HELP Girlfriend (nonsmoker) wants a PV

[SharonMM]

Hey whats good for the goose is good for the gander. If you dont want her to start then YOU need to quit. If you don't then you have no right to deny her. Not that you have a right to deny her either way she's a grown woman. But you'd at least have a basis for your gripe if you quit vaping.

 

[Myrany]

In the end you actually do not have much choice in the matter.

You tell use she has flat told you she is GOING to do it. Your only choices involve how you will react to it when she does.

You can support her and help her find a good setup. That will let the 2 of you turn it into a positive thing that will strengthen the relationship. You can work out a strategy between you as a couple for how to handle the kids on the issue.

or

You can fight her on it tooth and nail and probably destroy the relationship.

Your call

 

[Lerxst]

If she was my GF I would take her on a whirlwind shopping spree and buy her the best device/juice/accessories I could find. Then I would take her out to dinner and vape over desert.

 

[Jfaria1891]

me and my gf of roughly the same time as you and her both vape (we were both smokers when we started dating) and its become something we enjoy together we sit down and look at new mods that come out discuss weather or not its something we would be interested in. i got into DIY juice so now we sit down and browse wizard labs picking out flavor concentrates and then i make juices and have her try them and she enjoys giving me input on them and seeing what i do to try to make them better.

think about it, wouldn't that be nice to do with your girl?

or would right rather fight and bicker at each other over it.

to me. the choice is clear lol.

 

[skyztheLynnit]

I know if it did I would buy a carton.Perhaps you are not sure of the grip vaping has on you? Most of us, I would say 75% of people on this forum would buy cigs tomorrow if everything disappeared. Why get accustomed to sensation of smoking again and addiction to nicotine if you've been so strong for so long?

I am not taking any comments as rude or insensitive. I posted knowing I would get a series of opinions and thats. Iwhat I'm looking for. I'm not trying to be selfish or unfair. Maybe I just don't understand and I want to protect what and who I love.

I know with certainty how much of a grip vaping has on me. I smoked for 20 years.. never intended to quit.. and now that I've been introduced to a much healthier alternative i have ZERO intentions to stop vaping. If it all went away.. I'm pretty sure I'd light up.. but i have some nic set aside just in case.. but this really isn't about me.. this is your issue with your girlfriend.

 

[thinkingaboutit]

I feel responsible for all this as I'm casually puffing away all day long.

I'd bet you are responsible. Look at it from the other side. If she smoked, chances of you picking up a pack would go up exponentially.

 

[zapped]

In the end, people are going to do exactly what the hell they want to do. Your attempt to control the situation and your girlfriend isnt going to end well. Even if she capitulates to your desires she's going to end up resentful.

The only thing you can do in this situation is to help her find a decent kit and suggest 0 nicotine juice. TBH I'm not a fan of non-smokers using PV's myself but people have to be allowed to make their own mistakes every now and again.

Maybe your girlfriend has secretly already been smoking when out with friends and is looking for a better alternative? Help her and support her and if she does go back to smoking then draw the line that she wont be smoking in front of your kids.You might even decide to break up with her over it but no sense crossing that bridge until/if you get there.

You might even find some positives to it like sharing a "hobby" with her and attending vapemeets.Aside from the control issues, you cant possibly predict the outcome of every single situation, good or bad, that comes along. Quite often its our reaction to a situation(s) that determines if its a negative or a positive to begin with.

 

[latexyankee]

I think she should leave you as you obviously don't try to look at things from her perspective. You are allowed to vape to avoid smoking but she isn't. That's just hypocritical.

Comprehension skills are tough, you'll get there

 

[skyztheLynnit]

If she was my GF I would take her on a whirlwind shopping spree and buy her the best device/juice/accessories I could find. Then I would take her out to dinner and vape over desert.

And all the women say "awwww!!!"
I'm so lucky to have the man i have in my life. . He loved me when I was overweight
He loves me when I'm a crazy emotional ....... I'm. Just.Lucky.

 

[latexyankee]

In the end, people are going to do exactly what the hell they want to do. Your attempt to control the situation and your girlfriend isnt going to end well. Even if she capitulates to your desires she's going to end up resentful.

The only thing you can do in this situation is to help her find a decent kit and suggest 0 nicotine juice. TBH I'm not a fan of non-smokers using PV's myself but people have to be allowed to make their own mistakes every now and again.

Maybe your girlfriend has secretly already been smoking when out with friends and is looking for a better alternative? Help her and support her and if she does go back to smoking then draw the line that she wont be smoking in front of your kids.You might even decide to break up with her over it but no sense grossing that bridge until/if you get there.

That looks like the only alternative. I can't help but feel that I am responsible though. I don't like vaping, I enjoy it, but I wish I wasn't chained to a PV all day, fiddling with juices and extra batteries every morning, running out in the middle of the day, .... is a pain. This is what I fear she will fail at even with help and just buy a pack. I'm not trying to control or berate her for the last time. I am trying to explain that it's not worth the hassle and frustration/temptation if you've been as strong as she is.

Thanks for all the replies, still love all my folks at ecf.....Happy 4th.

 

[Jfaria1891]

read every single reply you have gotten, it really should be an eye opener for you.

the way you worded a lot of that made you sound a little controlling but i think your just so dead set on protecting her that your doing a lot more harm then good, and it seems like everyone here see's that but you.

im not trying to be mean at all but at this rate you are chancing loosing the woman you love.

 

[Truncheon]

something about this post seems rather trollish or disingeuous.

you've been vaping for almost 5 years. you live with this woman and her and your kids all watch you vape daily. you've spent $3000 on vaping over the past 4+ years.

so you have no clue about 0 nic? you have no extra PVs/batteries, clearos/cartos/attys or juice for her to try? you're worried she won't want to fiddle with the equipment if she has a problem? as jfaria said, wouldn't you, supposedly, be the expert on that stuff she needs? seems to me, if she has issues with equipment, you should be more than qualified to fix it for her, and if you've spent 3 grand on vaping, you should have plenty of extras to share with her if she doesn't want to fix it but rather use something different. hell, i've only been vaping this time round for less than 3 months and have spent just a smidge over $500, and i have plenty of gear and juice to support me and my GF vaping for maybe the next 6 months or more. and we don't even live together, so she doesn't have access to what i have at my disposal.

the kids thing seems a bit bogus to me, too. i smoked off and on thru my kid's lives, and they know how crummy of a habit it is - my almost 17yo who's into punk/counterculture stuff has no desire to begin smoking, nor vaping. nor do my other kids. my GFs kids gave her holy hell over her smoking, but now that shes vaping, she doesn't hide it from them any longer and they don't say squat. they actually approve of her vaping over smoking.

sorry - not calling you a liar, but something about this story doesn't add up. it's almost as if you're looking for a reason to end things with this woman, and you're using her desire to vape as a justification to do so.

 

[BlkWolfMidnight]

Ok,
Lets break this down in to logic....
So, by your definition is set forth " If I watch my dad drink beer, then I will drink to" or how about " If I see my brother ride a motorcycle, then I will to". The logic of association of habbits is really a false logic, one that is often times uses as a scape goat to hide one's true reasons for doing and or not doing (insert item here).
As for helping your wife, she is an adult and either 1 of 3 options will happen....She will go stir crazy and end up sharing in what you've got, She will get an E-cig at <insert nic lvl here> or end up back on the Cigs. So, I'd say that helping her will do two things, firstly show that you care in her personal affairs and life at this moment, and also support her in her times of need. Reguardless of if you quit for one day or 20 years, you still never loose that urge to smoke as it alters the chemistry of the brain (look it up as numerous studies have been done on it).
So, you have a hobby that helped you quit, isn't the joy of being a vaper yourself is to share in helping others stay off the Cigs? Its not a cool kids only club that you've joined in, its a lifestyle, that has saved lives, so share that responsibly and with others that are in need of assistance.
Breaking it off, what the <censored> are you seriously thinking. I mean really, ok so yes she would like to vape, she came to you, and your...I really don't have a good response for that one except I'd not approve of going that pathway. Selling your stuff wouldn't get any other result other then she would still go out and buy an E-cig (sorry to dissapoint but this is the truth).

Help her out is all I'm going to say.

As for what would happen if all my vape gear dissapeared tomorrow, I'd just not vape. Understand that I'd have a pencil, pen...something to chew on, or bubblegum, but I can live without vaping. Its nothing more for me then an enjoyment activity I do.

 

[zapped]

In the end, people are going to do exactly what the hell they want to do. Your attempt to control the situation and your girlfriend isnt going to end well. Even if she capitulates to your desires she's going to end up resentful.

The only thing you can do in this situation is to help her find a decent kit and suggest 0 nicotine juice. TBH I'm not a fan of non-smokers using PV's myself but people have to be allowed to make their own mistakes every now and again.

Maybe your girlfriend has secretly already been smoking when out with friends and is looking for a better alternative? Help her and support her and if she does go back to smoking then draw the line that she wont be smoking in front of your kids.You might even decide to break up with her over it but no sense crossing that bridge until/if you get there.

You might even find some positives to it like sharing a "hobby" with her and attending vapemeets.Aside from the control issues, you cant possibly predict the outcome of every single situation, good or bad, that comes along. Quite often its our reaction to a situation(s) that determines if its a negative or a positive to begin with.

Just wanted to add that you need to ask yourself how much you love her. Im not at all happy about some of the things my wife does either...she's bi-polar and on medication but still puts herself in situations that I would never in a million years take a chance with. At the end of the day, even if the worst possible outcome occurred would I still love her?

You bet I would! And I would continue to support her as much as I could.

 

[latexyankee]

something about this post seems rather trollish or disingeuous.

you've been vaping for almost 5 years. you live with this woman and her and your kids all watch you vape daily. you've spent $3000 on vaping over the past 4+ years.

so you have no clue about 0 nic? you have no extra PVs/batteries, clearos/cartos/attys or juice for her to try? you're worried she won't want to fiddle with the equipment if she has a problem? as jfaria said, wouldn't you, supposedly, be the expert on that stuff she needs? seems to me, if she has issues with equipment, you should be more than qualified to fix it for her, and if you've spent 3 grand on vaping, you should have plenty of extras to share with her if she doesn't want to fix it but rather use something different. hell, i've only been vaping this time round for less than 3 months and have spent just a smidge over $500, and i have plenty of gear and juice to support me and my GF vaping for maybe the next 6 months or more. and we don't even live together, so she doesn't have access to what i have at my disposal.

the kids thing seems a bit bogus to me, too. i smoked off and on thru my kid's lives, and they know how crummy of a habit it is - my almost 17yo who's into punk/counterculture stuff has no desire to begin smoking, nor vaping. nor do my other kids. my GFs kids gave her holy hell over her smoking, but now that shes vaping, she doesn't hide it from them any longer and they don't say squat. they actually approve of her vaping over smoking.

sorry - not calling you a liar, but something about this story doesn't add up. it's almost as if you're looking for a reason to end things with this woman, and you're using her desire to vape as a justification to do so.

Damn straight I'm an expert, but that doesn't help her at work, when I'm not around, when she forgets stuff in the AM. I can do all I can do but I work 2 jobs and am not there 24/7 to see her through. I am more concerned she will not be SATISFIED with the vape and return to smoking. That is all. I have started, under my supervision, about 30 people vaping. 7 have stuck with it. They have called me, I have loaned gear, I have shown how to's at homes, on skype etc...Sometimes people dont want to play with something for 20 min to see if it works better when they can just light a smoke. Has no one else experienced this trying to convert a friend?

 

[kdubbie]

Just out of curiosity, if impressionable children are your concern, why do you vape in front of them? Kids don't understand the whole, "Do I as I say, not as I do" thing ... If they want to do something, trust me, there is not much you can do to stop them.

Why not be the one who leads by example and not vape in front of them. This this way if your girl starts, she wont vape in front of them either. Yes, that means you will have to change your vaping habits ... But hey, aren't your kids worth it?

Not to say I don't understand your concern ... Only time will tell if her starting vaping becomes a slippery slope to smoking again and of course, smoking isn't good. But she really is an adult and gets to make her own decisions. Let her do what she wants to do ... Stop projecting that she's going to smoke again (you're not psychic) and deal with her smoking when it comes up (if it ever does).

Just my

 

[chellemmm]

I am truly glad I am out of the dating scene. I think I would smash a Provari on your head if you were MY boyfriend and tried to sell me on your "logic."

 

[Hill]

Adults can make there own decisions. She may feel the need & as a free human she has the right. Support her! Encourage her to make her own choice. Would you rather her smoke out of spite? Or share a vape bonding session? If she chooses to vape, think of it as another way to bring you closer, not an excuse to drive you apart

This. I would love to share the vaping adventure, journey, bonding, thing with my wife. Of course she smokes but thats a whole other can of worms. My point is it could be good for your relationship to do stuff together. You state she has been strong for so long maybe her strength is waning and this is her attempt to not start smoking again.
when she says "I'm going to do it whether you help me or not"the unsaid half of that sentence could be "because if I don't I will start smoking again".
As for the children both my parents smoked since before I was born and did'nt quit until I was an adult out of the house. I did'nt start smoking until I was 21 yrs old in the Army and started for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with what my parents did and my brother never did and still does'nt smoke. Kids are smarter than you think.
Set her up with a nice device 0 nic juice and enjoy your time together.

 

[hottierockstar]

If she was my GF I would take her on a whirlwind shopping spree and buy her the best device/juice/accessories I could find. Then I would take her out to dinner and vape over desert.

are you single?



OP
she is old enough to be your live-in gf and have a child but not old enough to protect herself from herself?
vaping does not lead to smoking.....smoking can and usually does lead to vaping tho....

i have a friend that didn't smoke for 9 years...now she vapes...she actually planted the ecig seed by coming around with a cigalike...i got vapegear and introduced her AND her husband to the world refillable/rechargable/VV devices.....and he is off of tobacco altogether

i have another friend that quit smoking for 20+ years....yep..she smokes again...she never vaped...but she started smoking again and hasn't stopped for the last 3 years

for me being told "i can do this but you can't...", chances are i'd already have gotten a better setup than what you use LOL

believe it or not...i think little girls look up to their daddy a whole lot more than their mommy so that "she's a woman thing" is just silly.


help your gf or she just might find a new bf that will...like Lerxst LOL

 

[Coulson]

Have we saved the relationship yet? Coulson does marriage counseling.