Well well. I do believe that Coke and Pepsi are next. See they contain caffeine, caffeine is a dangerous drug and a stimulant, very near to nicotine. As such, from now on all soft drinks, that may or may not contain caffeine, that may or may not contain flavorings, that may or may not contain high fructose corn syrup, sugars, or other sweetening products, that may or may not contain water (naturally occurring, filtered, recycled, or otherwise, henceforth called 'fluids'), this includes any 'dry' packets that the consumer may blend with sweeteners or fluids, as well as their liquid 'drip' alternatives, shall from this date forward, be considered a tobacco like product.
Dearest Nanny may I have a cookie?
Heavens no child they are bad for you.
Oh please Dearest Nanny, may I have some oatmeal in the shape of a cookie?
Heavens no child, someone might see you and think you are eating a cookie.
Oh please dearest sweet Nanny, I promise to hide by the garbage in the alley and not be seen.
Child unfortunately eating fake cookies might lead to you wanting real cookies, so no.
---- time passes ------
Child come to your Nanny please.
Yes dear Nanny, what can I do for you?
Child after considering it for some time, and studying the issues at great length, while considering all of the potential pitfalls and spending great sums of money on private testing, as well as talking with industry executives and their advisers, I, that is We, have determined that you may indeed have an oatmeal cookie. Please understand that it may not look like a cookie, nor taste like one, and in point of fact, will not actually contain oatmeal, but some substance that the advisers have assured me will be okay and uniquely designed for fit and purpose, carefully controlled by a few select companies. Given all this effort and time, you will of course have top pay ten times as much for this 'Cookie' and I will have to get another 70+% on top of that, for, as previously mentioned the potential harmful effects, and you may only purchase them at stores that have properly paid me for a license and agreed to restrict availability, all you need to do is show them the Identification that I will provide to you for a fee. Okay?
Oh yes dearest Nanny. Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you for looking out for my welfare, monitoring my whereabouts and product usage, and of course for caring enough to collect additional funding for my future potential health care of this unknown product.
Oh Nanny may I please.......
Max