Chit Chattin away!

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librarising

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That's fine. Apologize. They'll still get the conditioning aspects of it even if you're polite. -Magnus

That brought to mind an action of mine I'm not proud of. When my older son was about 3 years old, he discovered he could use his teeth as a weapon. I became so frustrated with him, timeouts didn't work, nothing worked and one day he bit me and I bit him back..not too hard but enough to hurt him. I wept afterward, but he never bit again.
 

MagnusEunson

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Magnus, the posts I've mentioned didn't seem to deal with the man's emotions but with their displeasure with their spouse's actions, using exact instances. Perhaps for men, that is as far as most will go with their expressing their emotions?

The fact that you'd not consider those emotions reinforced my point. You broke it down to a specific displeasure over actions. Move one Lego, and the guy would've been happy sort of thing.

I really don't recall women on this board actively discussing their displeasure with their spouses to the degree that men have.

That I don't really know, I've seen threads that are more general (like the E-cig switching thread for one) that seems to build on momentum in one direction or another for a while. I've never mentally kept score but you could be entirely correct. I was commenting on a general dynamic in society I see, not really ECF.

As to wishing to know both sides to a story. Why not?

I wasn't disputing the desire to do so. I was saying that women seem more interested in learning both sides of a story than they are in letting "their man" do the same. At least in couple on couple friendships.

And I think those two combined dynamics actually further exasperate the problem.

Let me try to provide an "opposite" example... do you ever feel like your man is trying to "fix" everything? He doesn't answer your questions or he does't really listen deeply to what you're saying? He responds with "solutions" to a problem that may or may not exist or even if it does, you're not looking for solutions, you're looking for ~empathy~?

That's men trying to project their emotional safeguards and pragmatic boundaries onto the women they're with... at least that's what I think.

So again, I say... is it really that compartmentalized? Basically I'm saying it's probably best never to observe a criticism of anybody else's emotions if you want them to actually come to an understanding of each other. "Invalidating" or observing the "quality" of emotions is a sure fire way to cause them to isolate.

Again, that's what I think..... and I could be completely off my rocker. -Magnus
 

librarising

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Magnus, I was talking mostly about this thread.

Let me try to provide an "opposite" example... do you ever feel like your man is trying to "fix" everything? He doesn't answer your questions or he does't really listen deeply to what you're saying? He responds with "solutions" to a problem that may or may not exist or even if it does, you're not looking for solutions, you're looking for ~empathy~?

That's men trying to project their emotional safeguards and pragmatic boundaries onto the women they're with... at least that's what I think.

So again, I say... is it really that compartmentalized? Basically I'm saying it's probably best never to observe a criticism of anybody else's emotions if you want them to actually come to an understanding of each other. "Invalidating" or observing the "quality" of emotions is a sure fire way to cause them to isolate.

Again, that's what I think..... and I could be completely off my rocker. -Magnus

Classic men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Whereas, men display their love by fixing and women just want to be cuddled. Ironically, when friends ask me for assistance, I try both to find real life solutions for their problems and also offer emotional support..although I think real life solutions are the way to go as I'm a problem solver.
 

BiancaMontgomery

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Woo Hoo Lynlee! :D If you don't have 18350's, get some, they last a bit longer than the 16340's that were sold with it on classies. :) Loved mine, hope you love yours! I'd sitll have it if I didn't pick up the Genesis. Didn't see the need to have two 5v's and a VV Tekk....too bad my Tekk went wonky after I sold Goldie. =\ Dems da breaks I guess.

Sooo, we spent most of the day at the lake today. I'm happy to be home and out of the sun...drinking a beer while my girls are at the pet store. Really hope my baby goes to sleep early!

Hope all of PIF is doing well today (((PIF)))!
 

daisyd

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Magnus, I was talking mostly about this thread.



Classic men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

Whereas, men display their love by fixing and women just want to be cuddled. Ironically, when friends ask me for assistance, I try both to find real life solutions for their problems and also offer emotional support..although I think real life solutions are the way to go as I'm a problem solver.

Gosh, it's almost like you have Libra as a rising sign or something. ;) FTR, I'm the same way. I can see both sides of any argument.

Magnus - I never thought men didn't have as deep of feelings as women (except maybe my dad, because that was the front he put up.) I have known, and still know, many men who are very good at verbalizing their feelings (to me, not necessarily their wives BTW. I think many men still have an underlying urge to come off as the big bad provider who protects the women.) My dh, on the other hand, very rarely expresses true emotion (as in what's under the anger that generally causes the need for a talk) to me. I take this as the same conclusion I've come to with other men I know. He doesn't want to express it with me. I do not forbid him from talking to anyone either though. That's just plain silly chick crap, if you ask me. Of course, dh says he married me because I'm not a "chick".
 
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librarising

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Gosh, it's almost like you have Libra as a rising sign or something. ;) FTR, I'm the same way. I can see both sides of any argument.

In making decisions it can be almost paralyzing but once I do, my stubborn sun Scorpio kicks in and digs in behind my position! Laughing! :) Wishing you the best evening Daisy. :)

(finished with work and going to crawl back under my blankie)
 

trouble2k

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LOL - I'm still pondering a Hog mod for 1 yr anniversary.

Do it!! You won't regret it:) The only word I've been able to come up w/ for it is AWESOME. It's like a little hybrid of the Phidias and Woodvil. He does great work and puts a lot of heart into them.
 
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