A Smile for you
- Thread starter Mary Kay
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I have a friend who sometimes makes me laugh till I cry. Recently she joined Facebook to share photos. I told her I wasn't an FB fan and how did she make time for it? I'm gonna share her reply because it made me smile:
Cancelled the second day. Kept getting way too many weird pics of folks I don't know.
Mostly from my niece and nephew's friends who have about a zillion of them. Then
apparently I asked everyone to be my friend - and when they wanted to be my friend
I had to reject them. This is a tough society. On the second day when it felt like
someone was yelling at me and saying "post something" - I got out. So much for
being in the now. At home I still have a phone with a cord attached to the talky thing.
At least it has push buttons and not a dial. My cell phone doesn't take pictures
or connect to the internet. Just got rid of my 2,000 pound TV a couple of months
ago and got a flatscreen which, by the way, bugs me because there's a black line
at the top and bottom of the screen which makes everyone's .... look way too big.
I do not have a hybrid car or a good sound system - got rid of the boom box
last year. Looked at myself in the mirror the other day and discovered that my
hairstyle looks exactly like my senior picture in the yearbook. I do have really
cute tennis shoes though. I like to pretend that I live in a town called "Back to
the Future" and somehow I have gotten stuck in the past. Hopefully Doc Brown
and Marty McFly will come back and get me and drop me off in 2012 soon.
Cancelled the second day. Kept getting way too many weird pics of folks I don't know.
Mostly from my niece and nephew's friends who have about a zillion of them. Then
apparently I asked everyone to be my friend - and when they wanted to be my friend
I had to reject them. This is a tough society. On the second day when it felt like
someone was yelling at me and saying "post something" - I got out. So much for
being in the now. At home I still have a phone with a cord attached to the talky thing.
At least it has push buttons and not a dial. My cell phone doesn't take pictures
or connect to the internet. Just got rid of my 2,000 pound TV a couple of months
ago and got a flatscreen which, by the way, bugs me because there's a black line
at the top and bottom of the screen which makes everyone's .... look way too big.
I do not have a hybrid car or a good sound system - got rid of the boom box
last year. Looked at myself in the mirror the other day and discovered that my
hairstyle looks exactly like my senior picture in the yearbook. I do have really
cute tennis shoes though. I like to pretend that I live in a town called "Back to
the Future" and somehow I have gotten stuck in the past. Hopefully Doc Brown
and Marty McFly will come back and get me and drop me off in 2012 soon.
that's great Cisme- I'd friend your friend too ( if she hadn't dropped off facebook)
From Readers Digest - parental texts:
Me: I was offered a job!
Dad: Accept it before they realize their mistake.
Dad: What is IDK?
Me: I dont know.
Dad: Oh, do you know who does?
Me: Lets eat dad
Dad: Lets eat Dad or Lets eat, Dad. Punctuation saves lives.
Me: I love you
Mom: I tolerate you
Me: What time are you picking me up?
Dad: Who is this?
Me: Your son.
Dad: How did you get this number?
Me: I programmed your phone, remember?
Dad: How do I delete people?
Mom: Your father is driving me crazy. When are you coming home?
Me: Im out with friends so not till late. Sorry!
Mom: Its OK. I put Ambien in his tea. He wont be annoying me much longer.
Me: Can I borrow 50 bucks?
Mom: You dont call to say hi, you didnt call on my birthday. All you ever call for is money!
Me: 40 bucks?
Mom: OK.
Me: Hey!
Dad: Arent you supposed to be at school?
Me: Arent you supposed to be at work?
Dad: Touché
Me: Happy 49th, Dad! I love you so much!
Dad: Its 48! You ruined my day.
Mom: Come downstairs and talk to me please. Im lonely.
Me: Isnt Dad there?
Mom: Yes, but I like you more.
Me: I was offered a job!
Dad: Accept it before they realize their mistake.
Dad: What is IDK?
Me: I dont know.
Dad: Oh, do you know who does?
Me: Lets eat dad
Dad: Lets eat Dad or Lets eat, Dad. Punctuation saves lives.
Me: I love you
Mom: I tolerate you
Me: What time are you picking me up?
Dad: Who is this?
Me: Your son.
Dad: How did you get this number?
Me: I programmed your phone, remember?
Dad: How do I delete people?
Mom: Your father is driving me crazy. When are you coming home?
Me: Im out with friends so not till late. Sorry!
Mom: Its OK. I put Ambien in his tea. He wont be annoying me much longer.
Me: Can I borrow 50 bucks?
Mom: You dont call to say hi, you didnt call on my birthday. All you ever call for is money!
Me: 40 bucks?
Mom: OK.
Me: Hey!
Dad: Arent you supposed to be at school?
Me: Arent you supposed to be at work?
Dad: Touché
Me: Happy 49th, Dad! I love you so much!
Dad: Its 48! You ruined my day.
Mom: Come downstairs and talk to me please. Im lonely.
Me: Isnt Dad there?
Mom: Yes, but I like you more.
Me: What time are you picking me up?
Dad: Who is this?
Me: Your son.
Dad: How did you get this number?
Me: I programmed your phone, remember?
Dad: How do I delete people?
OMGosh!!!! I love this one
Dad: Who is this?
Me: Your son.
Dad: How did you get this number?
Me: I programmed your phone, remember?
Dad: How do I delete people?
OMGosh!!!! I love this one
I have two favorites -
Me: Lets eat dad
Dad: “Let’s eat Dad” or “Let’s eat, Dad.” Punctuation saves lives.
And
Mom: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I’m lonely.
Me: Isn’t Dad there?
Mom: Yes, but I like you more.
Me: Lets eat dad
Dad: “Let’s eat Dad” or “Let’s eat, Dad.” Punctuation saves lives.
And
Mom: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I’m lonely.
Me: Isn’t Dad there?
Mom: Yes, but I like you more.
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."
Priceless
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."
Priceless
STUFF TO LIGHTEN YOUR DAY!
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it..)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home ; maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home .. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing..)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(Who figured that out)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone!
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it..)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home ; maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home .. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing..)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(Who figured that out)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone!
I had totally forgotten about the cat urine being fluorescent !!! Guess who is gonna be spot hunting tonight !
(poor Babu...)
(poor Babu...)
I knew cat urine was fluorescent (that's why they use black lights to detect it), but I didn't know lefties lived 9 years less than righties. If I start writing with my right hand, will that help?
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