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Twas The Night Before Christmas
(Dieters Version)
Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips, we're Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care, in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and in her chin straps, had just settled down to sugar-born naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew in a flash, tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, a marzipan Santa and eight chocolate reindeer. That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick, I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet coated Santa, those sugared reindeer, I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear: "On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS. A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall. Now dash away pounds, now dash away all." Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to night dress, my clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly, they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a word but went straight to work, ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned. I cried " if temptations removed I'll get thin by and by." And I mumbled again as I turned in for the night. "in the morning I'll starve.......till I take the first bite!"
(Dieters Version)
Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips, we're Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care, in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and in her chin straps, had just settled down to sugar-born naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew in a flash, tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, a marzipan Santa and eight chocolate reindeer. That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick, I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet coated Santa, those sugared reindeer, I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear: "On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS. A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall. Now dash away pounds, now dash away all." Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to night dress, my clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly, they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a word but went straight to work, ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned. I cried " if temptations removed I'll get thin by and by." And I mumbled again as I turned in for the night. "in the morning I'll starve.......till I take the first bite!"
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