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My 18 year old son just got a job with his GF grandfathers business, he got a company truck and was so proud. I said son you got a company truck cause your dating the company granddaughter DUH! what older gentleman that has lived life is gonna trust an 18 year old boy, especially since he knows his driving history,!!!!!
So three men arrive at the pearly gates of Heaven. The gates open and an angel steps forward. The angel looks at the first man and says "What happened to you? How did you die?"
The man, who is horribly disfigured and bruised and covered in blood, says, "Well, I was delivering a package and this refrigerator fell out of the sky and squashed me."
The angel says "you may pass on," and the man passes through the gates.
The second man steps forward and the angel says,"How did you come here?"
The man says, "I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I rushed home on my lunch break hoping to catch her. She was naked in bed, and I knew there must be another man there hiding, so I tore our apartment apart. But I couldn't find him! I got so mad that I picked up the refrigerator and threw it out the window. I must have had a heart attack and died."
The angel looked thoughtful and said, "You must visit the judge. You may pass through and take your first left." And the second man passed through the gates and turned left.
The third man was in the worst shape of all. He looked terrible, and the angel asked, "What in the world happened to you?"
The man said, "Well, I was hiding in this refrigerator..."
The man, who is horribly disfigured and bruised and covered in blood, says, "Well, I was delivering a package and this refrigerator fell out of the sky and squashed me."
The angel says "you may pass on," and the man passes through the gates.
The second man steps forward and the angel says,"How did you come here?"
The man says, "I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I rushed home on my lunch break hoping to catch her. She was naked in bed, and I knew there must be another man there hiding, so I tore our apartment apart. But I couldn't find him! I got so mad that I picked up the refrigerator and threw it out the window. I must have had a heart attack and died."
The angel looked thoughtful and said, "You must visit the judge. You may pass through and take your first left." And the second man passed through the gates and turned left.
The third man was in the worst shape of all. He looked terrible, and the angel asked, "What in the world happened to you?"
The man said, "Well, I was hiding in this refrigerator..."
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a zebra in the front seat. "What are you doing with that zebra?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo." The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the zebra again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. "I thought you were going to take that zebra to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
Thanks for the contest
Thanks for the contest
when NASA scientists figured out that ballpoint pens didn't work in space they spent $12 billion and a decade to make one that works in zero gravity, under water, on any surface including glass, and up to 300 degrees Celsius.
the Russians used a pencil
the Russians used a pencil
There once was a man from Nantucket,
he was very pleasant and we had a lovely chat.
he was very pleasant and we had a lovely chat.
short one here....... yo momma's so fat her picture frame fell off the wall!!!!! thanks for the contest sagewood
Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
Because it's a little meteor.
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate
their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some very bad news... Our engines have ceased
functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an
uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on
the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the
island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our VISA
and MasterCard bills yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our
American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the estimate check to the
IRS this quarter ?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some very bad news... Our engines have ceased
functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an
uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on
the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the
island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our VISA
and MasterCard bills yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our
American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the estimate check to the
IRS this quarter ?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
The contest is over, and the lucky winner, with post #34, is:
levisdaddy!!!
Congratulations, and thanks to all who entered this contest! Your participation and contributions are appreciated!
Remember to visit us at [url]www.sagewoodglass.com[/URL] if you're interested in any of our other fine hand blown glass PV accessories! Thanks so much!
levisdaddy!!!
Congratulations, and thanks to all who entered this contest! Your participation and contributions are appreciated!
Remember to visit us at [url]www.sagewoodglass.com[/URL] if you're interested in any of our other fine hand blown glass PV accessories! Thanks so much!
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