ROFL! It's not pretty when a web server cries! Shades of HAL. (I was hearing HAL's voice the whole time I was reading it.)
A Smile for you
- Thread starter Mary Kay
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(my brother said it reminded him of Marvin from "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" )
That's a book I've always wanted to read and never got around to. I'll have to see if my library has it on ebook. I only go the library's web site now, I never go the brick and mortar place. Wonder if they miss me?
!!!!!!
that's a fantastic curse Emma!!!!
I just wish my brain wasn't so weird, cause this is what came to mind....
I just wish my brain wasn't so weird, cause this is what came to mind....
No wonder he's extinct, his arms didn't reach his mouth. How did he hold his fork?
This is awesome!
Me: (in a tizzy) : God, can I ask you something?
GOD: Sure.
Me: Promise you won't get mad?
GOD: I promise.
Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?
GOD: What do you mean?
Me: Well I woke up late,
GOD: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start.
Me (growling): At lunch, they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait
GOD: Hmmmm..
Me: On the way home, my phone went dead, just as I picked up a call
GOD: All right
Me (loudly): And to top it all off, when I got home, I just wanted to soak
my
feet in my foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work. Nothing went right
today! Why did you do that?
GOD: Well let me see..... the death angel was at your bed this morning and I
had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you
sleep through that.
Me (humbled): Oh...
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your
route that might have hit you if you were on the road
Me (ashamed): ............
GOD: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't
want
you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work
Me (embarrassed): Oh.....
GOD: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to
give a false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you
talk to them so you would be covered
Me (softly): I see God
GOD: Oh and that foot massager, it had a short that was going to throw out
all
of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the
dark.
Me: I'm sorry God.
GOD: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me.........in all things, the good
and the bad
Me: I WILL trust you God
GOD: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your
plan
Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything
today.
GOD: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love
looking after my children.
~Scriptural References: II Samuel 22:31, Proverbs 3:5, Hebrews 2:13
Me: (in a tizzy) : God, can I ask you something?
GOD: Sure.
Me: Promise you won't get mad?
GOD: I promise.
Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?
GOD: What do you mean?
Me: Well I woke up late,
GOD: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start.
Me (growling): At lunch, they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait
GOD: Hmmmm..
Me: On the way home, my phone went dead, just as I picked up a call
GOD: All right
Me (loudly): And to top it all off, when I got home, I just wanted to soak
my
feet in my foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work. Nothing went right
today! Why did you do that?
GOD: Well let me see..... the death angel was at your bed this morning and I
had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you
sleep through that.
Me (humbled): Oh...
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your
route that might have hit you if you were on the road
Me (ashamed): ............
GOD: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't
want
you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work
Me (embarrassed): Oh.....
GOD: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to
give a false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you
talk to them so you would be covered
Me (softly): I see God
GOD: Oh and that foot massager, it had a short that was going to throw out
all
of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the
dark.
Me: I'm sorry God.
GOD: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me.........in all things, the good
and the bad
Me: I WILL trust you God
GOD: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your
plan
Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything
today.
GOD: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love
looking after my children.
~Scriptural References: II Samuel 22:31, Proverbs 3:5, Hebrews 2:13
A.A.A.D.D.. KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first...
But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....
Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who I've sent it to.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming! P.S. I don't remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I'm sorry...
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first...
But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....
Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who I've sent it to.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming! P.S. I don't remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I'm sorry...
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