Notice to anyone after I'm asleep. If you need me, please feel free to invade my dreams, but be sure to bring money, a puppy, a TV with remote and snacks!!
Best joke wins a ZMAX 510 battery mod!
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The Reason Im Tired:
For a couple of years Ive been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: Im tired because Im overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me. And youre sitting at your computer reading jokes!
For a couple of years Ive been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: Im tired because Im overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me. And youre sitting at your computer reading jokes!
I like to say that I was born in 1949 B.C. People ask what's the B.C. all about, I tell them Before Computers.
Two retired businessmen were lounging on the bleach.
The first one was talking and said "A multimillion dollar fire allowed me to retire."
The second nodded and replied "A multimillion dollar flood allowed me to retire."
The first man looked to the other with arched eyebrows and inquired "just how the hell do you start a flood?"
The first one was talking and said "A multimillion dollar fire allowed me to retire."
The second nodded and replied "A multimillion dollar flood allowed me to retire."
The first man looked to the other with arched eyebrows and inquired "just how the hell do you start a flood?"
When I win the Lottery, the first thing I'm gonna do is get a pot to pee in.....I've always wanted one of those.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
oops!
oops!
I'm due in court next week. Apparently they have enough evidence against me to prove that it was in fact me who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
There's 2 things in the tool box of life that we should have: WD-40 for things not moving that should and duct tape for things that are moving that shouldn't.
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it!
I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You're smiling.
Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact 9: You're smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment.
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You're smiling.
Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact 9: You're smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment.
A little advice for those who have to head off to work tomorrow!
"Never confused 'coworkers' with 'friends.' If you were in a plane crashed in the mountains, your coworkers would eat you."
Friends would wait a bit.
"Never confused 'coworkers' with 'friends.' If you were in a plane crashed in the mountains, your coworkers would eat you."
Friends would wait a bit.
10 interesting facts:
1) you cant say "s" without using your tongue
2) just tried it
3) your grinning
4) you just checked to see if i forgot a number
5) your smiling
7) you didnt notice that I forgot 6)
8) so you check it
9) you think this is a weird "joke"
10) you give it a good rating anyway
1) you cant say "s" without using your tongue
2) just tried it
3) your grinning
4) you just checked to see if i forgot a number
5) your smiling
7) you didnt notice that I forgot 6)
8) so you check it
9) you think this is a weird "joke"
10) you give it a good rating anyway
Interesting Tidbit: Female spiders eat the male spiders after mating. Guess they know collecting life insurance is a lot easier than collecting child support.
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