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How old were you when you came "out"?

Discussion in 'Gay Group' started by TxTrouble, Feb 10, 2010.

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  1. TxTrouble

    TxTrouble Super Member ECF Veteran

    Nov 23, 2008
    Near Dallas, Texas
    I am what some call a "late bloomer". I actually came out around 30. Ironically when I came out each one of my family members told me "I knew that". I kept thinking Hell why didnt you tell me. There was a definite strain for a couple of years but they finally warmed up. Of course they love my partner which definitely helps.

    I am try to figure out some ways to start up conversation in here. If you have any ideas run with them. :)
  2. maintchick

    maintchick Full Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 28, 2009
    Well hello. Finally got in on the group and am looking forward to more people getting in here. I came out at 21. Yes still kind of a late bloomer. It was so different coming out when I did versus today. We still aren't all the way accepted, but it is alot better now. Try coming out it backwards East Texas. Home of the Rednecks.
  3. Rexa

    Rexa Super Member ECF Veteran

    Mar 24, 2009
    New York City
    I came out to my friends in my early 20s. Came out to my brother and sister in my mid 20s. My father doesn't know (I really don't see him much nor communicate with him often) and my mother suspects but she's trying to deny it in her head I believe. Unfortunately, I come from an Eastern-European immigrant family with the typical severe backwards mentality so these kinds of things are taboo. It was probably in 2006 that homosexuality was "legal" in my country of origin. I basically live my own life though. As much as I wish I could be out to the rest of them I know it has more to do about them than about me. Otherwise, I could care less.
  4. RIAFlight25

    RIAFlight25 Super Member ECF Veteran

    I came out when I was 16... well let me rephrase that, I was dragged out when I was 16 :) My mom always knew (How the hell do they do that?!?!?)

    My mother is in a same sex relationship, my aunt has been with he partner for 22 years, my cousin with his partner for 13 years, my uncle with his partner for 3 years, my other cousin with her partner for 1 year, and IM sure theres a few more hiding in the woodwork of our family tree... I have homosexuality on both sides of my family, so needless to say I have a lot of support. We get together at xmas and its like being at a damn pride parade! :) The older I get the more I realize just how lucky I am to have an awesome family.

  5. bornagainst

    bornagainst Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 22, 2009
    Toronto, Canada
    17. Wasn't exactly the most masculine guy in the

    My parents figured it out early, and even with some of the headaches that came along with it, it was relatively uneventful. I was lucky.
  6. BiancaMontgomery

    BiancaMontgomery SQUIRREL! Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Jan 27, 2010
    North Carolina
    I didn't officially come out until I was 21. That's when I told my Mother. That was the hardest thing to do, but once that was done, I didn't have much trouble telling anyone who I thought needed to know. :)
  7. tpajames

    tpajames Full Member

    Apr 7, 2010
    Tampa, FL
    I came out to some close friends when I was about 17. As I got a little older, HIV began making the news, so decided coming out to family would cause more worry than anything else, so kind of stayed under the radar (so I thought). I met someone and moved from Savannah, GA to Tampa, FL and my mom politely asked me when I announced I was moving if she could ask me a question and promise not to get mad at her. She then asked me if I was gay and I was so thankful to finally be able to talk to her about it and told her yes, I was. Her reply to me was that she always knew I was very special and if being gay was what I was then being gay must be a very special thing. Still very proud of her for that reply, which gave me such a sense of freedom and acceptance.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. urbancowboy505

    urbancowboy505 Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Apr 16, 2010
    I am only "out" to close friends. The family is still in the dark. My father is relatively anti-gay and, though I don't really know how he would react, I haven't taken the chance yet.

    I think my mother would be ok with it. It sure would be nice to not have to keep brushing off all the comments about grandchildren and questions about meeting nice girls. I guess I don't really present myself as a stereotypically gay man, but she has asked me about it before and I have not had the balls to tell her yes.

    One of these days I suppose it will have to happen. Right now she seems more concerned that I will grow up to be a loner and die alone with only the smell to tell anyone what happened. She probably wouldn't be so concerned about that if I told her about the friends I actually do have. But, meeting my friends right now would almost immediately clue her in.
  9. BongoBob

    BongoBob Full Member

    Apr 11, 2010
    houston, TX
    I came out to my friends in freshmen year at highschool.. which would make me 14... at the time.. after a math test, i wrote a note to them telling them about my "Boyfriend" (lol i had met him online at 14.. what an odd relationship i've had with him so far. :pervy: )

    ANYWAYS. long story short, my mom was cleaning up in my room, and she found this note that i had written with a friend, as well as the picture of him, about a month later. and she freaked and hid in the bathroom for a few hours, while i stayed at my friends house because i was completely freaking out as well.. you know how it is.. you dont want to come out to your parents until you are ready.. i wasnt ready to tell them.

    My dad called my friends house a few hours later, and told my friend's parents that i needed to go home..

    so i went home, and my mom spent a good hour talking to me in the bedroom trying to understand everything.. she still never fully accepted it, and every so often she would ask me if i was still sure i was gay like every month until she died.

    but life is good! i'm generally out to everyone, but it's not obvious to others that i'm gay, so i'm usually getting the "... YOURE GAY?" reaction. haha
  10. William Johnson

    William Johnson Full Member

    Well, when I started figuring it out at 12 or 13, I began unknowingly coming out in the way I dressed and spoke and carried myself, I actually got kind of wild. But In my late 15's I realized that I was reacting to stereotypes and Began to be "me" and not what I thoughtsociety thought a gay man should be, I calmed down my dress and speach considerably. I actually came out to my Mother when I was 16, she just said I know and ccried. Mom has always been supportive. I came out to my dad that year too (he did not live with us at that point) and he said he accepted but he always tried to fix me up with Girls for like the next ten years, even while I was with a Lover and sometimes introduced me to Girls and tried to arrange "dinners" right in front of my Lover. He was a trip.
  11. bornagainst

    bornagainst Vaping Master Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Aug 22, 2009
    Toronto, Canada
    Hi William, welcome to the group!

    Don't be a stranger.

  12. urbancowboy505

    urbancowboy505 Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Apr 16, 2010

    I love that reaction! :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
  13. BiancaMontgomery

    BiancaMontgomery SQUIRREL! Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Supporting member
    Jan 27, 2010
    North Carolina

    Off topic, but bornagainst, ... is that in your avatar??? OMG!
  14. RainbowznStarz

    RainbowznStarz Senior Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 6, 2008
    Fairfax, Va
    <sneaking back in to ECF to answer this question>

    I officially came out when I was 30. I knew in HS but ignored it. As the years went by it became more and more clear what "those feelings" were and now looking back I realize all those little girls I wanted to be friends with reallllly bad, were actually crushes LOL.

    It's been almost 8 years since I came out and minus a couple bad breakups and ruffled feathers, it's been the best 8 years of my life. :)
  15. CloudBurst

    CloudBurst Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Jun 2, 2009
    Georgia, USA
    I was 38, married for 12 years (husband was shocked to say the least), 3 great kids and now been with my partner 13 years and now have 5 great grandkids. All is GREAT!
  16. Lorizgal

    Lorizgal Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Hi ya all! Well I came out officially when I was 22. But honestly I think in my minds eye I was out with in myself since maybe a junior in Highschool. I had met a couple of lesbians, when I was out finding a volunteer job, in the summer before I started my Junior year. They invited me to their house where I learned what I was missing in my life.....The love between two women. I stayed in contact with them for a long time after highschool and one day called up Kristy and said it's time I come out what do I have to do. They both met with me, talked with me, and answered questions for me; and here I am. Happy and very thankful that after 4 rather short turmutulous relationships I found my love on line. My mother, said when I came out sent me to a psychologist to learn how to live with myself and society.
    My wife on the other hand, her mother took her by the hand to the Psychologist and said " Fix her". She hid all her feelings buried deep down inside, married a man, had two beautiful girls and then came out, full blown knocked the closet doors right off their hinges at age 34. We met right before her 35th birthday, and have been together ever since. 11 years as of this past June. WE were officially married in British Columbia, Canada in 2004. So should anyone ever make a admendment for the definition of marriage to be between a woman and man only....we will become ex-patriots very quickly.
    Well that's me in a nutshell!
  17. jnnfrlsw

    jnnfrlsw Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 28, 2009
    East Central Ind
    I was outed to my mom when I was 22 by of all people, a "concerned' pastor. I had known for years before but struggled. Like alot of people I was raised in a fundemental christian home and being gay was a sin. I tried to be straight but it just felt so unnatural. It took some time but my family have accepted me. I have been out of the closet since then and will never go back. I have been with my partner, Marla, for 23 years.

    I have been on the forums for quite a while but just now saw the gay group-this is great. I Look forward to getting to know you all. Jenn
    • Like Like x 1
  18. CloudBurst

    CloudBurst Unregistered Supplier ECF Veteran

    Jun 2, 2009
    Georgia, USA
    That's a familiar story Jenn! I was in Seymour Indiana at the time, what they had to say "stuck" for awhile, I married and had 3 kids trying to be straight! Can't regret my kids but I sure hurt a good man in the process. Sometimes, I wish I had been a little smarter and educated as a young adult we are!
    Welcome to the group.
  19. PowerofParanoia

    PowerofParanoia Super Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 9, 2010
    San Marcos, TX
    I was able to come out when I was 12 (Early bloomer).

    Funny thing was, though, my dad found a boyfriend and came out when I turned 17.
    It was good to know that I wasn't alone in the family.
    • Like Like x 1
  20. Zapp and Roger

    Zapp and Roger Super Member ECF Veteran

    Jul 28, 2010
    Dayton, Ohio
    I was 22 at the time I came out to friends. I knew for awhile that I was bi-sexual, but at first deeply buried it. I was raised in a Mormon home, and it is hard to relate how that affects you. My friends were accepting, my mother and father are in denial and don't wish to discuss it still. The funny part of that is one of my younger sisters came out years ago and they have accepted her, even joke at times. :( How to take that?? Oh well, at least I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. :D

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