According to a recent study by the I.I.R.- Institute if Incomplete Research, 7 out of 10 people.......
Best joke wins a ZMAX 510 battery mod!
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
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A lady tells to the nurse at the maternity hospital:
"I think I will call my little newborn Anna"
Doctor:
"Sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her Anna532 or Anna_153".......
"I think I will call my little newborn Anna"
Doctor:
"Sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her Anna532 or Anna_153".......
I have skills. I can wink both eyes at the same time, and can leave them like that for a long period of time!
A few days ago someone told me they preferred a Z-max over a Provari.
I laughed and laughed............................................
I laughed and laughed............................................
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint of beer ........
When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them.
The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.
The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and proceeds to drink his beer.
The Scotsman picks the fly out of his pint, and holds it over the drinking saying, "Come on you little git, spit it out!"
When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them.
The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.
The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and proceeds to drink his beer.
The Scotsman picks the fly out of his pint, and holds it over the drinking saying, "Come on you little git, spit it out!"
Police Officers don't find things funny like we do. They sent me a picture of me speeding, I sent them a picture of a check, they sent me a picture of handcuffs.
Did you hear that they found some bones on the moon? Guess the cow didn't quite make it.
I have CDO. It’s like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order, LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.
Old age is like a crime scene: things seem to be there now that weren't there before, what was there before isn't there now & I am sure things have been moved.
This blonde wanted to change her whole look so she dyed her hair brown, bought a new wardrobe and a shiny new sports car.
As she is driving in the country she sees a big flock of sheep grazing in a field. She stops and calls to the shepherd, "Mr Shepherd! What beautiful sheep!"
Shepherd says "Well thank you mam'"
Brunette says "Hey, I have a proposition for you. If I tell you the exact number of sheep you have, can I have one?"
Shepherd looks miffed, a proposition? but says "My sheep? OK" thinking yea, sure.
Brunette stands on the seat of her car and points to the sheep counting. One, two, twenty, thirty.... Finally she says "482"
Shepherd is stunned! That is the exact number of his flock. So he says to the woman, "Fair is fair, go pick out a sheep."
She walks through the flock and finally picks up a sheep and puts it in the back seat of her shiny new sports car.
Shepherd sighs and says "Mam, I have a proposition for you."
Brunette says "What is that?"
Shepherd says "If I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?"
As she is driving in the country she sees a big flock of sheep grazing in a field. She stops and calls to the shepherd, "Mr Shepherd! What beautiful sheep!"
Shepherd says "Well thank you mam'"
Brunette says "Hey, I have a proposition for you. If I tell you the exact number of sheep you have, can I have one?"
Shepherd looks miffed, a proposition? but says "My sheep? OK" thinking yea, sure.
Brunette stands on the seat of her car and points to the sheep counting. One, two, twenty, thirty.... Finally she says "482"
Shepherd is stunned! That is the exact number of his flock. So he says to the woman, "Fair is fair, go pick out a sheep."
She walks through the flock and finally picks up a sheep and puts it in the back seat of her shiny new sports car.
Shepherd sighs and says "Mam, I have a proposition for you."
Brunette says "What is that?"
Shepherd says "If I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?"
REVENGE
A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of 'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?'
Of course the Madam said 'No'. The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want.'
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'
He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.
When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the bugger who ran over my FROG!'
A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of 'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?'
Of course the Madam said 'No'. The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want.'
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'
He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.
When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the bugger who ran over my FROG!'
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