Today's Laugh

[HzG8rGrl]

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas..
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody
was staring at me.....



Then I suddenly remembered .......................................







I was listening to my iPod.

 

[MrsIken]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that was really funny Tina!!!

 

[aspen]

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas..
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody
was staring at me.....



Then I suddenly remembered .......................................







I was listening to my iPod.

loved the punch line and certainly laughed. There's an art to telling stories and you nailed that one HZ.

 

[AJMoore]

If you made that up (or if it really happened) you should be a writer (David Letterman???). You are funny.

 

[Thyestean]

 

[HzG8rGrl]

Gawd, Thy, you come up with the funniest emoticons...

 

[Skully7780]

Oh yea.. just download the app:

http://www.electricpig.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/iphone-pull-my-finger.jpg

 

[Thyestean]

Gawd, Thy, you come up with the funniest emoticons...

 

[HzG8rGrl]

Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

 

[Electricnut]

Ha ha......

 

[crashtestjeep]

these are absolutely HILARIOUS!!!! Keep em coming

 

[HzG8rGrl]

Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal...

 

[Thyestean]

Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

LOl @ that one

 

[Thyestean]

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

That's funny... I've always said that there are way to many people in the world to make miserable to waste a whole life doing it to just one

 

[HzG8rGrl]

There you are....Now where did you go?

 

[crashtestjeep]

ooh I got one! A mans wife leaves him so he goes n buys a brand new bmw convertible...hes speeding down the hwy and sees hes blue lighted ...thinks f it- noone will catch me in this thing so gasses it....a few seconds later realized its a dumb idea so pulls over. The cop says "look its been a long day and its fri the 13th-if u can tell me an excuse why u were going so fast,and its one ive NEVER heard, Ill let u go" - the guy looks up and says "last week, my wife ran off with a cop, I thought u were trying to return her" - cop says "have a nice day sir" and walks off chuckling....

 

[Thyestean]

There you are....Now where did you go?

what? who? where?


-----


lol ctj

 

[notsoogood]

Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

This ones a killer!!! Thought I was gonna pee my pants!!!
Thanks for the laughs!!!!

 

[MrsIken]

The Strangest Wal Mart Customer



Dear Mrs. Denner,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right away."

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fatal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Once again we cannot tolerate this behaviour in our store.

Regards, Wal-Mart (Thanks Bradley)

 

[aspen]

Being a ex mason by trade I always laugh at this story, ya its been around for a long time but it still just cracks me up, the streaming visual.
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