And how to get solder to stick to the outside so it can't be flicked off with a finger?
You're not heating up the joint enough. Check out the "how to soldier"
thread. Watch the videos. Soldier shouldn't be "globbed" on. Try tinning you leads, and heating the connector. You should not apply soldier to the iron, but rather the heated joint.
I can't give you much more help without a better description of the problem. Though it seems as the issue is poor soldiering.
As far as removing the post is concerned:
Pop out the post with a screwdriver or tweezers. Remove the insulator ring. You should have three separate pieces. Place the insulator ring back into the larger piece. Use tweezers to set the groove into plate. Once thats done, you can shove the center post straight in through the top. Push gently and firmly and it will pop into place.
r3dgh0s7 is right, this can be done just as easily without popping out the post. I prefer it this way for the sake of cleaner joints, heat shrink tubing, and my huge hands.