Parents these days are a lot younger than I was as a parent. And, it's not that I personally, would rather see my kid vaping than smoking (which I would, and was happy to comply with) but a lot of parents these days haven't smoked at all and do consider nicotine a deadly poison they have been informed to do so by the media.
I didn't really "care" (in a way it was more like I expected it) that my kiddo tried a bunch of illicit substances (and he certainly had the genetics for it, and I didn't expect him to "learn" much from being dragged to various and sundry al-anon/AA meetings, etc, he knew about the dangers.
Interestingly, he sort of "actively" sought them out, but cycled through them rather quickly and after his first "big" consequence (it was major) was really able to stop everything, but it was more like he wanted to try everything.
I just prayed a lot, mainly that he would get "through" his tendencies without killing himself or someone else. Facing a bunch of felonies, going through the court system and probation is what sealed the "it's not worth it" for my kid. Not anything I said and did mattered much. I watched the train wreck, intervened when I could, but I had ZERO expectation that he would stop until HE was ready.
As he's fairly smart, along with the addictive tendencies, his first brush with the law has been his last. And it knocked out that last little bit of arrogance in him without me being required to punch him in the face a bunch, and getting arrested for child abuse/whatever, well the legal system did a nice job, and while it was a HUGE pain, well, at least the kid learned what he needed to.
I realize the more hands off approach can be scary (and I was scared) but I also knew that trying to do anything OTHER than allow the kid to reap his consequences, which he did, because I certainly taught him enough about addiction from a very young age and whether he "listened" or not was kind of "his" deal. You can't MAKE an adolescent agree to, and sign on to a parental agenda most of the time.
So, nothing surprised me. THE SHEER NUMBER of drugs he reported to his PO ever "trying" that was a bit eye opening, but he clearly wanted to try everything.
The odd part is, he's not really an addict, he never really "latched on" to one thing, and doesn't even like to drink more than a beer or two. When he quit vaping, he didn't make a huge deal over it like I might. I don't think the kid was so much a "genetic addict" as someone who knew enough about drugs to know he wanted to "try them all," but the stuff that got him in trouble (psychedelics) was also non addictive.
So, I don't know how parents today "feel," but I definitely feel, past a certain point, parents are going to have to allow their kids to "leave the nest" in a way, and make their mistakes. I think they worry far too much about the wrong things (parents) and I don't think they calculate "what is" "better" than what.
In today's society, using a stick as a "gun" in play is bad news, in schools.
In today's society, "All substances are equally bad, harmful, etc."
It's odd, but that is sort of seeming to be the way it goes.... ANYTHING is bad and must be removed and all kids "should" comply. If they don't, bad things happen OR WEIRD ONES like this article, etc.
But, I don't think some of today's parents really understand "risk" calculations, nor teachers or schools, either. They are making some "disturbingly faulty" risk calculations, and some flat out erroneous ones.
Also, (and I hate to say it, but it is a fact) some teens will make deadly mistakes, for themselves and/or others. I don't know that we as a society (in general) enjoy accepting that fact. I certainly don't love it, but I also don't love the opposite pole entirely either. Teens will make some awful and deadly choices and it's awful.
But, as I like to say, "safe spaces are a myth." There is nowhere on this Earth to find a "safe space." Being born is a suicide mission, from the moment you emerge into it, we must become prepared to die, eventually,so what matters more to me than a safe space is a genuine, authentic life experience. So I mourn my mistakes, (and those of my kid) and just keep on moving forward.
There is literally, nothing else to do. I don't believe in protective bubbles, for kids, for parents, for anyone.
There may be things we could do to make kids as a whole safer, but given our current climate, I don't know that we CAN do much nor has it ever been "so different." I highly doubt. At least in an industrialized society etc.
Anna+
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