A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypen!$," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
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Night Aggie, sweet dreams darlin'Goodnites eberybodys frum my deli sammich beds
behabe and be happys
Woo Hoo!!!!
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REMINDER !!!
Attention Poopies !!!
Let's have a little fun
Post your funny jokes......Tomorrow evening, 6:00 PM EST.... we'll pick the best joke and award $50 gift certificate to the lucky winner
Attention Poopies !!!
Let's have a little fun
Post your funny jokes......Tomorrow evening, 6:00 PM EST.... we'll pick the best joke and award $50 gift certificate to the lucky winner
I remembered and commented on that Great weekend by Lil'bit
I'm sorry for putting it on here again.
Goodnight Aggie, goodnight Bill!
No apologies need for being a proud Mama...
Awww
thanksProud mama is going to miss her next meet
but she will be with her coach the whole three day meet, so she's in good hands. (Still hate not being there)Night night everyone, kid just woke up sick
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Awww
Proud mama is going to miss her next meet
Night night everyone, kid just woke up sick
Didn't like sick kid part
Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town…
and put up a sign reading: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.”
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to “Catatonics and High Colonics.” No go.
Next, they tried “Manic Depressives and .... Retentives.” Thumbs down again.
Then came “Minds and Behinds.” Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in “Lost Souls and .... Holes.”
Unacceptable again! So they tried “Analysis and .... Cysts.” Not a chance.
“Nuts and Butts?” No way. “Freaks and Cheeks?” Still no go.
“Loons and Moons?” Forget it.
Almost at their wit’s end, the doctors finally came up with: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
Everyone loved it
and put up a sign reading: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.”
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to “Catatonics and High Colonics.” No go.
Next, they tried “Manic Depressives and .... Retentives.” Thumbs down again.
Then came “Minds and Behinds.” Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in “Lost Souls and .... Holes.”
Unacceptable again! So they tried “Analysis and .... Cysts.” Not a chance.
“Nuts and Butts?” No way. “Freaks and Cheeks?” Still no go.
“Loons and Moons?” Forget it.
Almost at their wit’s end, the doctors finally came up with: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
Everyone loved it
A Quiz.
How Old Are You?
1. Name the Beatles.
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
2. Finish the line: "Lions and Tigers and Bears, ______ _____!"
3. "Hey kids, what time is it?" _____ ______ _____ _____.
4. What do M&M's do? ___ ___ ___ ___, ____ ____ ____ ____
5. What helps build strong bodies 12 ways?______ _______.
6. Long before he was Mohammed Ali, we knew him as _______ ______.
7. You'll wonder where the yellow went, ____ ____ ____ ____ _____ _____ _____."
8. Post-baby boomers know Bob Denver as the Skipper's "little buddy." But we know that Bob Denver is actually Dobie's closest friend, ______ _. _______.
9. M-I-C: See ya' real soon; K-E-Y: _____ ____ _____ _____ _____!
10. "Brylcream: ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ _____."
11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone _____ _____.
12. From the early days of our music, real rock 'n roll, finish this line:
"I wonder, wonder, wonder...wonder who; ____ ______ _____ _____ _____ ____?"
13. And while we're remembering rock n' roll, try this one:
"War...uh-huh, huh...yea; what is it good for? , ____ _____."
14. Meanwhile, back home in Metropolis, Superman fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and _____ ____ _____.
15. He came out of the University of Alabama, and became one of the best quarterbacks in the history of the NFL. He later went on to appear in a television commercial wearing women's stockings. He is Broadway _____ _______.
16. "I'm Popeye the sailor man; I'm Popeye the sailor man. I'm strong to the finish, ____ _____ ____ ____ ______. I'm Popeye the sailor man."
17. Your children probably recall that Peter Pan was played by Robin Williams in Hook, but we will always remember when Peter was played by ______ _______.
18. In a movie from the late sixties, Paul Newmanplayed Luke, a ne'er do well who was sent to a prison camp for cutting off the heads of parking meters with a pipe cutter. When he was captured after an unsuccessful attempt to escape, the camp commander (played by Strother Martin) used this experience as a lesson for the other prisoners, and explained, "What we have here, ____ ____ ____ ____."
19. In 1962, a dejected politician chastised the press after losing a race for governor while announcing his retirement from politics. "Just think, you won't have ____ ____ to kick around anymore."
20. "Every morning, at the mine, you could see him arrive; He stood six foot, six, weighed 245. Kinda' broad at the shoulder, and narrow at the hip. And everybody knew you didn't give no lip, _____ _____ , _____ _____ _____."
21. "I found my thrill, _____ _____ _____."
22. Jimmy Durante said, "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, _____ _____ _____."
23. "Good night, David." "_____ ______,______."
24. "Liar, liar, ____ ____ _____."
25. "When it's least expected, you're elected. You're the star today. _______! _____ ______ ______ ______."
26. It was Pogo, the comic strip character, who said, "We have met the enemy, and ____ ___ ____."
ANSWERS... Soon
How Old Are You?
1. Name the Beatles.
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
2. Finish the line: "Lions and Tigers and Bears, ______ _____!"
3. "Hey kids, what time is it?" _____ ______ _____ _____.
4. What do M&M's do? ___ ___ ___ ___, ____ ____ ____ ____
5. What helps build strong bodies 12 ways?______ _______.
6. Long before he was Mohammed Ali, we knew him as _______ ______.
7. You'll wonder where the yellow went, ____ ____ ____ ____ _____ _____ _____."
8. Post-baby boomers know Bob Denver as the Skipper's "little buddy." But we know that Bob Denver is actually Dobie's closest friend, ______ _. _______.
9. M-I-C: See ya' real soon; K-E-Y: _____ ____ _____ _____ _____!
10. "Brylcream: ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ _____."
11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone _____ _____.
12. From the early days of our music, real rock 'n roll, finish this line:
"I wonder, wonder, wonder...wonder who; ____ ______ _____ _____ _____ ____?"
13. And while we're remembering rock n' roll, try this one:
"War...uh-huh, huh...yea; what is it good for? , ____ _____."
14. Meanwhile, back home in Metropolis, Superman fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and _____ ____ _____.
15. He came out of the University of Alabama, and became one of the best quarterbacks in the history of the NFL. He later went on to appear in a television commercial wearing women's stockings. He is Broadway _____ _______.
16. "I'm Popeye the sailor man; I'm Popeye the sailor man. I'm strong to the finish, ____ _____ ____ ____ ______. I'm Popeye the sailor man."
17. Your children probably recall that Peter Pan was played by Robin Williams in Hook, but we will always remember when Peter was played by ______ _______.
18. In a movie from the late sixties, Paul Newmanplayed Luke, a ne'er do well who was sent to a prison camp for cutting off the heads of parking meters with a pipe cutter. When he was captured after an unsuccessful attempt to escape, the camp commander (played by Strother Martin) used this experience as a lesson for the other prisoners, and explained, "What we have here, ____ ____ ____ ____."
19. In 1962, a dejected politician chastised the press after losing a race for governor while announcing his retirement from politics. "Just think, you won't have ____ ____ to kick around anymore."
20. "Every morning, at the mine, you could see him arrive; He stood six foot, six, weighed 245. Kinda' broad at the shoulder, and narrow at the hip. And everybody knew you didn't give no lip, _____ _____ , _____ _____ _____."
21. "I found my thrill, _____ _____ _____."
22. Jimmy Durante said, "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, _____ _____ _____."
23. "Good night, David." "_____ ______,______."
24. "Liar, liar, ____ ____ _____."
25. "When it's least expected, you're elected. You're the star today. _______! _____ ______ ______ ______."
26. It was Pogo, the comic strip character, who said, "We have met the enemy, and ____ ___ ____."
ANSWERS... Soon
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Little Johnny was excited to go to school. After just one day of school, he had the mental capacity of a 7 year old. His teacher decided to talk with the principal to move him up a grade. She brought him into the office and before the principal could say a word she said, "Johnny, 11+11?" "22" he said. "What do you have near your legs that I don't have?" she asked. "Pockets," he said. "What begins with a C, ends in a T, is hairy, and has white liquid inside?" she asked. "A coconut" he said. "So, can he move to second grade?" she asked the principal. Then the principal says, "Heck no, move him to college, I only got one right."
Billy Bob says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.
The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again."
Lester says, "So what you gonna do different this year?"
Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."
The last few years, I took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii, and Marie got pregnant. Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again."
Lester says, "So what you gonna do different this year?"
Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."
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