Bipolar disorder. My story, smoking.

[flarg]

This Sandy storm has bipolar disorder!!! (Mean no disrespect, but seriously, this storm seems quite manic).

 

[oxygen thief]

Thought I would add my own story to the others.

I am also bi-polar, unlike Oxygen, I am what they call bi-polar type II, this means I don't get the high highs or the low lows, people like me get mis-treated or under-treated because we don't have the extremes.

Also a lot of the medications haven't worked for me. Over the years they have tried me on so many different things, most of the time I felt they made me worse. A few of the meds where too the point friends told me flat out if I stayed on that med to stay away from them. It wasn't they where against meds, but the med affected me in ways I wasn't seeing.

Something I didn't know til just a few months ago tho is thyroid can effect things like bi-polar, even tho my thyroid has always tested normal my dr went ahead and tried me on a low dose thyroid med to see if maybe that would help with my weight issue as they are finding normal isn't always normal for that person. I can't say if it is helping with my weight, but I can say for the first time I can remember I haven't felt the depression I suffered with, (about 95% of my type II bi-polar has been depression)

I've been on over 70 meds over a 30 year period, hundreds of combination, it's not easy. I knew a woman that could not get her depression fixed. She went to a specialist on thyroid issues, almost overnight she was so much better. I was tried on T3 I think, nothing.

 

[oxygen thief]

I just wanted to say thank you Oxygen Thief for sharing your story with us. Not that I wish mental disorders on anyone but it is refreshing to come across someone so open and honest about it and to know you are not alone.

The brain is the most complex organ in the body and the least understood. There is so much potential for disorders yet the stigma remains. People tend to hide their mental disorders but have no problem talking about diseases of other organs. It's completely amazing to me how so many people still believe it's something a person can just snap out of if they try hard enough. Or that it's not a deadly disease. Ah, hello suicide! There is even compassion for assisted suicide for people with terminal illness or severe disease but none for people with mental illness - they are just considered selfish. IMOO mental illness is the worst and most debilitating disease to live with. Thankfully health professionals have come along way with understanding it and with new medications to try to treat it. Now if only the general public would follow.

Thanks. Scientists are discovering new ways to attack depression with various brain imaging techniques and dna etc. They are scratching the surface on, AHA, this issue can be treated with these meds.
Also, like my psychiatrist told me, meds can't do it all. Exercise, therapy, good diet, socializing all help. We can't do any of those at times but when we can they help. I do therapy but none of the rest right now. I'm working on it.

 

[oxygen thief]

Krj is definitely an amazing woman, I will have to look for the youtube videos. Totally understand the night med thing! I took seroquel for 4 years to help me sleep, I miss it often lol

Sent from my Nexus S using Tapatalk 2

Steven Fry has a two part thing on bipolar on youtube. It's incredible. Watch it.

 

[oxygen thief]

Been there done that. I can't vape WTA, it just doesn't agree with me. I've gone the natural supplements route because the SSRIs all mess with me. St. John's Wort did nothing. I'm using 5-Hydroxytryptophan - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia now. I can't say for sure it's working, but it has improved my sleep which does tend to put me in a better mood. LOL

I'm probably repeating myself. I carry a little spiral notebook around and write down what friends say like they have a medical procedure next month I can remember to call and ask how things went, etc. Not med induced memory, I've always been this way.

SSRI's were totally overrated and many people are going back to the original AD's. Tricyclics and MAO Inhibitors. They should have named SSRI's numbing apathy pills. How do you beat depression with pills that make you don't care. When my doc added Ritalin to the mix I did better on SSRI's but still don't like em.

 

[JENerationX]

Numbing apathy pills!!! LMAO.... That's exactly it. Yes, my anxiety was gone..... but only because I didn't give a damn about ANYTHING... at all.

 

[oxygen thief]

I really strongly feel that those with a long history of crippling major depression take psychiatric medications. I feel the longer the brain's chemicals are out of whack there will only be a decline, possibly leading to psychosis. Untreated depression can ultimately cause brain damage. A blunt statement, and not meaning brain damage as in traumatic brain injury or anything, but it's just that untreated mental disorders can cause shrinkage of key areas of the brain.

Some people might be struggling with treatment-resistant depression or similar disorders, and really upping the dosages can be a world of difference. Also, combination drug therapy can sometimes be essential. It can be a long, hard road, and some may not be lucky to find the right path, for whatever reasons (be it actual access to health care or medicine, or doctor negligence, etc.), but I truly believe we have the medicinal tools to combat brain diseases. I don't know about completely cure, but hopefully at some point that'll be available.

I hate that some doctors feel the need to prescribe medications on top of medications, some to combat the side-effects of others; sometimes it seems because they're just trying to throw a bunch of cards on a table hoping some will land in the right places. Because Neuropsychology is such an emerging field, and most doctors don't continue to research and study related issues, their frame of reference and education becomes stagnated and slows down the progress of psychiatric medicine, and thus contributes to the public's negative views and wariness of related issues. Of course there's the whole needless drama with drug company/research funding/patents, bureaucracy/red tape, etc. that slows treatment and medicine progress. Stem-cell research and therapy is a big thing with this regard.



I acknowledge that some people are able to function with severe metal illnesses without medication (be it prescription, herbal, illicit, whatever), but for those who are struggling and want a better life, I know it's out there and that drug intervention can make all the difference in helping the body begin to regain normal function.

Just my 2 cents regarding psychiatric medication.

With bipolar I'm on 4 medsbut here's the way I see it. Your brain can't tell that you're taking one or seven. These meds are aimed ay differeny issues in your brain. I don't like it but I'm treatment resistant and I do what I have to do.

And yes, there is a theory called the kindling theory. If you don't treat your disease it will increase in severity. As you get older it will probably get worse no matter what we do.

There is tons of antipsychiatry out there these days. Actually it's been around forever. Most follow unfounded radical beliefs. If they want to use another treatment and they are better, why do they feel a need to say everyone else is wrong? Hey, if you're happy go away. I know what works for me and to tell me to stop meds is telling me to buy a .40 caliber gun with hollowpoints.

 

[oxygen thief]

there are a lot of options when it comes to treating mood disorders and as someone who is on psych meds I understand that many people dont want to take them for various reasons. I'm going to have to do more research on that article you posted, psychology today isnt the most reputable source and I like reading the studies for myself

Go to pub med for studies and google psych studies. Psych Today is the people magazine of psychology. LOL

 

[NancyR]

I've been on over 70 meds over a 30 year period, hundreds of combination, it's not easy. I knew a woman that could not get her depression fixed. She went to a specialist on thyroid issues, almost overnight she was so much better. I was tried on T3 I think, nothing.

Yes for me the thyroid meds made a big difference when the others didn't. My dr just ran new blood work yesterday in fact to see about upping my dose on it.

 

[oxygen thief]

Numbing apathy pills!!! LMAO.... That's exactly it. Yes, my anxiety was gone..... but only because I didn't give a damn about ANYTHING... at all.

Psych...How are WE doing on that Prozac?

> Uh, great, I'm still depressed but it doesn't matter.

Psych...Great, I think we've got it. Lets double the dose.

>Whatever

Psych That's the spirit.

One month later

>Hey hows that Prozac doing?

> Not sure. Couldn't get myself to pick up the script.

>Awesome, we need to bump the dose again. Can you get someone to drive you to the pharmacy? I'd like to add a benzo to relax you. If you're in bed you may as well be chill.

>Doc, I can't feel my uh unit, you know? It's down to a single function mechanism, the one that ain't that fun.

>Got a gf?

>No.

>What's the problem?

>Me, beating head against the wall. And I've gained 50 pounds.

> Yes, but you're better.

>My GP didn't think so.

>Well, WE can put you on Adderall. My sister is on it, she's 5'5' amd weighed 180 pounds. She's down to 75 now.

> Beating head against the wall.

 

[Starrlamia]

Go to pub med for studies and google psych studies. Psych Today is the people magazine of psychology. LOL

yup just gotta find the time lol, uni student so i have a ton of things i already need to research :S good news is i have free access too journal articles though

Also, LMAO, sounds like my doc oxygen thief... First they just added meds (was on three at one point) then they upped the dosage of the one I stayed on. *sigh* gotta love the crazymeds (love that website).

 

[oxygen thief]

I'll have to write about a lady psych I saw before my current doc, highly recommend. I'm not a doc and don't claim to be one. But I've researched for years and was on a med forum for ten years. I brought up a guy there, very sharp but couldn't get well. I said it's odd, we seem to have the same type of response to meds.
THATS AN N OF ONE, i'VE SEEN THOUSANDS OF PATIENTS!!!!!! There was one other screaming match. I should have reported her to Texas Medical Examiners board but settled for leaving. Great doc otherwise. No doctor has ever yelled at me and I'm a psych patient. I told her straight up, I think you have issues.

 

[Via!]

Oxygen...keep trying, buddy...do whatever you need to do to get to a good point....I've been there, done that, and brought home the t-shirt...

I will TRY to keep my story short, no promises, tho...

I remember the first time I wanted to commit suicide...I was 6 years old...how sad is it that a six year old child is so depressed, she does not want to live?...I'm almost 60 now...I've not had a manic ride since 2006...and my last depressive episode was ...what time is it right now?

Oh, lord, I used to LOVE my manic episodes...I was strong, I was super-woman...nothing was beyond my reach...nothing I could not do...at one time, even working a full time job, running my own business, AND carrying 20 units at college, on the deans list with a 4.0 average...I did NOT need sleep...but, always, eventually flying so high that the sun melted my wings....and the drop into the abyss of depression would come....down, down, down...to the point of only getting up, changing clothes and going to the grocer or doctor if I was forced to do so...I could not FORCE myself by sheer will to wake up...I slept 20-22 hours a day, waking only to take medication, or to smoke a pack of cigarettes....

In the past 40 years, I've taken every quack cure imaginable...from psychotropics to testosterone....I've finally found the right "cocktail" of medications...and i still fight for my sanity...the most dangerous for me is mania...I can handle a little depression...it's the big swings that kill me...like a pendulum, the higher I fly, the lower I drop when the bottom falls out...no, I'm not "as fun as I used to be"...and yes, I miss "flying"...it was better than any drug I could possibly imagine...I had no cares, everything went my way...or at least that's how I saw it...isn't reality what we make it?

I can only urge you to seek the right drugs, the right life situation, whatever gets you to a good place...there will AWAYS be ups and downs in life...I send my prayers to you, that you find the right balance....not too high...not too low...living a life with gentle happiness and only brief hours of sadness...

 

[oxygen thief]

yup just gotta find the time lol, uni student so i have a ton of things i already need to research :S good news is i have free access too journal articles though

Also, LMAO, sounds like my doc oxygen thief... First they just added meds (was on three at one point) then they upped the dosage of the one I stayed on. *sigh* gotta love the crazymeds (love that website).

Me too. I was on a four drug combo, the 4th was Abilify. I took it at night with two other pills. In under 60 seconds I was projectile vomiting. Tried again the next night, same thing. Called my doc, 'take it an hour later than the others, have a nice day.'

Hey doc I'm on effexor and my feet stink!! Hmm, that's interesting. Let's up the dose. Nooooo.

Then I saw a psychiatrist that pharmacist call easy writers. Doc I think I have AD...Here's a script for 1000 ten mg Ritalin. D*mn.

 

[Mookie]

I appear to be resistant also. Doc added Adderall which helps with the depression and laziness some but it makes me so jittery I have to take more anti-anxiety meds to counterbalance. I recently tried Abilify which seemed to help the depression but I ended up having such bad side effects (just in time for Vapercon darn it) I had to go off of it. So now I'm back to 20mg of prozac and it's not helping so we doubled the dose yesterday. I see the doc next week to check in. Told him I was ready for the Dr. Kevorkian special but he didn't find that very amusing!

 

[flarg]

I guess I'm lucky that of the dozens of psychiatric meds I've been on, I've never had the numbing apathy business. Though also, I am one of the few that I know of who has never tried Prozac. But of course, I have endured the litany of other side effects many other drugs have. Not fun times.

Anyone here ever had electroshock/electroconvulsive therapy? In a 2005 hospital stay, one of the women there was undergoing it. She was really out of it, though, and I never heard her talk.

In a pinch, I like Google Scholar for general random things. I like looking at books this way. Pub Med of course is great, too. Other popular paper/journal search engines are PsycINFO, PsycNET and EBSCOhost, though some you might have to be at a library or have a subscription to access. I've found that some papers you might not be able to access at one site you'll be able to elsewhere. And there's a lot of overlap. But gosh, how cool is it now that you can actually click on the citations and it brings you to that? Mind-blowing. Kids these days, have it so easy! I have no idea how my mom typed her thesis on a typewriter.

I'm a bit afraid with the whole genetic aspect. Generation after generation, on my mom's side, has seen severe mental illness. I'm a female with mental troubles, and from hearing what others have said here I worry about handing off a time-bomb. I'm 28 and know that going off my meds or even lowering them would be a death sentence, and gosh, I have no idea how messed up a baby might be sharing my medicine routine, and then of course combined with my nicotine consumption, so popping one out on my own seems like a no-go. But of course, whatever doesn't break you/kill you makes you stronger, right? I think stronger might just mean there's more layers of cartilage crusted up so that breaks will be even worse if they happen. Though, of course, I also don't feel any desire for offspring like many do. I want animals, though. I NEED them. I want a puppy. Anyone have free puppies for me?

 

[flarg]

I appear to be resistant also. Doc added Adderall which helps with the depression and laziness some but it makes me so jittery I have to take more anti-anxiety meds to counterbalance. I recently tried Abilify which seemed to help the depression but I ended up having such bad side effects (just in time for Vapercon darn it) I had to go off of it. So now I'm back to 20mg of prozac and it's not helping so we doubled the dose yesterday. I see the doc next week to check in. Told him I was ready for the Dr. Kevorkian special but he didn't find that very amusing!

I feel bad about taking Adderall, and it's all because of public views and whatnot, which influence family/friends views. But really, it helps me a whole lot. I feel sad without it. And of course there's the regular effects it's supposed to be beneficial for. But it really does help my mood. I had a friend who would take her Adderall in combination with Clonopin for the same situation you describe, Mookie. I feel there must be a better solution, though. Perhaps trying a different prescription stimulant might help? There's so many new ones. But I don't know.

I was going to try adding Abilify a few years back, since upping the Risperdal couldn't be done and I was getting some major ticks and who the hell likes Risperdal to begin with, but then my doctor was talking to some colleagues and comparing I guess my profile with some others it seemed like Lamictal might be the better way to go, if I was willing. I was all, 'whatever, I'm not going to be around much longer anyway,' or something like that, but really, Lamictal was what has saved me. It has helped with mood swings and racing thoughts and whatnot, and I feel it helps the Effexor work more effectively. Been on Effexor maybe 10 years now and Lamictal maybe 6. Currently on 200mg Lamictal, 200mg Effexor XR (I have to use the name-brand for Effexor, the generic causes me intestinal issues), and Adderall 20mgx3/day (though I usually only take 2, and I use the tablets since they're cheaper and feel I have more control over it since I can break them up and whatnot). So, I don't know if Lamictal or a similar drug could be in your discussion, but I just thought I'd offer what's been working for me for a couple years now.

Also, my "mood swings" were basically being depressed and then super-duper-depths-of-despair-flailing-on-the-floor-screaming-trying-to-rip-out-my-heart depressed. Also some blips of everyone's-out-to-get-me, I'm-on-to-the-secret-of-the-universe, and whatever else came up. Sometimes meant sleeping on park-benches in winter in Boston seeing if I could get attacked, or suddenly galavanting with a Craiglist stranger in Providence... Though those later ones, however painful and harmful they might've been, did help creativity-wise I suppose. But I feel I can dip into those waters whenever I want, I just chose to stay dry for the time being, especially since rip-tides can pull me in.

 

[Mookie]

@Flarg, thanks for all the websites. Now if I actually had the concentration and enough brains left to research and comprehend it I would - LOL!

Would you ever consider adopting a dog from a rescue shelter? We adopted a ten month old puppy a couple years ago. He has ended up bringing me so much love and joy. I also just feel good knowing that I saved from a high-kill shelter. There is nothing like the unconditional love an animal brings to your life.

 

[Starrlamia]

oxygen- oh geez, despite their medical training and specialty in abnormal psychology they sure as hell dont seem to understand mood disorders and medications at all. I never actually ended up going to a psychiatrist, my family doc was the one prescribing me meds, which at the time I started didnt care because I was so desperate for something to work. Now I just dont care nor can focus for long enough to get a referal and wait the few months to actually get in to see one (the only downside to socialized health care...).

Flarg- I am a doula and hopefully soon to be student midwife, if you ever need info on specific meds in regards to pregnancy and breastfeeding let me know, I have a few resources up my sleeve.

Also, for anyone else, if there is a journal article you want complete access too just let me know, I am a student so get access to almost everything and can easily email them to you

 

[Starrlamia]

Oxygen...keep trying, buddy...do whatever you need to do to get to a good point....I've been there, done that, and brought home the t-shirt...

I will TRY to keep my story short, no promises, tho...

I remember the first time I wanted to commit suicide...I was 6 years old...how sad is it that a six year old child is so depressed, she does not want to live?...I'm almost 60 now...I've not had a manic ride since 2006...and my last depressive episode was ...what time is it right now?

Oh, lord, I used to LOVE my manic episodes...I was strong, I was super-woman...nothing was beyond my reach...nothing I could not do...at one time, even working a full time job, running my own business, AND carrying 20 units at college, on the deans list with a 4.0 average...I did NOT need sleep...but, always, eventually flying so high that the sun melted my wings....and the drop into the abyss of depression would come....down, down, down...to the point of only getting up, changing clothes and going to the grocer or doctor if I was forced to do so...I could not FORCE myself by sheer will to wake up...I slept 20-22 hours a day, waking only to take medication, or to smoke a pack of cigarettes....

In the past 40 years, I've taken every quack cure imaginable...from psychotropics to testosterone....I've finally found the right "cocktail" of medications...and i still fight for my sanity...the most dangerous for me is mania...I can handle a little depression...it's the big swings that kill me...like a pendulum, the higher I fly, the lower I drop when the bottom falls out...no, I'm not "as fun as I used to be"...and yes, I miss "flying"...it was better than any drug I could possibly imagine...I had no cares, everything went my way...or at least that's how I saw it...isn't reality what we make it?

I can only urge you to seek the right drugs, the right life situation, whatever gets you to a good place...there will AWAYS be ups and downs in life...I send my prayers to you, that you find the right balance....not too high...not too low...living a life with gentle happiness and only brief hours of sadness...

just wanted to give you a *hug*, never been manic but suffered from severe depression as a child, I remember writing a suicide note at age 8. It is unbelievable and hurts my heart knowing that kids can feel that badly.