The Joke Tread!

[spacekitty]

I've got a good one for you...


Mom and Pop Vapor shop > The Joke Tread!

Are we supposed to be walking all over the Jokes here???

 

[JiNXeD]

An elderly couple were sitting in their rocking chairs on the back porch one day when the old lady reached over and knocked the old man out of his chair.

The old man got up, sat back down in his chair and said, “What was that for?”

The old lady said, “That was for 50 years of bad sex.”

A couple minutes later the old man reached over and knocked the old lady out of her chair.

She got up and said, “What was that for?”

The old man said, “That’s for knowing the difference."

 

[spacekitty]

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'

The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'

The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!'

 

[tmcase]

A woman made her husband a sandwich and asked him how he liked it.
He said not enough bread.
The next day she added 2 more slices of bread and asked him how he liked it.
He said not enough bread.
The next day she added 2 more slices of bread (6 slices) and asked him how he liked it.
He said not enough bread.
The next day she took a loaf of bread and cut it in half and asked him how he liked it.
He said now we are back to 2 slices.

 

[JiNXeD]

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''

 

[jj2]

 

[JiNXeD]

 

[jj2]

 

[spacekitty]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..."

He sighed........
.

.

.

.

.

"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."

 

[jj2]

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator

 

[spacekitty]

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.' Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'

'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'

'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?'

'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.

'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?'

 

[jj2]

Q: What's the similarity between a Alligator and Windows? A: Neither of them has enough bytes!

 

[jj2]

Q: How many arms has a alligator got? A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!

 

[wvducklady]

I found this online sometime last year, and I thought it was hilarious! Haha

Brought to you by Tapatalk

 

[spacekitty]

I found this online sometime last year, and I thought it was hilarious! Haha

Brought to you by Tapatalk

LOL!! I have that one in my "collection"...


And there's always this one, too!!

Oh, those naughty kitties...

 

[jj2]

Q: What do you get if you cross a alligator with a flower? A: I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!

 

[spacekitty]

This is a story that Ian Anderson, the leader of the British rock group Jethro Tull told during a

concert. The concert was in Detroit, although that is not important to know in order to follow

along.

One day, the drummer of Jethro Tull, who was named Barry Barlow, showed up for a

rehearsal wearing a pair of kilts that he had purchased during the band's recent tour of

Scotland. Ian Anderson, who as I said before is the leader of the group, was curious as to what

a person wears under a kilt. So, he said to Barry, "Hey Barry, what have you got under your

kilt?"

So, Barry said to Ian Anderson, "Well, why don't you stoop down, stick your head under and

take a look". And Ian Anderson did so and, as he later reported, with a big toothy grin, to the

crowd at the concert, "I have to tell you that what I saw was gruesome. And, as I looked at it,

it grew some more!"

 

[jj2]

Q: What do alligators call human children? A: Appetizers.

 

[jj2]

Q: Who gives alligators presents on Christmas? A: Santa Jaws!

 

[whodat2112]