CONTEST - WIN A NEW INNOKIN LEA or LEO Cartomizer - WHITESTAGVAPOR.COM
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The dim gray Lea is sooo sexy!! Everyone here on ECF is amazing, so giving and kind, you all deserve to win so I wish you all the best of luck. 
First one for Thursday:
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!
Second one for Thursday:
BANNED FROM K- MART........ ...
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO............ .
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men, he found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out..
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she
loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from
her local K -Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented
by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on lay a way.
6... September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a
carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it
as a mirror while he picked his nose...
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
"Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least ..
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
BANNED FROM K- MART........ ...
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO............ .
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men, he found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out..
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she
loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from
her local K -Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented
by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on lay a way.
6... September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a
carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it
as a mirror while he picked his nose...
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
"Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least ..
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
I don't want to take up two spots...
Batman is funny and the cat one is just funny weird...
This is just include for safty reasons...
Batman is funny and the cat one is just funny weird...
This is just include for safty reasons...
I hate to say it, but I was all fired up to try to win the Lea or even a Leo cartomizer kit. I started that way but I have really enjoyed this thread. It was great coming home from work and reading all the great jokes. Thanks everyone and good luck
Well we have no choice but to wait and see.
Where do you guys find all these AWESOME emoticons? Lovin it!!!
I have to say... reading these was way too much fun.
There are lots of good ones, lots I've heard or seen before.
And lots that knocked my socks off.
I know who the first place winner is, solely because they posted 2 that literally had me crying from laughter.
Let me search through one more time for the second place winner (there may be more than one).
There are lots of good ones, lots I've heard or seen before.
And lots that knocked my socks off.
I know who the first place winner is, solely because they posted 2 that literally had me crying from laughter.
Let me search through one more time for the second place winner (there may be more than one).
First the Honorable Mentions:
TomCatt #102 - Curly (video)
Classwife #56 - Twin Babies (video)
Bakersuds #190 - Making a Baby
There are no prizes for Honorable Mentions, but you all deserve a big pat on the back. You made me laugh hard.
Now, Tied for Second Place (and you both will receive a Leo Cartomizer)
Freakstylie, for entries #38 (be like mommy), #65 (Dog Tease) and #128 (Mom Song)
and
SpaceKitty for entries #130 (car chase) and #223 (LA County Fair)
I want everyone to know Freakstylie and SpaceKitty went above and beyond, had me roaring outloud and I found their entries extremely hilarious.
And now, for the Grand Prize winner of a new Lea starter set is...
CGRL!
CGRL's entry #245 Banned from K-mart had me on the floor. I had tears in my eyes and could not stop laughing. This is exactly the kind of thing I DO when I am bored in department stores.
CGRL's clincher posts #115 (saying goodbye to mother) and #164 (wrong email) also had me busting my gut.
Will the First and Second place winners send me a PM (Or I'll send you one).
Congratulations to the winners for making me cry from laughter, and to all those who participated in one VERY entertaining thread. I had a blast reading these every day.
I hope to do more contests soon, so stay tuned.
Please, check out my site when you can, sign up for my newsletter.
TomCatt #102 - Curly (video)
Classwife #56 - Twin Babies (video)
Bakersuds #190 - Making a Baby
There are no prizes for Honorable Mentions, but you all deserve a big pat on the back. You made me laugh hard.
Now, Tied for Second Place (and you both will receive a Leo Cartomizer)
Freakstylie, for entries #38 (be like mommy), #65 (Dog Tease) and #128 (Mom Song)
and
SpaceKitty for entries #130 (car chase) and #223 (LA County Fair)
I want everyone to know Freakstylie and SpaceKitty went above and beyond, had me roaring outloud and I found their entries extremely hilarious.
And now, for the Grand Prize winner of a new Lea starter set is...
CGRL!
CGRL's entry #245 Banned from K-mart had me on the floor. I had tears in my eyes and could not stop laughing. This is exactly the kind of thing I DO when I am bored in department stores.
CGRL's clincher posts #115 (saying goodbye to mother) and #164 (wrong email) also had me busting my gut.
Will the First and Second place winners send me a PM (Or I'll send you one).
Congratulations to the winners for making me cry from laughter, and to all those who participated in one VERY entertaining thread. I had a blast reading these every day.
I hope to do more contests soon, so stay tuned.
Please, check out my site when you can, sign up for my newsletter.
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