I'm a
SELF TAUGHT & RAISED ARTIST
I don't know how anyone survives childhood? We all do one way or a tuther. If I were able to, in a few words sum up my insane chaotic childhood, I would. I was raised in the 1950's, 60's, by parents that were
very young, (forced to marry, [get this, by my Grandfather, her Dad, she was forced to abort the ilegitimate pregnancy but marry him that made her dirty, anyways, and in wed-lock I was their first born in July 1953.] she was 17, he was 19) relatively speaking parents... I think the era(s) make for some cultural societal differences at the same time the basic parent/child, parent/teenager relationships that have always existed, (human beings have longer maturation processes than other mammals) still does. My parents were people with problems and it became clear to me at a very young age (5 or 6) that I was not entitled to even have them as parents. In other words I had to grow up
appreciating having either of them around because 75 - 90 %, neither were around, when their personal lives weren't upside down, which resulted in both of them, (divorced) taking turns at being absentee parents and a thrown around to whomever could be the caregiver, when it was neither of them, Uncles, Aunts, Grandparents, Foster Home (the foster home was short-lived, TG).... It's very odd, as lousy as the situations were in my childhood, I still had my parents on pedastals in spite of their glaring imperfections, I loved them. They both smoked, heavily. I remember being very independent from about 7 years old and on. Meaning (very lonely), I have a sister almost 2 yrs., younger, but we were separated off and on and I don't to this day relate well with her. I had the feeling that I'd be lucky if any relatives cared enough to raise me. I had a Grandmother my Father's Mother, who really did care for me and provided me with a lot of comfort, but it only lasted one year from 8-9. In that short time she taught me how to cook, clean, sew, crochet, embroidery, by TV we did yoga and we watched Shirley Temple (who was my hero....? Shirley Temple) movies together, as I look back my Grandma was my childhood hero, too. I loved that Grandma so much, she may have saved my emotional life, thanks to her strength mixed with humor and fun. I could tell you more but my Tween years were a nightmare and that's when I began smoking. I already thought as I said, that having parents was not an entitlement and so my concept was a warped re-action or the reality I was dealt. Different than most other kids I knew I was (not just a feeling), which of course the grass is always greener, I thought then that I missed out on a lot of what other kids had.
Fast forward and condence it, the so called childhood, how I ever got through my teenage years??? When I did live with either of my parents, they knew I smoked and seemed to have resigned themselves to that fact. I smoked at home (when there was a home). Smoking got me in trouble with school. I was caught smoking on lunch hour. (LOL) Standing across the street in plain view from the Junior High School, in Santa Monica, CA at 13, in 1967. (In those days, adults made you know when you were in trouble, and trouble you were
IN TROUBLE), I ran away as soon as the Principal left the office I ran and ran and ran away, to Venice Beach where my hippie friends all smoked [other substances], did all kinds of ... and mystically magically hung out. I ran from where I had been living, rather than deal with discipline (.i.e. Synanon attack therapy groups called, "the game"), after that the next day, busted in a sting operation the drug dealing hippie people I stayed the night with were wanted by the FBI. So I was caught (my little runaway....), not in so much trouble with my Father, was I (though I worried him sick) but instead, from this crazy place he had us all ... my Sister, he and I moved into... called Synanon a cult like drug and alcohol re-habilitation community (only in California in the 60's would any children's lives be so nuts it ain't done like that here in Michigan, for the most part). When the Principal said that he was calling them, Synanon....(yikes) that I was being suspended..... (both my Mom or Dad as well Synanon LET ME SMOKE at first, and then they changed their mind on that, they said I couldn't) so, I was sneaking my cigs and I was for all intents and purposes 100% addicted to smoking and experimenting with drugs and alcohol if it was available to me. In my mind there were no adults to answer to and I was all growd up. I was a very angry 13 year old that had it in mind, to hell with adults, no repect for anyone accept that Grandma, who I rarely saw in those years, I was hell bent on smoking anyway I could so I practically smoked a pack a day by then, school was getting in the way of smoking, LOL. So I dropped out a 15 and got a full-time job as a Pharmacist's Assistant, in a small family owned pharmacy in West Hollywood. I will stop here about the insanity of my family and my growing up.... it's very colorful with many twists and turns.
Thank the heavens or hells or fates that I didn't have children until I was old enough. I had my first son at in 1979 at 26, my second in 1989 at 35. Both have the same Father. My reaction to my disturbed and turmultuous childhood was to orchestrate and create for myself as best I could with a partner the exact opposite. I wanted Ozzie and Harriet. I wanted Donna Reed. In 1978 we moved in together, in 1981 I married him. We stayed married until 2000. Now I'm living with him again.
Neither of my Sons SMOKE! They never seemed to want to.
They loved my cooking and I was mostly a stay-at-home MOM (Mom-the-Bomb) just a joke my oldest called me... I look back now and cherish the years of parenting, the stability they had I do cherish that I could be there for them, not perfectly but compared to what I had, it was incredible. I did even attempt quitting smoking. After 9 years of infertility my second pregnancy happened during that quitted smoking period. (?) (he quit drinking tejuila for breakfast with beer chasers all day, also...hm?)
I have two grown Sons and neither of them ever wanted to smoke (even though some of their school buds did), they went to public schools, they heard it was bad and they just didn't want to???... both are strong hard working, thriving men taking care of themselves, they like to drink but they seem, very well. I don't meddle in their lives. I can barely manage my own life.
So, when I read this thread and the shares, I had to take a trip down memory lane as to the hows and whys I smoked, how I managed it and didn't manage it. (I ended up in Juvie, over that runaway I did at 13 for a few days, My Dad's Brother, my wonderful Uncle Manny rescued me and let me live with him and his 2nd wife Ginny) He taught me to drive and was more like Father in 6 months than the one I had in 18 years, (though I loved my Dad so much and still miss him since he passed in 1997 of lung cancer asbestos caused and smoking (poss.) related, being he had quit for 15 years before the cancer. He was only 65 when he passed) He had a great sense of humor, I take after him, he was an artist a performer, actor, musician/ Electrician (union) that's why he had Asbestos Lung Cancer).
In this crazy life nothing stays the same. Adults and parenting back then, a whole different animal. The day and age, free love, sex, drugs and
Love beads, incense and peppermint... Give Peace a chance, all we are saying... what Charles Manson did what... Oh now they shot the President's Brother too? They killed Martin Luther King???? Oh no, how many have died in Viet Nam, oh inflation... Oh what a life! Oh, your not allowed to spank you kids, these days?
Some kids will do what they want to do A LOT OF KIDS DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO, from good backgrounds, bad backgrounds and crazy mixed up backgrounds....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE SHOULD NOT HAVE A 99% SAFER ALTERNATIVE TO SMOKING BE AVAILABLE, AFFORDABLE AND ACCESSIBLE! Anyone whose kid is vaping GOOD LUCK! If I were you I would send them to a foster home, if they don't knock it off. Make sure they go to juvenile hall. Then meet them for coffee and in some remote place not a public park SINCE THAT'S BECOMING ILLEGAL, but somewhere and vape together, it will be a lasting bond you'll cherish later in life.
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