A Petition Draft for Local Government. Feedback?

[Ansah]

Hi All,

I've been asked to draft a petition for vapers' rights, but have never written a petition before. This is the draft:

In the interest of both public health and individual liberty, we would like to see the City Council and the County Board of Supervisors cease and desist from passing sweeping legislation restricting or banning the use of e-cigarettes. It is our belief that these measures— besides being heavy-handed and anti-democratic— are being fostered arbitrarily, prejudicially, and are without merit in terms of the scientific evidence demonstrated to date, as well as oblivious to the resulting negative social impact that inevitably follows from the capricious suppression of individual liberties.

We further believe that it is the purpose of local government in a democracy to enact policies for the purpose of maintaining infrastructures in service to the people. It is NOT the purpose of government to engineer the cultural life of its citizenry by attempting to initiate behavioral modification via mandate and coercion. Unless an unambiguously clear and compelling case can be made that electronic cigarettes constitute an irreparable social peril (a case that cannot be made), then it is fundamentally contrary to the principles of a free society to dictate what people may or may not do on this level. The mere fact that someone may dislike or disapprove of what someone else wishes to do is insufficient cause for legally proscribing the activity. Thank you.


Any feedback, modification suggestions or criticisms would be more than welcome. Thanks.

 

[Nate760]

I'd probably tone it down so it's a bit less wordy and emotional:

In the interest of public health and individual liberty, we hereby petition the City Council and the County Board of Supervisors to cease and desist from passing any restrictions against the sale or use of e-cigarettes and personal vaporizers. It is our belief that these measures— besides being heavy-handed and anti-democratic— are without scientific merit, and will be manifestly harmful to public health, as they will indirectly dissuade smokers from switching to an alternative that is 99% less harmful to their health and poses no risk to any bystanders.

We further believe it is the obligation of local government to maintain public infrastructure in service to the people. It is not the purpose of government to socially engineer the lives of its citizenry through attempts to initiate behavioral modification via executive or legislative fiat. Unless an unambiguously clear and compelling case can be made that electronic cigarettes pose a demonstrable danger to anyone (a case that cannot presently be made), it is antithetical to the principles of a free society to prohibit, for no good reason, law-abiding citizens from engaging in lawful behavior. The mere fact that someone dislikes or disapproves of an activity is not sufficient cause, in and of itself, for the activity to be legally curtailed. Thank you.

 

[AndriaD]

Hi All,

I've been asked to draft a petition for vapers' rights, but have never written a petition before. This is the draft:

In the interest of both public health and individual liberty, we would like to see the City Council and the County Board of Supervisors cease and desist from passing sweeping legislation restricting or banning the use of e-cigarettes. It is our belief that these measures— besides being heavy-handed and anti-democratic— are being fostered arbitrarily, prejudicially, and are without merit in terms of the scientific evidence demonstrated to date, as well as oblivious to the resulting negative social impact that inevitably follows from the capricious suppression of individual liberties.

We further believe that it is the purpose of local government in a democracy to enact policies for the purpose of maintaining infrastructures in service to the people. It is NOT the purpose of government to engineer the cultural life of its citizenry by attempting to initiate behavioral modification via mandate and coercion. Unless an unambiguously clear and compelling case can be made that electronic cigarettes constitute an irreparable social peril (a case that cannot be made), then it is fundamentally contrary to the principles of a free society to dictate what people may or may not do on this level. The mere fact that someone may dislike or disapprove of what someone else wishes to do is insufficient cause for legally proscribing the activity. Thank you.


Any feedback, modification suggestions or criticisms would be more than welcome. Thanks.

I think it's awesome. But good luck getting anyone in gov't to even understand it; I firmly believe that people go into gov't because they're too stupid to work at Mcdonald's.

Andria

 

[Ansah]

I'd probably tone it down so it's a bit less wordy and emotional:

I wholeheartedly like your modifications, and think you have definitely improved upon my original draft. Thanks much!

 

[Nate760]

I wholeheartedly like your modifications, and think you have definitely improved upon my original draft. Thanks much!

Don't mention it; happy to help.

 

[Bill Godshall]

The vast majority of petitions are ineffective (unless the petitioner generates a news story).

But if you're going to write a petition to oppose a proposed vaping ban, keep it short and simple.

For example, "We urge xxx City Council to reject the proposed vaping ban because vaping poses no risks to the public, because e-cigarettes have helped many people quit or reduce smoking, because vapers shouldn't be forced to breath tobacco smoke, and because employers and managers of public places can best determine their own vaping policies."

 

[csardaz]

Readability - like grade level/reading level for kids books. https://readability-score.com/

Some of these are just length of words and sentences, syllables per sentance. Others use a dictionary too to account for unusual words that aren't long.

Your original comes out at grade 17.5 You may want a level like 8 for people deciding whether to sign to zip through and quickly know what it means. We used level 10 for users manuals in a bank and I think some government agencies are aiming for a 5 for communications to the public.

 

[csardaz]

City Council and the County Board of Supervisors;

Stop restricting or banning the use of e-cigarettes. It's not warranted by the scientific evidence. Unjustified rules have negative social impacts and repress individual liberties.

It is the purpose of local government to maintain infrastructures for the people. It is NOT its purpose to engineer the cultural life of citizens by using behavioral modification via mandate and coercion.

A strong case cannot be made that e-cigarettes pose a social peril, so it is against the principles of a free society to dictate what people may or may not do. Disliking what others wish to do is not cause for banning the activity.

Thank you.



Thats reading grade level 10 - I couldn't get it lower without removing some words or phrases that I think are well-known but which the readability algorithms regard as dificult. I tried to stick to your message, but the second paragraph could probably go away entirely which would give a reading grade level of 9 .

 

[Ansah]

Readability - like grade level/reading level for kids books. https://readability-score.com/

Some of these are just length of words and sentences, syllables per sentance. Others use a dictionary too to account for unusual words that aren't long.

Your original comes out at grade 17.5 You may want a level like 8 for people deciding whether to sign to zip through and quickly know what it means. We used level 10 for users manuals in a bank and I think some government agencies are aiming for a 5 for communications to the public.

I believe in promoting literacy too. If someone can't read it easily and quickly, then Nate's modified petition provides an opportunity to learn how. Thanks for the suggestions.

 

[Ansah]

Don't mention it; happy to help.

Thanks for the response. I'm long past believing in the efficacy of appealing to good government or anything like that... It's more like a message in a bottle from a desert island. I decided to use Nate760's revision as is, and it's now being distributed in a few places around town.