Is your partner Pagan?

[Nyxie]

I am wondering how people with non Pagan partners deal with the difference.

On our first date I wanted to get it right out there that I was Pagan. I had just split with a guy who was Baptist. The issue with us was that we never talked about religion until we dated for a while. Once we talked about religion it was done, he could not handle I was not Baptist or even Christian and I wasn't going to change for him.

So here is how the conversation went with me and hubby on our first date. After telling me he was not a sports nut (thanks the goddess) I said "I am Pagan" and he said "Oh good, I am atheist!" I just looked at him like HUH? How is that good ? He explained how he didnt want anything to do with Christians and then laughed that I actually think my spells work. So after many discussions about his beliefs and mine, I figured out he was more agnostic. He claimed he was atheist because that is what his ex wife told him they were and that is how their kids were raised.

So now after about 5 yrs together, now he says he is Pagan. He actually dabbles in candle magic now too. I have never told him to "be" anything, he is just liking how I think and what I do and most of that comes from living Pagan.

 

[imawitch]

ive been married for 15 years to my darling (2nd)husband..

he is not pagan, he is southern baptist..

he respects my beliefe system and some times he even ask me to craft him luck spells etc lol, I in turn respect his views..

we both agree that their is a higher power..we just see our higher powers with a differ face...

we get along just fine..happy as can be..

 

[Nighthawk]

nope, he's not pagan. About the only things we have in common is a kid, liking to have lots of critters, and liking to live in the country. I am not even really sure how he moved in with me, I was really really sick and exhausted and didn't have the energy to make him leave. We're not married and I don't intend to marry him. His beliefs and mine are just too far apart. The only way it's "dealt with" is by not ever talking about it. Not exactly the ideal situation, but we never fight either.

 

[VaporPhreak]

My wife and I have been married for 7 years, been together for 8, but have known each other for about 15 years. She actually dated my best friend in High School. They eventually fell apart about the same time my ex-fiance and I fell apart. We ended up talking a few weeks later and were there to help each other pick up the pieces that long term relationship loss broke each of our lives into. Religion wasn't really discussed at that point because we knew each others beliefes in a very general sence. She was at that time, as she was all her life, a Baptist. I actually attended youth group and occasional sunday services at her church throughout high school. NOTE: I was pagan in high school, I was before that as well, but I attended Christian churchs to find for two reasons: 1) To try and change their minds about how they view pagans. & 2) To find out why they have such a deep seeded hatred for pagans. (ironically enough most of them cant honestly answer the 2nd part themselves) But that is a story for another time. Flash forward about 7 years to when we were getting married. We discussed at one point how our religious differances could affect our lives together, despite the fact that we respected each other beliefes. THe only possible hurdle we came across was in which religion do we raise children. Well we agreed that we would expose them to both our religions and to as many others as possible and allow them to make their own decisions when they are ready. Of course she thought ready meant 18, and I meant when they are old enough to feel a real pull to one or another. I personally started my religious journey on my own at 8 despite being raised in a home where church and religion were never really discussed. Again, a story for another time. Flashforward again another 7(ish) years to a few months ago when my wife revealed to me that she had secretly been reading my books, listening to SJ Tucker songs and pagan podcasts on my PC to learn more about my beliefs. Now when prompted what religion she is she answers undecided, and more than once I have heard her pull into the driveway BLARING Hymn to Herne. We will see where we are in another 7 years. BB

 

[shanagan]

My husband is Catholic, that counts, right?

In all seriousness, it has been rough sometimes (until Beltane - insert a leering smiley here) only because we live in a very (VERY) conservative area, and I think my husband thinks I'm Pagan just to be different or something.

We've worked through most of it, as I joked above, in large part because he "gets" the idea that the sacred is not limited to gender - shoutout to Mary. However, not so cool is that he truly believes he's going to hell because of me. So yeah, that's not a lot of fun. But I guess it says something about our relationship, that it's worth it to him.

 

[Nighthawk]

As far as I'm concerned, Catholics are pagans. lol I have been known to 'borrow back' from them certain things. It's fair when you look at the history of Catholocism. Many of the rites, saints, rituals, holy places, ect... (shout out to Mary!) lol If you can get any Catholic to unbend enough to look at their history and practices, they tend to agree, at least enough not to worry so much. I am glad you have someone that loves you that much! That's a blessing in any religion.

 

[Nyxie]

I guess I am more surprised about the Baptist mates. Maybe the Baptist people I have encountered are real strict bible bashing baptist. My grand parents were non practicing baptist, they were pretty regular people. My brother in law is Baptist and would not talk to my hubby because he isn't suppose to talk to people like him, when he claimed to be atheist. Now on occasion he talks to him but not anything like they use to.
My own brother converted to Baptist a few years ago. He has not spoken to me since. If I want to talk to my once closest sibling, I have to have my Mom call him and hand me the phone and he tries not to talk very long. I finally gave up and it irks me because he ddnt even bother to send me back the rsvp to my wedding that I really would have liked him to walk me down the aisle in. I just don't get those kinds of people and they are always Baptist it seems or the uber Christian ones.

 

[VaporPhreak]

Well I guess it boils down to the issue of there being more than one kind of Baptist. Of course this rings true in EVERY religion. You have your extremists, your liberals, and those that fall between. Nyxie, sounds like the extremists dominate your area, and I am very sorry you have that to deal with. I have ran into a few of them and its never fun... especially when they are family. Try to stay positive and remember that the problem is with them. There is nothing wrong with you being you, they just perceive one because they are stuck in a religion where they do not have freedom as we do. If we make a mistake, we clean it up and move on. If they make a mistake, their soul burns for eternity. They are, in my opinion, just a bit jealous of our freedoms and jealousy begets fear and hate. With luck, some persuasion, and maybe even a little magic your brother may just feel drawn back enough stop the silent treatment and avoidance.
BB

 

[Nyxie]

Yep , it just makes me sad for them. I can't imagine thinking I would burn for eternity.
I was Pagan many years before my bro was Baptist and he liked me then LOL. He didnt agree with me on religion and we never talked about it.

 

[Vicks Vap-oh-Yeah]

My ex (whom I was married to for 15 years) is a hard-core Lutheran. One of the reasons I really never 'came out' for such a long time - I didn't want to admit to him that my belief system was walking different paths then his. Now, he never forced me to worship with him, but he did insist that our kids go to a 'proper Lutheran' school (can you see my eyes rolling here???) but there was always a bit of disappointment in his eyes that I didn't jump on the Christian bandwagon.

One of his last questions to me as the marriage was in its final breaking stage: 'What DO you believe in?' I couldn't answer him then, just like I can't answer now if I'm a Pagan, Wiccan, or any other named belief system - I'm not any particular brand or label in my belief system - I've cobbled together my own personal beliefs from what 'feels' right.

I'm amazed I endured those 15 years...it's hard to hide what's inside you for so long.

The man I'm dating now is a proclaimed atheist...but he's got interests in some of my right-feeling systems as well, so we closely parallel in some beliefs, agree to let the other believe what they will in those we don't parallel in. Understanding and accepting that one's view of the world might not be another's view is key here, and makes us a good match.

 

[FyreDragon]

MoonRose and I have been happily handfasted for a little over three years now. We see eye-to-eye on most things, most of the time. Religion just happens to be one of them.

 

[Drozd]

my mate is christian....heck her dad is a christian minister....no problems....
but then again I really don't get along with most other pagans these days either... I therefore prefer to call myself heathen
just like the christians have their denominations we have our different sects... and I don't get along with most of them....
and I think the fad of wicca after movies like the craft etc....made things worse...
so for me getting along with a christian is no different than getting along with a wiccan..

 

[Nyxie]

I think the fad of wicca after movies like the craft etc....made things worse...
so for me getting along with a christian is no different than getting along with a wiccan..

Oh ya, I agree about the fad of wicca in the sense of the fluffy bunnies. I had to deal with those when my daughter was a teen and they (her fluffy friends) knew I was a witch. It was the Buffy Times to me LOL.

I also have the Wiccans who drive me nuts in our area who could be as bad or worse than a Christian. Goddess forbid you enter a circle the wrong way or call a quarter the non wiccan way. I am lucky the local Wiccan crone knows better than to act like this because I have learned so much from her and nothing to do with Wicca. Too bad all the other ones don't act more open minded. They spend more time worrying about doing the rituals right , and in the right order , that they lose sight of what the ritual was for. I guess seeing wiccan's act this way has also made me not Wiccan. Although even if they didn't act like that, I would probably still just be an elemental witch.

 

[Drozd]

That and round here at one time there was only one shop/bookstore for supplies...alot of people in the area considered the owner and operator the local "authority" as it were............unfortunately she was definitely more of the out for money class of pagan.....new people looking for information or answers? well you could take her intro to spellcrafting class at $400... and at the end she may decide to give you the info.....or decide that you were not the type of person that the "craft" wanted... absolutely horrible person she was....

 

[Nyxie]

We have 2 metaphysical stores here and one in a flea market, where they call their booth a store LOL. One store has a nice person who will tell you anything you ask with reasonable class prices if you chose to go that route. The other store has one of the kind you mention, she is very odd and expensive. If she gets a bad vibe from you for no apparent reason she will actually kick you out of her store.
We also have 2 pagan groups with a lot of politics. Basically Two witches trying to lead the sheeple, only one isn't really wanting to lead and the other things she is taking over the others lead LOL. It is a sad thing to get involved in around here . I try not to anymore and do a pretty good job of picking my witch friends wisely now. Basically I call it the redneck pagans and the not so redneck pagans LOL.

It was hard to keep hubby out of those politics , especially since he doesnt even know what he is talking about most of the time. He went around for at least a month saying So mode it be. LOL after his first ritual He is also one of the guys you would find in the outside section of the ecf if he was a member here. I just stopped going to the group things because of the fluffy bunny sheeple.

 

[Nighthawk]

Ah, the "witch wars"... so sad. I've seen it happen whenever there is a large enough community. People are still people, pagan or not. It's why so many are solitary by choice instead of necessity.

 

[Serpentine]

My BF of 12 years is not a Pagan, he's agnostic. He knew a lot about Paganism before we met, so he gets where I come from. I do wish sometimes he'd just listen to me and believe me, but he has his own mind...damn him! LOL.

 

[Nyxie]

My BF of 12 years is not a Pagan, he's agnostic. He knew a lot about Paganism before we met, so he gets where I come from. I do wish sometimes he'd just listen to me and believe me, but he has his own mind...damn him! LOL.

Ya, I hate those people who think for themselves LOL JK JK
Actually mine can't think for himself but he thinks he can so what is that LOL. I say I am Pagan when we met, now he is Pagan too. His ex told him she was athiest so he was that too. LOL Poor guy reminds me of Julia Roberts in runaway bride. he doesnt know what kind of eggs or religion he likes.

 

[Nyxie]

Ah, the "witch wars"... so sad. I've seen it happen whenever there is a large enough community. People are still people, pagan or not. It's why so many are solitary by choice instead of necessity.

Yes I feel a new war brewing too, "they" want to have a Pagan Pride day event. I will not get involved , I will go and show up for the day but I refuse to volunteer at the witch wars.

 

[phoenixfire]

MoonRose and I have been happily handfasted for a little over three years now. We see eye-to-eye on most things, most of the time. Religion just happens to be one of them.

Love your signature, and yes I do!!!!!