I started vaping the first time about 2 years ago. Made the switch from analogs to vaping exclusively after a few weeks. My vaping lasted about 5 weeks and then I fell off the vaping wagon gradually, one cigarette at a time graduating to a pack at a time. Became a full time smoker again and was until last November when I decided for my health and well being to try to become a vaper again.
Been smoking since I was a teenager. 35+ years minus those few weeks. 1-2 PAD.
I have felt the decrease in my lung capacity to the point I was becoming short of breath at times without much exertion. I had a terrible cough and chronic bronchitis. Cough so hard at times I missed part of television shows and had to put my phone on mute while talking to people so they wouldn't hear how bad I was. And yes, I was embarrassed too. I sounded awful. Felt pretty awful too.
Finally, after a long tapering down period and withdrawal, even with vaping 24 mg, I succeeded in getting my first 24 hours, then 48, then a week and almost 10 days.
My lungs feel so much better even after this short time, my deep cough is gone and I am not breathless anymore. I can smell again. I smell better.
And I know the pitfalls. I started back to analogs one step at a time the last time. I am, I thought an intelligent person, I know I am an addict and thought I learned my lesson. I have been telling myself I can never have another cigarette. As the days progressed I also thought what a shame it would be to throw those analog free days away I fought with myself to gain.
I can't blame stress, the fact that I live with an analog smoker, that my boss is an analog smoker who, believe it or not, smokes inside the office, or anything else. It is my fight and only I can win it or defeat myself. Was so proud of myself for doing this again.
Then Sunday morning happened. And yes, it was not a good weekend. The analog smoker I live with is my adult daughter who is bi-polar and has the ensuing emotional problems that always circle her. She was not having a good weekend and seem to want to make sure I didn't have one either. But that is what my life is and I know smoking an analog will not improve the situation one iota.
Got up Sunday morning, and there they were, her analogs on the coffee table. And well, you probably have guessed what happened. I lit one and smoked most of it. Why after all this time and knowing what I know from my last fall from vaping grace did I do that?
I am so angry and ashamed of myself. On the positive side if there is one, I have not had another although to be honest, I have thought about it.
I was going to change my signature to reflect my fall but so far have decided to mentally take one off the total analogs avoided. Looking at my banner and the total avoided adding up was an inspiration to me the last ten days, but perhaps I should set it back to yesterday, at least I will have 24 hours again as of this post.
Will I never be completely free? How many times do I have to learn the same sorry lesson? Has this happened to anyone else?
If for nothing else, thanks for letting me vent.
Been smoking since I was a teenager. 35+ years minus those few weeks. 1-2 PAD.
I have felt the decrease in my lung capacity to the point I was becoming short of breath at times without much exertion. I had a terrible cough and chronic bronchitis. Cough so hard at times I missed part of television shows and had to put my phone on mute while talking to people so they wouldn't hear how bad I was. And yes, I was embarrassed too. I sounded awful. Felt pretty awful too.
Finally, after a long tapering down period and withdrawal, even with vaping 24 mg, I succeeded in getting my first 24 hours, then 48, then a week and almost 10 days.
My lungs feel so much better even after this short time, my deep cough is gone and I am not breathless anymore. I can smell again. I smell better.
And I know the pitfalls. I started back to analogs one step at a time the last time. I am, I thought an intelligent person, I know I am an addict and thought I learned my lesson. I have been telling myself I can never have another cigarette. As the days progressed I also thought what a shame it would be to throw those analog free days away I fought with myself to gain.
I can't blame stress, the fact that I live with an analog smoker, that my boss is an analog smoker who, believe it or not, smokes inside the office, or anything else. It is my fight and only I can win it or defeat myself. Was so proud of myself for doing this again.
Then Sunday morning happened. And yes, it was not a good weekend. The analog smoker I live with is my adult daughter who is bi-polar and has the ensuing emotional problems that always circle her. She was not having a good weekend and seem to want to make sure I didn't have one either. But that is what my life is and I know smoking an analog will not improve the situation one iota.
Got up Sunday morning, and there they were, her analogs on the coffee table. And well, you probably have guessed what happened. I lit one and smoked most of it. Why after all this time and knowing what I know from my last fall from vaping grace did I do that?
I am so angry and ashamed of myself. On the positive side if there is one, I have not had another although to be honest, I have thought about it.
I was going to change my signature to reflect my fall but so far have decided to mentally take one off the total analogs avoided. Looking at my banner and the total avoided adding up was an inspiration to me the last ten days, but perhaps I should set it back to yesterday, at least I will have 24 hours again as of this post.
Will I never be completely free? How many times do I have to learn the same sorry lesson? Has this happened to anyone else?
If for nothing else, thanks for letting me vent.
