from reality's grasp without the angels grip.......
How do you explain the voiceless whispers of loves full rage.........as the heart stops and the feelings end. Nothingness envelops the soul to take revenge.
The feelings fade as the doors fly shut. The tears of light shaded by the empty shadow waiting for the chance to kiss the madness
When the reckless madness has the door slammed the demons grip is icy as the cold claws creep into the shadows and beckon to be stroked.....
When will it be my turn to stand in heavens light and kneel at the alter of forgiveness, to bask in the love of the angels touch and feel the loving embrace.
I sat and thought of you today....
I thought of the love we share and how just your touch can set my soul on fire.
Of how your hair smells and the way it shone in the sun as it framed your smile.
I sat and thought of you today....
today i thought of how your embrace can set the world right,
erasing the pains of the day.......
I sat and thought of you today....
I thought of how no matter how bad i feel my heart warms when you walk into the room.
of how you make me complete
I thought of how i can talk to you telling you my days troubles as the days pains melt.
I sat and thought of you today....
of my love for you and of my dedication to you..
I am your faithful companion and loyal servant your butler and protector....
and if you grant me the honer........someday...your husband.
The demon winds whispers are my friends.
the madness.... my own.
The lies....my own.
Its loneliness...my own.
The whispers of hate and rage and insanity......my own..........
Upon going to the doctor and finally taking my new medication I was having a hard time writing but really needing to. I was struggling to find my minds voice again. In my struggle I was having a hard time as my fingers have never been without my words. My writing has always come easy. I have been without my external voice when I would shut down to the external world. During this time I would live on autopilot living day to day in a fog, all the days blending into one another till I couldn't define myself or my place in life any longer. Struggling to see myself and find myself I would change the world as I knew it, changing jobs too many times for any bad or nonexistent reasons that my demons could justify. Lashing out at the ones that loved me even though i couldn't feel it. Causing pain to the very people who were trying to relieve mine. This next part is that struggle to define myself with the new challenge.................
Wait... who is this new demon?
Why cant i hear my friends....My demons...My Fears.
Why has my insanity retreated into the shadows of fear....Why am i only left with rage?
Did you ever have the demons trust? He wondered with reckless confusion. Did he reach out to nothingness when he thought the winds cried warmth but only screamed cold lies of betrayal..........
The fog lifts to reveal hell.
As the demons screams fills the air the beast stare into the abyss searching for the faint hint of a familiar trust searching for sanity, searching and reaching for honer and loyalty........
But only finding mistrust and betrayal and more hell.........the world he knows so well.
Do the winds offer you a friendship of trust and loyalty as they sharpen their claws on your rage with promises of betrayal.
I live my life of tormented hell forever running from the insanity and confusion of the demons whispers as they preach sermons of hate and rage, Pounding the pulpit to whispers of trust and love.
Fearful of loosing the faith, of loosing control, of the monster the words create and the Demon filled with hate.
Why?......Whispered the wind as the words lofted on the morning breeze.
Why cant you hear me?
Why cant my words reach home?
Why cant I feel you?
Where does my rage come from?
Why must the dogs of war bring forth that wich I have forsaken so long ago?
Have I finally earned my rightful place at the table of madness?
He rides with the wind, mind numb, breathing relaxed, the only feeling is the sound filtering through the solitude.
With every beat of the heart the beast grows calmer and with every mile more human.
He rides to be, he rides to breath, he rides to live, he rides to be alive.......he rides so he dont run.....
The demons sleep while the monster breathes.
The whispers are there.....in the shadows chanting, talking whispering words of pain, words of embrace, words of a new life.
Of loves lost, loves given to the wind and loves painfully sharp embrace.
Loves that cant have us and Loves we cant have.
The whispers mark time as the demons count the hours and the beast forgets the days..........
as the angels embrace marks the solstice of end days...
and the minions count the seconds........
The gears move the mood as the wheels move the soul.
The wind breathes the fibers that hold the dream as it becomes the roads desire when the heart beats with the miles embracing the elegance of the winds secrets.
Beholden to the demons desires.
The marionettes dance a health dance without regard to the dance floor or the monsters they have picked for judges, dancing free unaware of the virus of damnation they are set to unleash on the land as the puppet master drinks from the alter of satin......
It sat...waiting, calling, beckoning, pulling my lust into the realm of reality as the heart beat calling out to the Demons harnessing the beast of nature craving the ribbon of love riding the zipper of lust fire bellowing behind jumping, arching, leaping forward with the life blood of dreams free to outrun the monsters whispers...............
Do your words ring true........Is your heart true....Does your love fly true?
Do you share your whispers with the demons?
Do you seek that which you cannot have.
Do you seek to satisfy the shadows rage?
Is my love a games pawn?
Is my pain the bishop, strangled by direction?
Am I worthy of loves embrace..............Is this real.....
From here there is a new master controlling the marionettes strings pulling and pushing stealing memories and pushing back the flood as it hides the moment of clarity. My writing reflects this. The moment of clarity is the brief moment between moods. The moment when everything is clear when all your thoughts are in line and you know everything you need to know.....the moment your future is laid out like a rose covered path to the angels alter.......................enjoy......Morgan
The demons dance to the song of the ages chanting to the drums of a new master......
The wolfs mistrust is well suited for when the wind whispers truth of a old demon dancing and singing from a new book of beautiful lies....
The demons whisper a new word with blood dripping from the fangs of truth and honer as he licks his lips to moisten them as he forms the shape of a new whisper.......Betrayal
There comes a Demon who whispers to a new wind.
Whispers of deceit, hushed whispers of betrayal.
Screaming into the winds of regret with lost loves and missed romances fueling the Demons of mistrust.
Living under a cloud of disgrace the demon stays in the shadows of the lies of sanity, clinging to the fabric of time wishing for death in the moment of clarity............
The days light is torn apart by the rage and tormented into darkness by the fear of the last loves regrets as the demons sing a lonely tormenting song of anguish and hate.
The war dogs heel at the alter of mistrust as the demons sing the ballad of the betrayed..............
Why?...... Why do i find my voice robbed from me when the demon speaks......
The demons swipe at the fabric of lunacy, beating their chest's as they scream into the night moon when the child reaches out for insanity to ease the fears of reality.
Quiet the child's whimpering fears when the beast is near, Laughing at the worries of sanity as they feed on the demons fears, Feeding on sanity, Feeding on rage..............insanity is near
The Demon fears the end of madness as the fog of yesterdays beast settles in to disrupt the span of time. To rob the demon of the past, to hide the future and erase the present.....
........And so the Demon within fights the Monster without.
These are a collection of random thoughts and stuff I write when my moods flip and my bipolar kicks in. Some think they are personal, and some think they are about them, still some find themselves in the writing. Wanting peace and closure but only finding out they really do have monsters and they are showing their own collections of demons and fears. Still there is some that will believe that a post was written about them......and some are. Some are written as they happen, even as the conversation is still taking place. Most are written in quiet reflection as the days glimmers of the fading light is reflecting off the faded memories. The monsters are feelings and people, sometimes places, sometimes feelings......and sometimes a sin. The Demons are feelings and people, none are stagnant they change with the days light even as the moods of destiny are fading on the silver light of a fresh days light.
None of the writings are meant to offend or point out a certain individuals shortfalls other than my own. these are therapy for me they portray a moment frozen in time and other moments that i cant remember. I wrote them out for the glory of reading later, of learning latter, learning the lessons of pain and rage and the ability to maintain sanity of the moment even when rage and insanity are bashing at the back of the thought.
I hope you enjoy reading them and maybe they will help to teach you something about yourself. I hope to someday turn them into something more but for now they are just random thoughts of insanity and reflections of madness..............Morgan
Words suffer the consequence of inaction and actions pay the price of cheap words...............
The anger surrounds like with a warm touch as it whispers to your ear "Be still my child the moment of fear is upon us"
like a marionette in the night my anger and madness dance a wild dance, lashing out as they fight against peace and sanity...resting only for love as it fights normality....
freezing feelings shatter nerves as the demons scream permeates every fiber, flooding the chambers with rage by perverting reality and normality with confusion and madness.............
Dance the Demons moonlight dance of irrationality and confusion. Gliding in and out of reality as you trade one monster for another, living in a trance of confusion.......embracing rage
my madness write my monsters fear while my demons play in the shadows of hate evoking rage with a simple whisper...................
whispers talk in the wind as demons dance in the moonbeams reflecting off my sanity
The dogs attack the last fleeting shimmers of hope and tranquility, shattering the peace with their snarls as the fangs penetrate the flesh of dreams unfulfilled............
welcome to your nightmare the wind whispered as it closed the curtain of rage. The moment of fear is here, let loose the rabid dogs of failure and hide your shivers.
madness drags me into the hole of darkness. Flailing as I fall grasping for breath, for reality, for a warm touch, for comfort.........but only finding a spot at the alter of madness wishing for death but finding my own screams drowning out my voice.
The demons whisper amongst themselves...plotting, planning, scheming, licking their chops every time the breeze brings a new scent of fear.....only to be drown out by the fear of the hunter as he embraces his renewed rage welcoming it back......
The demons breath rises in a cloud of jealousy as the shadows flicker and dance in the eyes of the beast while he waits patiently for his prey to sleep..........
he waits huddled in the corner of the prison cell he used to call home hiding from the beast that stalks him meeting him at every turn matching him move for move, shared feelings of betrayal and deceit. His struggle is with the beast in the mirror.
The demon and beast sit in their corners lurking in the shadows waiting for the moment to wage battle for control, with heavy breath they lunge striking slashing and grasping at everything not knowing the outcome or what mood I will be in at the end..........
They alienate your fears, your desires, your trust, and feed your lust hoping to string it along watching as you dance a tormented dance. Pain driven and lust fueled you dance till your demons are quiet again, till the pain replaces the memory.
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Demons change they morph and become the way you ask and lay waiting for the chance to expose the true nature of your pain. Amnesia is a short term solution death is the only permanent answer, to face one is to see the reality of change.
Who have you become?
The wind whispered softly as it sent shivers through my soul.
Are you seeking that which you cannot have?
Do you seek the monster without?
It screamed a black tooth laugh as I fell to my knees covering my ears....What have I become?
...............Who am I?
It came with claws of silver slashing through the peace and tranquility of the sandy slumber, its teeth tearing dreams asunder fiber by fiber they shred till rage has taken a hold to rule supreme.
Why does the demon seek that which it cannot have?
Lusting after sanity with a feverish desire.
Mouth watering at the scent of peace, eye twitching at the dream of tranquility....
Until it is within reach, until it withdraws into the shadows to be forever lost.
Why does he seek that which he cannot have...
A new days sorrow flies on the burned out wings of a forbidden loves regrets.........
Your words dance to a hypocrite's ballad, as the demons play a lonesome tune on fiddles strung with the lies of hate.
The demons dance around the last remaining embers of sanity, chanting the in the demons trance of excited lust......Rage and Lust share the floor masked in the jokers lies told in the pale moonlight to the beggars child.
There is a devil crawling on your wall........chanting, whispering, scratching and screaming shattering the wall of trust and exploding the dreams built on the tears of fear.
Her lips move to the shape of a question as the demons rob me of my memories leaving me helpless to answer.............. leaving me only to drown in the pain of my own memories
I was a monster. Embracing Rage without reason
I was a Demon. Giving Into Rage Without Reason
I was a Teacher. Teaching my Lessons in Fear
I was a Preacher. Preaching sermons of Hate
I was a Prisoner. Trapped in my cell of loveless madness
I was a Student. Blind to how fear pushed you away
I am a Child. Eyes wide to the Tender Touch
I am a Teen. Angry, Lost and Alone
I am a Man. Full of Sorrow for the Pain I have Caused
I am the student...............
Separate names with a comma.