THIS IS OT....VERY, VERY, VERY OT...IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ OT, STOP NOW!
Okay, so you may all think I’ve been MIA for a while. While this may seem true, I have actually been in hiding. A series of events led to my cover being blown and my noctural “walleye fishing” excursions had To be terminated. I’ve been holed up in my underground septic tank/safe room for 4 months. You may ask “ But JD, aren’t you just a regular up north fishin’ country boy?”. Actually it would be easier to just let you believe that. Ignorance is bliss. Alas, I cannot deceive you all any longer. It’s been reported widely now and you’ve probably seen the fallout, so subterfuge is no longer necessary. The truth is that the Llamas have been found out and they recently boarded the mothership and headed back to their home world; Wooly Bully 3. I can’t tell you exactly where it is as we just don’t know. My best guess is that you take right at Jupiter and keep going til you see a black hole. It should be the 3rd planet on your left. The one with the blue mailbox. If you see the restaurant at the end of the universe, you’ve gone too far.
I should have suspected something was up when the fish quit biting. I never get skunked! That’s Nelson the super beagles job. (he’s been sprayed 3 times this summer!) When the owls hooted the tune of “Come Sail Away”, the jig was up. So, I’m left compiling data from years of mind melded communications with the ornery alien members of the genus Camelus. Sadly, I am missing key bits of information that are crucial to what they were trying to convey. So far it seems they were issuing a dire warning that silly putty can lead to stronger addictions or that the Dairy Queen foot long chili cheese dog is the bees knees. That just can’t be the message. I was so sure it had more importance! Nelson concurs and he’s been sifting thru the Llama dung looking for clues. At least I think that’s what he’s doing. He may just be rolling in it cause that’s what beagles do! Regardless, we may never know the true meaning of the visit to our small slice of the solar system. I do feel blessed to have had the time I did with the goofy spitting creatures.
So, life has returned to the normal routine of watching and decoding the turtle movements and frog talk translation. Believe me a croak is not a croak! I’m still doing important work, it’s just no longer extraterrestrial, as far as I can tell. You never know about beavers. Those tails have alien presence written all over ‘em. Nelson has taken to following scent trails without fear of disintegration again. His implants are still there, but there are no transmissions and he seems okay with that. He still howls crazily whenever I play Air Supply tunes on my xylophone, but who doesn’t?!?
On a very positive note, I’ve been able to remove the gold plated rhubarb from my roof as I no longer need the shielding. I’m fairly certain the probe waves have ceased. That’s a relief, I can tell you. No more waking up naked by the pond, covered in rancid bear grease and owl feathers! But, that’s another story for another time.
I hope you are all blissfully unaware of the goings on in your neck of the woods. Trust me, it’s better that way. You don’t want to know. It’s a burden I and a few other souls will bear for you, so you can live in contentment.
As always, your galactic sentinel,
JD
PS – Stay away from the Hot Pockets!
Okay, so you may all think I’ve been MIA for a while. While this may seem true, I have actually been in hiding. A series of events led to my cover being blown and my noctural “walleye fishing” excursions had To be terminated. I’ve been holed up in my underground septic tank/safe room for 4 months. You may ask “ But JD, aren’t you just a regular up north fishin’ country boy?”. Actually it would be easier to just let you believe that. Ignorance is bliss. Alas, I cannot deceive you all any longer. It’s been reported widely now and you’ve probably seen the fallout, so subterfuge is no longer necessary. The truth is that the Llamas have been found out and they recently boarded the mothership and headed back to their home world; Wooly Bully 3. I can’t tell you exactly where it is as we just don’t know. My best guess is that you take right at Jupiter and keep going til you see a black hole. It should be the 3rd planet on your left. The one with the blue mailbox. If you see the restaurant at the end of the universe, you’ve gone too far.
I should have suspected something was up when the fish quit biting. I never get skunked! That’s Nelson the super beagles job. (he’s been sprayed 3 times this summer!) When the owls hooted the tune of “Come Sail Away”, the jig was up. So, I’m left compiling data from years of mind melded communications with the ornery alien members of the genus Camelus. Sadly, I am missing key bits of information that are crucial to what they were trying to convey. So far it seems they were issuing a dire warning that silly putty can lead to stronger addictions or that the Dairy Queen foot long chili cheese dog is the bees knees. That just can’t be the message. I was so sure it had more importance! Nelson concurs and he’s been sifting thru the Llama dung looking for clues. At least I think that’s what he’s doing. He may just be rolling in it cause that’s what beagles do! Regardless, we may never know the true meaning of the visit to our small slice of the solar system. I do feel blessed to have had the time I did with the goofy spitting creatures.
So, life has returned to the normal routine of watching and decoding the turtle movements and frog talk translation. Believe me a croak is not a croak! I’m still doing important work, it’s just no longer extraterrestrial, as far as I can tell. You never know about beavers. Those tails have alien presence written all over ‘em. Nelson has taken to following scent trails without fear of disintegration again. His implants are still there, but there are no transmissions and he seems okay with that. He still howls crazily whenever I play Air Supply tunes on my xylophone, but who doesn’t?!?
On a very positive note, I’ve been able to remove the gold plated rhubarb from my roof as I no longer need the shielding. I’m fairly certain the probe waves have ceased. That’s a relief, I can tell you. No more waking up naked by the pond, covered in rancid bear grease and owl feathers! But, that’s another story for another time.
I hope you are all blissfully unaware of the goings on in your neck of the woods. Trust me, it’s better that way. You don’t want to know. It’s a burden I and a few other souls will bear for you, so you can live in contentment.
As always, your galactic sentinel,
JD
PS – Stay away from the Hot Pockets!
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