Greetings to Our Newest Members!

Discussion in 'ProVari' started by The Ocelot, Dec 9, 2013.

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  1. The Ocelot

    The Ocelot Mystagogue φ Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Location:
    The Clock Barrens, Fillory
    [​IMG]

    With so many joining us, this thread is offered as a place of welcome
    and so you may all post of the joy that has entered your life.

    Although we hope you are familiar with the Ritual of Arrival, here is the most recent update.

    Sacred Text of Manual

    The Ritual of Arrival

    Chapter One
    Verse one

    All Hail Novitiate! By ordering you have made a life changing commitment.

    Be comforted in the knowledge that soon all doubts of your decision shall be alleviated and your spirit overcome with joy! All of your questions will be answered, all of your hopes realized, and as you have dreamed...

    You will GET IT!

    [​IMG]


    Verse two

    Be aware!

    No matter when your mail is usually delivered, and probably has been delivered for years, the carrier with your ProVari will come at a different hour. This suckth big time, since one must sign for the package.

    Verse three

    You may wish to start your vigil immediately. Now is the time of fasting and waiting. You shall not sleep; you shall not eat, as it might maketh you sleepy; you must at all times have a clear view of the Mail of Vape receptacle, least the postal carriage slip by unnoticed. Chasing said carriage and screaming unintelligibly in pseudo-EngLatin is acceptable. Weeping is allowed, but only after the Sacred ProVari is in your hands and the tears are of gratitude. Bursting into tears because the tracking number hasn't updated in 3 hours is considered impudent.

    This is also the time to charge batteries.

    1-Connecting_zps871e803b.gif

    Verse four

    Be advised

    The Holiest of Holies does not come in a fancy box, it is simply swaddled in bubble wrap. It is the way of the ProVarinati to be reminded of our humble beginnings and not to take for granted the amazing gift that is bestowed upon the worthy.

    Verse five

    You shall find our Blessed One to be smaller than you imagined and yet miraculously heavier. You shall be filled with awe that such power could be contained in a simple casing. And the threading, as attested to, is truly like buttah.

    [​IMG]


    Verse six

    You must place the Sacred ProVari on an altar and gently pass a silver* thurible filled with myrrh over it for 7 consecutive nights just past sunset. Then, and only then, you may kneel before a candle and read your Rewards Loyalty Program card (yes, we are rewarded for our loyalty!) upside down and the Secret Name of-which-we-do-not-speak shall be revealed.


    The complete text is available here: The Sacred Text of Manual

    [​IMG]

    The ProVarinati Awaits You


    *If you don't have silver, aluminum is allowed. The ProVari is forgiving, but you may wish to check eBay, since there are often thuribles available with free shipping.

    [​IMG]
     
  2. The Ocelot

    The Ocelot Mystagogue φ Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Location:
    The Clock Barrens, Fillory
  3. LoganCrane

    LoganCrane Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2013
    Location:
    TEXAS BY GAWD
    Wow...is all I have to say princess...wow
     
  4. The Ocelot

    The Ocelot Mystagogue φ Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Location:
    The Clock Barrens, Fillory
    The brave and courageous Praetor is the scribe of many reverent texts.

    He saith unto us:

    Ahem...

    It is the Psalm ProVarinati

    [​IMG]


    Another is his very important instruction on the care and maintenance of our Blessed One: The Ritual of Cleansing and Anointing
     
  5. The Ocelot

    The Ocelot Mystagogue φ Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Location:
    The Clock Barrens, Fillory
    Since there is a good chance many of you will already have a ProVari in your hands before I wake up, I want to take this opportunity to greet all of you.

    [​IMG]
    .
    .



    [​IMG].....[​IMG]
     
  6. Splatnext

    Splatnext Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2013
    Location:
    near the beach
    OMgosh I made it on to the poster :D
     
  7. PLANofMAN

    PLANofMAN Signature Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2012
    Location:
    Woodburn, OR
    Greetings and welcome to the cult. Have some bacon.
    [​IMG]
    Edit: Didn't realize we we having pictures taken. So just this once, I'll take it off.
    [​IMG]
     
  8. The Ocelot

    The Ocelot Mystagogue φ Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Location:
    The Clock Barrens, Fillory
    I beat you! I meant to post a different updated image. You have to really zoom in though.
     
  9. baghandler

    baghandler Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2013
    Location:
    Chicago
    Is that...Ozwald's shoe? :laugh:
     
  10. Ozwald

    Ozwald Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2013
    Location:
    Montana
    A Teva is not a shoe. It's a lifestyle. :glare:

    & aww, I didn't even see it. I feel.. so.. *sniff* special. :D

    Edit: The part that I find absolutely hilarious about all the Teva jokes is the fact that I've never even owned a pair of Teva's in my life. :laugh: The heeled Teva's are priceless though.
     
  11. meagain

    meagain Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2013
    Location:
    Midwest
    Thank you! My 2 new babies arrive at any time now :D
     
  12. Kuma79

    Kuma79 Super Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2013
    Location:
    United States
    Leave your old life behind, you now walk the path of enlightenment
     
  13. Glenn_K

    Glenn_K Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2013
    Location:
    Toronto
    This is one of the most entertaining things I've read on ECF, and if a Provari can inspire this sort of prose, that's one more reason to cough up the $214 that one of these APVs will cost me in Canada.

    I've been using a mech mod lately (my first), switching between a Davide (when i'm out) and a Kayfun clone (at home) using coils of around 1.5 to 2.0 ohms -- this whole micro sub ohm nano coil thing is not for me, I think. But I've never really felt comfortable walking around with a mech mod, and I'm about ready to drop-kick my shoddy Vamo out the back door.

    A Provari would make a really nice Christmas gift for myself. But i'm fresh out of myrrh, if I do go through with this, will frankincense work?

    Regards
    Glenn
     
  14. glassgal

    glassgal Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2013
    Location:
    Central Florida
    Aww:(... I'm not on the poster:(.... *cries*

    I wanna be on the poster too....
     
  15. Kuma79

    Kuma79 Super Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2013
    Location:
    United States
    Its ok, I didnt either. But just because you didnt make it, doesnt mean you are not one of the elite vapers in the world, Provarinati.
     
  16. kas122461

    kas122461 Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2013
    Location:
    Indiana, USA
    Even bad is not in there either, :blink:
    Not to mention myself. :(
     
  17. Ozwald

    Ozwald Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2013
    Location:
    Montana
    You cannot ask to be a part of the poster, you must wait patiently as you did waiting for your Provari, in silent anticipation. In time, all shall be revealed.
     
  18. eda123

    eda123 Super Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2013
    Location:
    Austin
    Loyalty rewards? Deets.
     
  19. kas122461

    kas122461 Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2013
    Location:
    Indiana, USA
    I don't deserve to be there, but bad?
     
  20. Ozwald

    Ozwald Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2013
    Location:
    Montana
    Thou shalt not question The Princess.

    No seriously, she has claws & an unpredictable demeanor sense of humor. It's just not safe.
     
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