Recent content by Vapaway

In the Beginning, God went missing from Heaven for six days. Eventually, on the seventh day, Michael the Archangel found him, resting. Michael inquired, "Where have you been?" God smiled deeply, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look, Michael! Look what I've made." Archangel...

Things Your Waiter Won't Tell You 1. Avoid eating out on holidays and Saturday nights. The sheer volume of customers guarantees that most kitchens will be pushed beyond their ability to produce a high-quality dish. 2. There are almost never any sick days in the restaurant business. A busboy...

TWENTY EIGHT LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE:D 1 My husband and I divorced over religious differences.. He thought he was God and I didn't.. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 4.. I used to have a handle on...

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men: "For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Jim...

While leading a party of Girl Scouts through the woods in silent Indian fashion, the troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in an indecent act. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too late. Several...

When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, "Excuse my French" just after a swear word. I'll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little...

Hormone Hostage Every "hormone hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or male child...

As I sat in the living room my 5 year old shouted at me from the back door. 'I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside,' I said. Again, he shouted back. 'I told you, I can't hear you from there. It's rude to shout. If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room,' I replied. A few...

The real-estate boss got a hot a new secretary, and he decided to put some moves on her. But within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is working, not caring, coming to work late, and so on. Finally, he pulls her aside, and has a little talk with her. "Listen, Baby, we may...

Generic ...... is sold under the name Fix-a-Flat. New ...... eye drops make you look hard. The man spent too much money on ......: Now, he's hard up. Bread with ...... as an added ingredient is being marketed through a Boston bakery under the name "Pepperidge Firm". Did you hear about the...

While waiting to register at a hotel, I overheard the couple ahead of Me asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The clerk Apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds. Disappointed, the man remarked, "I don't know. We've been sharing the same bed for 44 years."...

Patient: “How much to have this tooth pulled?” Dentist: “Ninety dollars.” Patient: “Ninety dollars for just a few minutes work?” Dentist: “I can extract it very slowly if you like.” :D

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of...

Today is International Disturbed People's Day Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend... Just as I've done. I don't care if you lick windows, Take the special bus Or occasionally pee on yourself.. You hang in there sunshine, you're frigging special.:rolleyes: