Are YOU a Tootle Puffer??
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I put that one in here because in the 34 years I have known Lannie, we have never had this issue. But we are both communicators. Everything gets put on the table so nothing is ever left to fester. We have never (NEVER!) had an all-out fight/argument. We have discussions. We both make our points calmly and rationally and come to an agreement, even if that agreement is to disagree (which is extremely rare). If you have your way of doing the dishes and he has his way of doing the dishes, what does it matter so long as the end result is clean dishes? Go puff together and talk about it...
My husband is a clam -- it takes GREAT effort to open him up about anything! He's really good at the non-specific anger, the loud sighs of "I don't like this, but I'm not going to say anything, just sigh loudly and hope she can read my mind."
And in fact, in the nearly-29 yrs we've been a couple (we lived together for nearly a year before marriage), I *have* gotten pretty good at reading his mind. 
Enough to say, "ok, what are you mad about NOW?" Interesting that you mention dishes... when I'm ill, my husband is terrific about getting the dishes done for me, but if the dishwasher isn't run at that time, and I have to put more dishes in it later... I end up having to rearrange everything to suit my "dishwasher whisperer" parameters.
(I can get more dishes safely into a dishwasher than anyone else I know! 
) Mostly I don't say anything about it, because he *did* make the effort, and as someone else noted... it's really not worth arguing about. He doesn't puff anything anymore. But 29 yrs ago, I knew he was a keeper when I smoked in his truck and all he said was, "could you crack the window a little, I can't breathe."
My ex was one of those rabid smoker-haters; nevermind smoking in his presence, if I'd had a smoke in the last 3 hrs, he'd give me 10 yards of crap about it. It was great to have a partner who only complained when he was gasping for breath. Andria
We don't fight, either. He came with the ability to do his own laundry, cook for himself, and puts the toilet seat down. He doesn't drink to excess, doesn't gamble, and doesn't cheat. So far, he's 3/3 ahead of the ex. If I think about it, it's really 6/6. Yep, I think I'll keep him. Occasionally, he'll crack himself up by saying the reason we have a good marriage is because he's learned the 2 secrets.....work long hours so that we never see each other, and saying "yes, dear" while he bobs his head grinning.The minute you lose respect for your partner (husband, wife, business, dog, horse), the relationship is doomed. Once respect is gone, you will always look at him/her from the dark side.
I put that one in here because in the 34 years I have known Lannie, we have never had this issue. But we are both communicators. Everything gets put on the table so nothing is ever left to fester. We have never (NEVER!) had an all-out fight/argument. We have discussions. We both make our points calmly and rationally and come to an agreement, even if that agreement is to disagree (which is extremely rare). If you have your way of doing the dishes and he has his way of doing the dishes, what does it matter so long as the end result is clean dishes? Go puff together and talk about it...
Hogs & Quiches,
Fuzzy
Ex made me go outside, no matter what the weather was. He finally conceded to letting me smoke in house as long as my head was 1/2way up the fireplace chimney. When Jim and I started dating, we stopped at his place to pick up something and I went to step outside for a smoke...he just handed me an ashtray and told me I wasn't about to go stand in drizzle to smoke, that was crazy talk! I always put windows down in the vehicles, now he tells me not to even bother, he's starting to enjoy smelling some of my vapes......lol....NO WAY I could break in another one like him!!!!My husband is a clam -- it takes GREAT effort to open him up about anything! He's really good at the non-specific anger, the loud sighs of "I don't like this, but I'm not going to say anything, just sigh loudly and hope she can read my mind."
Interesting that you mention dishes... when I'm ill, my husband is terrific about getting the dishes done for me, but if the dishwasher isn't run at that time, and I have to put more dishes in it later... I end up having to rearrange everything to suit my "dishwasher whisperer" parameters.
He doesn't puff anything anymore. But 29 yrs ago, I knew he was a keeper when I smoked in his truck and all he said was, "could you crack the window a little, I can't breathe."
Andria
I started smoking outdoors when I saw how much school my son was missing thx to respiratory problems -- and it worked beautifully; the next year he had perfect attendance and straight-A's. And my husband liked it a lot better, too. So, even when our son grew up and left home, I still kept the smoking outdoors. The first winter here in our own home, I tried a couple times just going into the garage, when it was very cold AND windy -- but I discovered that the stink could be smelled in the kitchen, where I spend most of my time, from the door into the garage, so I knocked that off and just went to the front porch. Then came the winter of '13-'14... coldest winter in over 30 yrs, around here, and I simply could not tolerate it, so I started looking into e-cigs, thinking I could just use those, when it was too cold outdoors -- then discovered that not only did they work great for that, they could even allow me to quit smoking entirely -- a revelation, since I didn't think ANYTHING could do that.
Andria
Morning everyone. Man this thread goes fast!! I hope you realise the time difference. IN the five of so hours I spend sleeping when you all are up and chatting away I miss out on 6 to 7 pages of conversation and don't always have the time to read so far back. Someone should keep an index of topics discussed with post, or at least page, numbers.
yup! who's gonna do the recaps!?
WHEW!!!!!! Thank you to you, @Stosh! For a minute there, I thought I might be assigned a.........
S p r e a d S h e e t!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE my pool noodle in the cup holder! It was the best dollah ever spent!
And to all of us relationship fans...... here's a little quote from one of our own:
The best part about the bickering is
every now and then
we get the perfect marriage of arrogance and ignorance
and the giggles brighten up a dreary day.
Update: things have gone bad. Using pool noodles in conjunction with crazy straws mixed with duck tape... Not a good idea...
My husband is a clam -- it takes GREAT effort to open him up about anything! He's really good at the non-specific anger, the loud sighs of "I don't like this, but I'm not going to say anything, just sigh loudly and hope she can read my mind."
At least he sighs. My husband does not even do that. He never complains about anything, keeps it all inside, but I know that he is ruminating about whatever it is, making assumptions that just aren't there, creating theories in his head that are totally unfounded. I would much rather he just spoke out if anything was bothering him. I am totally the opposite - I say what I mean and I mean what I say. He holds back because he claims he doesn't want to hurt anyone... I'd rather know what's going on in his mind though. I would feel much more comfortable. I've given up trying to change that though - that is how he has always been and that is how he always will be.
Don't get me wrong - we've been together 40 years. We've had ups and downs like everyone else but for the most part it has been a good life. We have three wonderful children and now already 5 adorable grand children. We've always had strong financial security, never any worries about that and yet we are frugal and hardworking. At 69 he still works every day much more than is good for him and I keep the house going - even doing handyman jobs since he is the type who, if you hand him a brush he would take it by the hairs.
"Why isn't the TV remote control working?" or "Why is this red light blinking on the coffee machine" are standard, almost daily questions. Even if you've shown him how to fix it a million times those questions still mean, "Rose will you come and fix whatever is wrong." It used to ruffle me... these days I just laugh. That's one good thing about old age - you stop taking anything seriously.
At least he sighs. My husband does not even do that. He never complains about anything, keeps it all inside, but I know that he is ruminating about whatever it is, making assumptions that just aren't there, creating theories in his head that are totally unfounded. I would much rather he just spoke out if anything was bothering him. I am totally the opposite - I say what I mean and I mean what I say. He holds back because he claims he doesn't want to hurt anyone... I'd rather know what's going on in his mind though. I would feel much more comfortable. I've given up trying to change that though - that is how he has always been and that is how he always will be.
Don't get me wrong - we've been together 40 years. We've had ups and downs like everyone else but for the most part it has been a good life. We have three wonderful children and now already 5 adorable grand children. We've always had strong financial security, never any worries about that and yet we are frugal and hardworking. At 69 he still works every day much more than is good for him and I keep the house going - even doing handyman jobs since he is the type who, if you hand him a brush he would take it by the hairs.
Heh... I just mentioned to my husband last night that I thought the best gift of getting older is the gift of perspective -- of knowing what's really important and worth getting upset about, and the ability to laugh at all the rest, or just ignore it.
He's getting a little better at the "clam" thing; though we've always been fully committed to each other and "the marriage," we had some rough years when I was going thru the PTSD/depression/peri-menopause chapter, so we did therapy together, somewhat on solo issues for both of us, but also just on the marriage and whole family relationship -- I was taking medication for the depression, and he did too for a short spell, but one of the ugliest parts of those sorts of problems is how they affect the whole family, and we wanted to mend things before we lost what was, to both of us, the most important aspect of our lives: our marriage and family -- we had a 15 yr old son to finish raising, and we both knew that without the other, we'd both have a whole lot of nothing. That was 12 yrs ago, and we've been thru a whole lot more crap since then, with the economy and all, but we've stayed tight. As I told him quite recently -- we've handled the "better or worse" and also the "sickness and health"... and we've had a whole lot of "poorer"... by hell it's time for some RICHER!
Andria
Ahh someone else who does this. works great don't they?
Well, I was using one of those ashtrays that look like a cup, but I want something a little prettier. dollar tree did not have a purple noodle, so the hunt continues.......
I'm stuck with my hand..... My car doesn't even have a cup holder
Sent with one hand, the other is busy vaping.
Sent with one hand, the other is busy vaping.
My old 72 F100 does not either but the pool noodle thingy jams in the ashtray nicely.
My "new" 89 toyota pickup has a cup holder though and Air conditioning, power steering and automatic tranny. Heaven on wheels
89 Honda civic hatchback....5 speed, no a/c, no cup holders, but I've gotten up to 40 mpg in it
Sent with one hand, the other is busy vaping.
Sent with one hand, the other is busy vaping.
I get about 35 in my Toyota, it has automatic overdrive89 Honda civic hatchback....5 speed, no a/c, no cup holders, but I've gotten up to 40 mpg in it
Sent with one hand, the other is busy vaping.
and I am a very sedate driver.
got it for $800 a month or so ago.
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