In a speech following his election, Dr. Izia Electricman, a self-described Huguenot, described the major problems of this country, and pledged his full commitment to fixing said problems.
"There exists an axis of no-good in this country," Dr. Electricman began, "and I plan on putting an end to these machinations of the devil."
The Dr. proceeded to outline the so called "axis of no-good:"
"1. Nicotine:.........." (Read: no verbal statement was made. The Dr. only snarled)
"2. Nicotine:.........." (Read: same as above)
"3. Nicotine:.........." (Read: same as above; however, the word was caterwauled)
"4. Electronic cigarettes: The scourge of humanity. I (unintelligible)."
"5. Mt. Dew: Many people consider ......... to be the gateway drug. False. The gateway drug is always Mt. Dew, which should and will be newly classified as a schedule I controlled substance."
"6. Rap music: It's a crime against humanity, and should all be charged with conspiracy to: commit murder, associate with known felons, illegal possession of a firearm, adultery, high treason, arson, and conspiracy to share nuclear secrets with a communist state."
"7. Forest green, and all other variations of my favorite color: There is only one green! Stop diluting it with your stupid, crime-promoting communist derivatives. THERE IS ONLY ONE SHADE OF GREEN AND IT IS GREEN!"
"8. Crayola: Communist organization that will be seized and shut down."
The doctor also contacted Merriam Webster, the world's leading authority on words, and proposed the word "nicotine" be changed to "the-deadly-poison-toxin-pesticide-stupidface-drug-nicotine."
The Non-Associated Press. Full article here
"There exists an axis of no-good in this country," Dr. Electricman began, "and I plan on putting an end to these machinations of the devil."
The Dr. proceeded to outline the so called "axis of no-good:"
"1. Nicotine:.........." (Read: no verbal statement was made. The Dr. only snarled)
"2. Nicotine:.........." (Read: same as above)
"3. Nicotine:.........." (Read: same as above; however, the word was caterwauled)
"4. Electronic cigarettes: The scourge of humanity. I (unintelligible)."
"5. Mt. Dew: Many people consider ......... to be the gateway drug. False. The gateway drug is always Mt. Dew, which should and will be newly classified as a schedule I controlled substance."
"6. Rap music: It's a crime against humanity, and should all be charged with conspiracy to: commit murder, associate with known felons, illegal possession of a firearm, adultery, high treason, arson, and conspiracy to share nuclear secrets with a communist state."
"7. Forest green, and all other variations of my favorite color: There is only one green! Stop diluting it with your stupid, crime-promoting communist derivatives. THERE IS ONLY ONE SHADE OF GREEN AND IT IS GREEN!"
"8. Crayola: Communist organization that will be seized and shut down."
The doctor also contacted Merriam Webster, the world's leading authority on words, and proposed the word "nicotine" be changed to "the-deadly-poison-toxin-pesticide-stupidface-drug-nicotine."
The Non-Associated Press. Full article here
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