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Greetings and salutations! If you have chosen to read this blog then it should be noted hear and now: i am not looking for pity, i do not want some hand out of P.I.F. The point to this writing is to show my humility, that when it is all said and done.....yes i am human after all
I remember the day like it was yesterday....April 10th at 3am i had smokes my last cigarette. It was going to be hours before my wife arrived by plane to be with me, so i went through my small room and doused everything in freebreeze, then picked up my ego with smoktech tank, filled it with wild strawberry: 18mg and decided then and there for the sake of my wife who was allergic to cigarette smoke that i was going to hit that PV like mad if need be. That was the day i stopped being a dual user from my introduction to vaping on December 18th 2011.
In that time, i have seen myself own many things (and sold even more). I have gotten my hands on far to many mods to count while on the same token at some point and time i sold them. I have tried wild combinations of cartomizers, clearomizers, and atomizers and tanks. I have held my head high as i watched battery and gear failure's which got me way to close to having that cigarette, holding onto a mere thread to keep above water. Which in a sense is good i was able to do that as Something I have noticed in the vaping community as a whole is that once you start vaping you get the mind set you are invincible, that suddenly you look down on the ex-smokers, the current smokers and to some extent the non smokers. I guess it is due to the fact we get to show the world we are the strogest willed creatures in the universe.
This is where i guess i should shrug my shoulders and say that i am not in the same universe of everyone else. I am unclear if it is this time of year, or i just got to the point that my not carring has effected my subconsious, but the last few days i have been buying packages of cigarettes.
Yes you read that right. It is days after i turned vet here on ECF (Dec. 18th 2012) and I have put my ego batteries and other devices i have been using for a year and have been working great on the shelf. I look at them and the bottles of 30ml and 10ml bottles i have and think well it was a good go as i turn back to the endless packages of cigarettes.
If someone was to ask me why, i would not be able to answer you, which is the saddest part. Is it just like my french where seeing as i have chosen to not talk about it with anyone the appeal of using it has left, along with the appeal of keeping at it? Have i some how feel into a state of I just don't give a ? Could it be that i feel guiltier being a vaper then i do being a smoker? Again questions like this will just get me giving you a blank stare, a shrug and mumbled idunnowhyyouaskingme?
It happened out of the blue actually. I was headed out to buy myself some new shoes the other day, and without thinking about it, i reached over and slipped a very old package of cigarettes (which had five i put away when i stopped being a dual user) and headed out. While i was waiting at the bus stop i thought nothing of it as i lit a cigarette and smoked it. Which you have to admit is very odd as being eight straight months with no cigarettes to be this re-born smoker is not something you do 'by accident'. Yet i have. I mean don't me wrong, i have great juice flavors and great gear. I have tried to raise (and lower) my nic levels but flavors and how i feel went from I'm on top of the world to i am in the lowest level of haydes
I am sure i am not the first person to go through this, and i am sure i will not be the last, but there is one small difference this time before i can passed into the statistic of just someone who gave up I feel it is only fair to say that this blog is going to be the only time i speak about it. In the last few weeks i have pulled away from various forums as well as 'vape shows', only appearing at some odd random frequency and never to hang around long.
So there you have it, and i guess it does not make that much sense, but this is myself being humble to say that yes, for whatever the reason i tend to feel guilty as of late as a vaper and have decided (for now) to be a proud smoker.......Feel free to comment on this blog