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How I finally ended a life long battle with smoking.

Discussion in 'Vaping Success Stories' started by glowgirl, May 8, 2010.

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  1. glowgirl

    glowgirl Super Member ECF Veteran

    Apr 26, 2010
    A, A
    How I finally ended a life long battle with smoking.

    My mother smoked while she was pregnant with me and my sister. I used to light her cigarettes while she was driving. One time I handed her a lit Benson & Hedges backwards nearly causing a huge freeway accident. She managed to not hit the car in front of her but had a huge burn on her lip, it didn’t stop her from grabbing the cig, which had flown out of her hand during the burn/swerving wildly, and start puffing rapidly to get the cherry back up to a glow, a look of calm passing over her face as she blew out the first inhale.

    Growing up in band life, in my life, we lived in a cloud of smoke. I emptied bottles and cans stuffed with butts, I did my school work engulfed in a haze of fluffy smoke and I knew how to blow rings by the time I was ten. I would walk to the corner store with a note that said “please let my daughter buy cigarettes for me” and they would. I didn’t have to steal cigarettes from anyone as a child, they were everywhere, I only had to pick them up. I bought my own personal pack at 13 years of age from a doughnut shop vending machine half a block from my house. Newports, because I didn’t want to be like my mother (funny I know).

    Most kids have to work a little bit at getting hooked on cigarettes. Your first smokes hurt the chest and make you want to throw up. I had one initial punch to my chest with my first Newport and then nothing. It was like breathing the free air to me. Newports are the worst of the worst of worst for those who don’t know. They take the shake of other brands and treat it with thousands of more chemicals and menthol the .... out of them so all you feel is BIG ole nic hit and a cool frost that immediately numbs the path of carnage you just blew through your trachea. Newports are to smoking what crack is to coke or Madonna was to pop…..cheaper, harsher and more addicting is a horrible way.

    The first time I tried to quit smoking I was only 14. I vividly remember getting through two days, spaced and jittery, and then finding a pack my mother left on the couch. I remember telling myself “don’t smoke one, if you do you will never quit” and then watching my hand slowly take one out, light it up………. And so began a long and bitter battle that would last until I was 42.

    At 15, I was in Montana super happy because Newports sold for half price in most QuickStops (they were not a popular brand with country folk) I was buying (with my fake ID) as much as I could hold in my van as I headed west. Once I drove my van halfway off a cliff, staring down at a 75 foot drop I scuttled out the back doors onto the road and then realized in horror I had left my smokes in the front seat. I slowly and carefully crawled back into the van to retrieve them because I didn’t think I could get through the trauma of it all without them. Yes I did that, and it’s not the worst thing I have done for my addiction.

    I secretly smoked during both of my pregnancies. I cry just typing that but I did it, its true. I tried to quit and I know everyone reading this will shudder in disgust but I have to be honest. I could not quit and I smoked while carrying my babies. Thank god, not me, that they are both healthy and perfect. Everyone should be so lucky. During my first pregnancy, after a week of not smoking I was spacey and couldn’t focus. I rear ended a car in front of me and a forgotten pack of smokes flew out from under my car seat. I grabbed them and lit up faster then you could say “pathetic much?”. My point is that I would die for my children, I would be happy to die for either of them, but I couldn’t not smoke for them. *break for crying in shame……excuse me*

    I helped my best friend take care of her father while he slowly died from emphysema. He smoke two packs of Camel non-filtered up to the very end and we smoked with him. At first we tried to get him to quit, but he flat out refused. As the steroids took their toll on his body his bones got weaker and weaker and he had fractures constantly. He was a sweet man and vaping could have saved the quality, if not the quantity of his years with us. Don I wish I knew then what I know now. Dawn, his daughter, still smokes to this day. Death doesn’t stop addiction, love doesn’t break it. I have watched herion addicts kick with less pain then smokers and more success. If you think quitting is just a matter of will power then your mistaken. It’s not.

    I was hypnotized once, it didn’t help. I have tried patches 13 times. I had a needle in my ear for a week. I have used gum, lozenges, prayer, scent therapy, positive thought, Wellbutrin, read every death/horror story I could find, posted cancer pictures on my walls and every other thing I thought would help to quit, and for all of my efforts I quit once for 8 months and once for a year and two months. I have smoked my whole life really………42 years of smoking. 42 years of hell.

    Look smoking hurts. It limits your ability to live your life. I have spent my life feeling like I was less than others because I smoked. I felt like I was less capable, less intelligent and less in control of myself. I wanted to do a triathlon but couldn’t because I had no wind. I wanted to be a nurse but didn’t even try because I found getting through a day of classes to hard without a fix. I have turned down or quit jobs that interfered with my need to light up every two hours choosing to work in bars my whole life where I could be the addict that I was. I have left movies early, cut dates short and once left James De Priestlys very last symphony because I had to have a cigarette, after having paid $200 for the tickets too. I have wheeled my ... out to the smoking area at hospitals, pee bag in my lap, to smoke. I have been humbled, I have beat my head against walls and I have cried thousands of times over cigarettes. They are so small and so unimportant but oh my god they dominated my life. They defined me.

    I want to tell you about the last year I had quit. In 2009 I quit, I made it and I couldn’t believe it. Every one said they never believed I would do it. I started training for my first triathlon and started my prereqs for nursing school. I was sooooo happy I had finally triumphed! I would run past the smoking areas outside of the hospital and think “thank god I am finally free” every day. I begged my husband to quit and watched him struggle to do it and fail over and over and I couldn’t help him. Occasionally, on a really tough day I would sneak a hit of his cigarette and think “oh I don’t even like the way it tastes. I am cured”…..but I never really was. I sometimes dreamed I was smoking. It haunted me.

    Of course I gained 15 pounds and spent the whole year trying to lose it. I ran a mile every day, ate little, I even tried fasting periodically and it just wouldn’t come off. That wasn’t so bad I guess except that I woke up every day and tried not to smoke, tried not to eat and tried to get along with my day. Now my whole life had become a battle of will power. Every day I went as long as I could until one day I was smoking again and I didn’t even realize how it happened. I had just thrown away a year plus two months of not smoking and it was so depressing I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t run anymore, I couldn’t breathe. I would go to sleep at night thinking that tomorrow I would do better, get control again and not smoke. By noon the next day I would be searching through old coats or asking my neighbors for a smoke. I have picked butts up off the ground and smoked them for god’s sake. Then one night, driving in my car and feeling very sad that I had smoked that day my husband called me and told me to turn on the radio. That’s where I was when I heard Bob Alexander’s story about ecigarettes on Mike Malloys radio show and it changed my life.

    Ecigarettes. Nicotine (as low a dose as you choose or no nicotine at all), polyglycerol the same as they use in asthma inhalers and food products. Flavoring if you want it. True to form I chose menthol and mint. You can vape, blow mist just like smoke, get the nicotine just like a patch and it’s as good as smoking but so much better. Ecigs………….the reduced risk alternative. The harm reduction option. The little battery operated solution that gave me back my life and my mind.

    I went to Bob’s website and ordered a kit from Frank over at EasyCig before the program was even over. In fact I sped home to do it. I got my kit three days later and I for the first time in my life I am free. My husband is free too, but that is his story, not mine so I will just note it here. True, we are not free of nicotine but that wasn’t really important to me (it’s not the nicotine that kills, it’s the smoke). Now I can vape and it makes everything ok. I get a small amount of nicotine and no harmful smoke or chemicals. No carcinogens, no ammonia, no cancer, no COPD, no wheezing, coughing or shortness of breath. No smoke.

    You want to know all of the things I am free of? The list is huge! Free from watching my husband struggle, he quit the first day easily as did I. Free of the guilt, the shame, the persistent nagging worry about my health. Free of the smell, the mess, the cost, the cough and the wheeze. Free to not crave all of the time! Not having this persistent itch that I just have to scratch is AMAZING! Free of the depression, the grief and the ever present sense of being a bad person for smoking. Free of the hunched over smoking areas, free of guiltily sneaking off and free of fear of being judged. Free to not have to suffer anymore. That is such a big statement I have to say it again….Free to Not Suffer Anymore.

    I can run again. My wind is great. I can breathe without wheezing. I am dropping the extra weight while eating whatever I want (within my vegan reason). I go to school and know that once I am in the field, with my RN degree, I have a extra tool to help others. My mind is finally free to think about things other than cigarettes and how I shouldn’t and why I can’t and why I am …………freedom.

    I know there are people out there who feel I should pay for getting addicted to cigarettes. That it is fitting and right I should suffer for it. I know there are people who will feel I should quit nicotine all together. However I am no longer blowing second hand smoke into the air and that is a good thing. I am no longer filling up endless ashtrays, and eventually landfills, with my poison butts and that’s a good thing too. I know in my heart I tried as hard as I could to quit and failed again and again. Now I am not hurting anyone else and that is a good thing. If you know someone who just can’t quit smoking then put away your judgments and get them a ecig immediately. Would you rather have your smug superiority or save a life? Refer them to the ecig forum and go to Super Beans and read “How I Quit Smoking” by Bob Alexander. Sometimes you have to pick your battles and lives can be saved, be improved, by the ecigs.

    Listen it is wonderful to not be carrying this huge burden anymore. I wish it for everyone who got trapped by smoking. Please try vaping, if you can’t just quit, and be free to live your life again.

    **I am just a girl who quit and am not affiliated in any way with any vendors or people mentioned in this post.****
    Baern, Bramsaurus, jijiflats and 11 others like this.
  2. mini_art

    mini_art Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Mar 2, 2010
    Florida USA
    That has to be the best story I have read on this forum. Thank you so much for telling us!
    KarlaM202 likes this.
  3. AJMoore

    AJMoore Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Dec 15, 2009
    Here and back
    That was beautiful and beautifully written. I see so much of myself in that, so much I too would be embarrassed to admit. This is a fantastic testimonial that should be sent to all anti smoking campaigns.

    Congratulations to you, welcome aboard and our hopes and best wishes are with you every step of the way.
  4. Warped3k

    Warped3k ECF Administrator
    ECF Live Chat Manager
    Admin Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Apr 25, 2010
    North Carolina, US
    Amazing story! After so many analogs, numerous times of trying to quit, and all it took was ecigarettes. Our government should look at this story.

    Keep strong, and keep vaping!
  5. spiritv

    spiritv Senior Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Apr 7, 2010
    Amazing story, it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing it. *hugs*

    ETA: And congratulations to both you and your husband!
  6. glowgirl

    glowgirl Super Member ECF Veteran

    Apr 26, 2010
    A, A
    I just had to express my gratitude. This forum really helped me too!
  7. Moonflame

    Moonflame Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Welcome GlowGirl! Great testimonial and thanks for sharing it with us.
  8. cliff5550

    cliff5550 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    What an excellent personal story. All noobs should have the opportunity to read your words.
    My wife and I both quit smoking cigarettes after 40+ years (me) and 30+ years (her) on the very same day our first e-cigs arrived in the mail 10 months ago.
    Congratulations to you and your husband!
  9. muttSRT

    muttSRT Supplier Associate ECF Veteran

    4 words...MAKE THIS A STICKY...everyone needs to read this
  10. mpetva

    mpetva Super Member ECF Veteran

    Apr 16, 2009
    Wow, what a powerful story and testament. Thank you for posting it and congratulations on your e-cig success.

    I was like you and like you, I am now free, thanks to the e-cigs.

  11. skydragon

    skydragon ECF Guru Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Oct 7, 2009
    Mountain Cave
    That is what we should be sending to our newspapers. Letters To The Editor.

    If that doesn't grip people (non-smokers) by the gut and let in some empathy, nothing will.
    WilsonPhillips likes this.
  12. angjen0816

    angjen0816 Super Member ECF Veteran

    Oct 19, 2009
    Menasha, WI
    thank you for sharing your story. i can definately relate with you on many levels, with your mom, the pregnancy, doing anything to appease the cigarette demon. i am very happy for you and your husband.
  13. thelook

    thelook Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Jan 21, 2010
    Madison, Wisconsin
    Glowgirl a big thank you for your story!

    So many of us can relate:)
  14. Sci

    Sci Super Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 12, 2009
    Awesome! Success stories such as yours should be sent everywhere possible to show the FDA, ASH, & other non-smokers what life with smoking is really like & how that life can be changed for the better through the use of "E-cigs". For what it is worth, I applaud you. Your story is hardcore. While I can relate to some aspects of your smoking life, most were not that extreme. Be proud of yourself & when you win that triathlon with your nursing degree on your wall at home, celebrate the victory!
    Though you don't & won't need it, good luck with all you do.
  15. Shortstuff116

    Shortstuff116 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 2, 2009
    Bellingham, MA
    What a fantastic story! Not to trivialize any other stories that have been posted here at ECF but that is the best one I've read, so well written and so honest. We can all relate to how dominant cigarettes can and have been in our lives and how it has controlled so many aspects of it as well.

    Absolutely proud of both you and your husband and wish you continued success and a healthier future!

  16. StormFinch

    StormFinch Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Mar 22, 2010
    Wow... just Wow. I agree with a lot of the posters here, this needs to be stickied and then mailed to every administration/association/society and legislator in the country.

    Kudos to you and your husband, and welcome to the family! :)
  17. glowgirl

    glowgirl Super Member ECF Veteran

    Apr 26, 2010
    A, A
    I was going to just print a bunch of "my testimonial" and leave them with V4L and CigEasy cards in all the smoking huts I pass everyday.

    If anyone wants to add, use or reprint my little piece please feel free. I don't know how to sticky it but feel free to do that too. Save a smoker if you can and thank you all for your kind words and support! This is the nicest forum ever.....

    Ok I feel all bashful and squirmy now........gotta go dig in the garden!
    DC2 likes this.
  18. AJMoore

    AJMoore Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Dec 15, 2009
    Here and back
    Glowgirl, there is one other aspect where cigarettes have controlled my life, that is in my career. I've tried to never smoke in front of clients etc. This has hampered me in my job. I will sometimes look for reasons to depart the gathering, meeting, etc. just so I could go out back and smoke. I wouldn't go out to lunch with clients because I knew I wouldn't be able to smoke. You get the drift. I feel it's greatly reduced my productivity in my job because I was always trying to "schedule" in my mind when I might be able to sneak a cig. How disgusting when I look back on it. So many opportunities lost.
  19. glowgirl

    glowgirl Super Member ECF Veteran

    Apr 26, 2010
    A, A
    Word. Remember the uncomfortable feeling of walking back into that meeting hoping they couldn't smell the stale smoke on your clothes? Smoking is like having a scarlet S stamped on your forehead now....

    I once told my husband that you can complete a Ironman with no legs or no arms (many have) but not a smoker. How cool would it be to do a whole Ironman and when I get to the finish line pull out my ecig and puff away?? That would change some minds!
  20. AJMoore

    AJMoore Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Dec 15, 2009
    Here and back
    I do remember and when I look back I don't know what I was thinking, of course everyone could smell it! What a delusional world I lived in.

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