Depressed and disappointed with myself. What's wrong with me?!?

[mattoci667]

I love electronic cigs. I love trying the different flavors, the different atties and batteries, the cleaning and maintaining equipment, etc. I love the whole process. But for some reason, my dumb ... keeps going back to the real thing, even though I HATE them. I don't understand.
I bought my first ecig in June of 2010. Used it for a week and went back to analogs. I tried another, the Vapor King, and again, I was on and off. January 1st, 2011, I decided this was it, like everyone else when they have tons of new years hopes. I bought an Ego and fell in love with it from day one, I just knew this was it. I made it 2 weeks, longer than I've ever made it without slipping up. I hated the smell of analogs and everything was going really well. Day 15, I played a show with my band and I'm so used to having a cigarette when I get off stage, I went ahead and said who cares, I'll probably hate the taste anyway, I'll let myself have it. I lit up...hated the taste, hated the way it stuck in my mouth and I drank tea, ate food, everything I could do to try and get that nasty taste out of my mouth. I convinced myself that after that, there's NO WAY I would go back to analogs, and even felt good about slipping up and reminding myself how nasty analogs really are.....fast forward 3 days and I'm buying a pack, completely returning to my old habits and my e-cig is sitting in my room collecting dust. Here's the problem...I have no idea why. I honestly don't. I used to smoke 3 packs a day, which I slowly cut down to around 2, and then about 1.5 packs per day. As soon as I bought that pack, I went back to my old habits and I've been smoking around a pack a day since then. I don't understand why, even though I love ecigs much more, they taste way better and I feel like .... when I smoke analogs, I keep going back!?? I'm so disappointed in myself and not only do I feel like a failure, I feel like a dumbass, because I don't understand for the life of me why I'm doing this to myself when I hate the cost, smell, taste, and hassle of analogs. Anyone got any advice or input or anything? Thanks in advance for any replies.

 

[hairball]

Sounds to me like you need higher nic. Try 24-36mg the next time you order. You need to learn to fight the cravings and don't give in so easy. I hope you continue to try.

 

[passerbyeus]

It is a very hard battle for some.... I have been smoking since a horrible young age and been full time e-cigs for going three months and I still have atleast 1 cig a day, do not be hard on yourself and in time it will work out for you, I would try the higher nic for those real hard times....

 

[mattoci667]

Thanks for the replies! Only problem is I already use 24mg lol. I had some 36mg but it was so strong I couldn't even taste it, just felt the hit with no flavor, although I did like the hit. The hit of 24mg is good and strong but somehow I'm still not satisfied. I don't know whats up with me! Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[Ardeagold]

Just grab the ecig when you get that urge. And if you can pinpoint what kicks it in, have a pv (or a cart/carto) ready with the higher nic for just those times.

Take the time to sit down and really enjoy that vape. The urge will go away pretty quickly that way!

Good luck!

 

[debb]

have you tried havana gold from alien visions? good strong tobacco ...

 

[IOU]

Actually, there are many chemicals in analogs that might have you craving. Although higher nic might help the cravings, there are still a lot of other chemicals you just are not getting when you vape. I smoked 38 years and I do understand what you are going through. The best advice I can give you is to vape yourself into a stupor! Vape all the time. When you get those cravings for analogs concentrate on all the things you hate about them and vape some more.
Don't kick yourself for going back to the analogs, and don't feel like you failed. This takes patients and time. If you continue to try, you will succeed!

 

[Hotwire]

Thing is you don't hate analogues, you hate the fact you can't quit them.

I'm the same I still smoke and I've been trying to just vape for 6 weeks now but it really isn't as satisfying. Will be trying some new flavours that match my favorite flavors of things in real life (Coffee, caramel, tobacco and cherry) and see if that helps. The juices I currently have suck and I really think finding good juices is the key to success as noi matter how high the nic if the flavor is boring I am just not satisfied.

I think one needs to find many juices they like too as whereas all the chemicals in the tobacco cigs (especially the MAOIs) satisfy everytime even though the taste is the same everytime - nicotine alone is not that satisfying (for me at least) so you need to mix up the flavors to please the pallete, just like you don't eat the same food everyday. Of course that can be a pita (I don't enjoy all the cleaning and maintenance at all) and be costly as you need lots of juice orders, several attys, carts / cartos for each flavor etc...

I'm going to give it a serious shot when my new juices come in and if that fails back to the old Dunhills and take the roll of the dice.

 

[Katya]

For some people, nicotine alone is not enough. Cigarette smoke contains whole tobacco alkaloids that are absent in e-cigs. Have you considered snus (I particularly like the Swedish snus, but American snus is readily available) or dissolvable tobacco like Ariva or Stonewall? You may stop by at the Smokeless Forum and ask around. That's the place for people who use other harm reduction products; in conjunction with with vaping or exclusively. Good luck!

 

[Hotwire]

I am going to give snus a shot. Thanks for the suggestion Katya!

Can you get it online? Where is a good site to buy from?

 

[Katya]

I like those two, but I'm not sure what the shipping rates are to S. Korea. Have you tried any tobacco shops locally? Maybe they carry snus?

Anyway, I recommend any of the mini white portions for starters, I like the General mini mint and the Thunder Frosted. Good luck.

Mini Snus - Buy Snus at SnusCentral.com. It's the Best Place to Get Snus !

The Northerner, White Mini Portion Snus

 

[Pipeous]

I understand the feeling and it's my first day. I got ry4. I wasn't sure at first but now as the day goes I am finding it has such an odd aftertaste. the vg is fairly low too. tons of throat hit but I don't think I can get past the taste. I've had 4 analogs today, which for me is a lot less than normal by far (that's usually my first hour's daily intake for a day LOL). I am glad I ordered a bunch of flavours to DIY, and will probably add some flavour and vg to this stuff so I don't waste it (and I allready filled a second tank)... I even ordered ry4 flavouring to make this stronger if needed but it doesn't need more flavour, just needs something else. I'll mix up some licorice I think as I absolutely live for licorice and should make me feel different...

on a side note I do notice I don't much like the taste of the analogs anymore and have taken one out many times today just to put it back and grab the vape instead... so I feel this setup is going to be a winner once I find a flavour I like. can't wait for my passthrough to arrive so I can try dripping to test flavours rather than fill a whole tank.

 

[throatkick]

Hi.
Assuming that's your picture in the avatar, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you are a relatively young person.
I smoked 3 ppd as well but am 40 now. I could no longer say "ah...what the heck!" My breathing was seriously impaired and I knew that vaping was the only painless way out. This is probably what has made it so easy for me. Plus, I actually really like vaping.

Main idea being, (and assuming my whole assumption about you being approx 20-25 is true) the trick is to be able to realize what will most probably happen and try to avoid it prior to it happening. We all think we will be the "one" to make it out unharmed. I know I did or else I wouldn't have polluted myself for 25 years they way I did.

I have a friend that simply lights an analog but vapes as the analog burns. Just for effect type thing. New analogs go out rather quick (FSC) but the smell lingers. Seems to be helping him. Everyone's different.

All the best!

 

[starrynight]

Awww I am sorry you are feeling this way , trust me you are surrounded by people who have been -and are still, in the same boat. You just hang in there and I am sure you will find what works best for you.

There is nothing at all wrong with you, quite the opposite. You are an intelligent young man trying to conquer a very strong and powerful beast , keep your sword high and stay in the fight. It may not be today, but that is ok, just the fact that you are trying shows you are in the zone and you will get there. Hang in there and keep posted, write , play your music, just be you...

 

[drew_devereaux]

Don't be so hard on yourself. I smoked for 20+ years and absolutely loved it--until I didn't anymore. I'm in my late 30s and really didn't want to be a smoker in my 40s, but I do miss it (yesterday was my 30th day without a cigarette). I'm not sure I would or could have quit at your age, and I admire you for trying. My best advice, as others have stated, is to have your PV ready when you feel the urge. Recognize your triggers--coming off stage, having a drink, etc. and be prepared for them so they don't just wash over you and you decide, "Oh, the hell with it. I'll just smoke." Good luck and visit the forums often for encouragement.

 

[Uma]

I feel for you, it's such a pain to go through times like that. The Snus will help with the extra nicotine you need now and then due to stress or hypersensitive moments such as being on stage. Also, another thought that might help you to stick with the vape you love, is to try a stronger attomizer like the Cisco LR 510 or Joye LR 510 or Boge LR Cartomizers on your eGo. That will produce more vapor and sometimes that extra vapor is the "satisfying" part of smoking. The LR (low resistance) simulates 5v vaping without having to buy the 5v mod before we've tried it out. Good luck and get out there and kick some ....!
P.S. Be nicer to your best friend, he's really doing his best y'know. He doesn't deserve to be nitpicked to pieces, he's his own man and he's just trying to get his vape on.

 

[Mark Mayhew]

I was going to say the same thing, about his age/being young. I'm 48 and I was starting to feel the effects of 20+ years of smoking analogs (when I found e-cigs and now smoke just two analogs per day (down from a pack a day)

Hi.
Assuming that's your picture in the avatar, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you are a relatively young person.
I smoked 3 ppd as well but am 40 now. I could no longer say "ah...what the heck!" My breathing was seriously impaired and I knew that vaping was the only painless way out. This is probably what has made it so easy for me. Plus, I actually really like vaping.

Main idea being, (and assuming my whole assumption about you being approx 20-25 is true) the trick is to be able to realize what will most probably happen and try to avoid it prior to it happening. We all think we will be the "one" to make it out unharmed. I know I did or else I wouldn't have polluted myself for 25 years they way I did.

I have a friend that simply lights an analog but vapes as the analog burns. Just for effect type thing. New analogs go out rather quick (FSC) but the smell lingers. Seems to be helping him. Everyone's different.

All the best!

 

[mattoci667]

Thanks so much to everyone who has replied with your input and encouragement, it really means a lot and it does help! By the way, yes it's me in the picture, I'm 22 and I've been smoking since I was 18. I was a pretty heavy smoker from the start, smoking 3 packs a day and on the day I played my first ever live show, I was so nervous I smoked 4 packs. Ridiculous eh!?? I will definitely keep coming back to the forums and I really appreciate all your help, it definitely makes me think more on why it is that I want to quit and makes me want to focus more on the reasons to keep fighting, not the reasons to go back. I am one of the ones thinking I'll be the lucky one. I used to argue that I saw people 90 years old smoking away with no problem but for one thing, that's far and few between, and also, there weren't quite as many chemicals and added nicotine in cigarettes back in the day so it probably didn't catch up with them the way it will this generation in the coming years, though I may be completely wrong. I imagine that FSC will have it's affect, considering I read that it causes an increase of carbon dioxide by up to 13% per cigarette. It sucks anyway, I hate the way it made my cigarettes taste and how they go out, you can't even enjoy them when you're having to huff them down just to keep them lit! I have a feeling that it's going to be a pretty long road to being completely nicotine free, as I plan on eventually letting ecigs go, too.

By the way, on a side note, I'm not trying to be negative and I'm not sure if this is actually true, but it did give me quite a bit of a scare. I've noticed since I've been vaping like crazy that sometimes my vision is a little weird, like when you first wake up and your eyes haven't cleared and adjusted to the light yet, and it feels like I've got something in my eye so I have to wipe my eyes a good bit and my vision is blurry at times....imagine the lump in my throat when I read the other day that vaping has possibly been linked to cataracts! I read the article AFTER I had already noticed the difference in my eyes so I know that it's not just because I read it and convinced myself that it was true. I don't see where the relation would be but it's very well possible. Not to be negative nancy, lol, but just in case you guys haven't heard, I'd at least look it up and read through the article. I can't find the link at the moment but if I come back across it, I'll be sure to post it! Thanks so much again, everyone!

 

[bluebelle]

Wow. I know exactly how you are feeling. I have been disappointed in myself the last few weeks as well.

Was so happy that I finally achieved before the holidays my first analog free 24 hour period in almost 35 years. Was 2-3 PAD smoker. Went a whole week without one. Never went that long without and I have tried everything to quit over the years.

Then I decided to "treat" myself over the holidays (Christmas) to having a few "real" cigarettes. Was prepared to find them nasty, smelly, etc. Quite the contrary for me. Once an addict, always an addict.

Have been smoking on and off since then along with vaping. Not smoking as much as I used to, but am still smoking everyday. Always going to stop "tomorrow" and get back on the vaping wagon, a tomorrow which by the way never comes.

Been vaping 24 mg. Did just order a tobacco flavor in 30 mg to help with these cravings. Hope to have it tomorrow.

Read this thread and your struggle with interest and sympathy. I live with my youngest daughter (she is around your age and unfortunately is not interested in quitting like you are) and she smokes. Makes it more difficult for me but it is doable. I refuse to become the smoking police or make her feel bad about smoking in her own home, society has made pariahs out of smokers as it is.

This is my struggle, not hers. Hope she does see the light someday. Perhaps if I make it this time it will inspire her.

As I type this have 5 analogs in the pack I bought myself Friday.

After reading this, I am making a real promise to myself (and I am a woman of my word) that those will be the last 5 I smoke.

Thank you for posting about your struggle. It is a long road, but every journey starts with a single step. Going to start my journey again today.

 

[Joey S]

Keep at it and don't give up. You said that you went from 3 PAD to 1 PAD, that's an accomplishment. 3 Packs is a lot of analogs and it will take your body a while to get used to them not being there. Be patient and don't be too upset with yourself when/if you slip.