Yea, messed up is right. Dreaming like VIVIDLY about talking to dead relatives, and they are all like warning me about something but I don't know what, I dreamed that these giant pterodactyls were swooping down from the sky and eating my kids. I was locked inside a building and couldn't get out to save them. I dream about my mother a lot, about trying to communicate with her but she doesn't understand .. And a bunch of other weird stuff that just, really scares me. And I know, rationally, its just a dream but somehow I'm still not able to shake it off that easily. Maybe my body chemistry is out of whack and I have too many "frightened" neurochemicals going through my head, or something, idk... But I like, dont even look forward to going to bed anymore because I know I'm going to be woken up with this crazyness. Sleeping used to be my favorite thing to do too. Well, second favorite.
So yeah, it kinda sucks. But cancer would suck more so I guess i'll deal with it. Maybe ill try some yoga or detox tea or something.
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Fortunately, I can't remember mine except in a vague, nagging feeling kinda way. And enough to say, "yeah, like that" when reading about yours. Something so nutty, it should make you laugh but it's... that old word "dreadful" fits. Like pterodactyls? Now? Shouldn't that be too zany to take seriously? But you do. Even if at some level you have this weird, "this is stupid" feeling, you take it all at face value and it's freaking awful?
Bleah.
Yeah, it's got to be neurotransmitters shifting around and trying to adapt to what is really a very, very major change. Even having smoked for years, I was stunned at the sheer number of chemicals in modern cigs. Vaping gives you the nic, making it way easier to switch over, but several thousand (!) other things you were pumping in yourself without knowing have gone missing suddenly.
But, yeah, cancer, emphysema, heart attacks... those would be a lot worse than this!
And having actually stopped smoking after so many failed attempts, I almost have an "escaped prisoner" thing going. I ain't goin' back! No way. Nuh uh. Got too far this time. First ever "quit" where I did not
want to smoke anymore. The "don' wanna" is the stronger of the two now. That's never happened with "cessation" products. If I get any vague, wistful feelings about cigs, part of me reacts like it saw a snake and chases the feeling around with a hoe, trying to whack it to death.
Well... bad dreams won't kill me. Smoking? Can't say the same.
For fun, my brain decided to flip things around and try insomnia last night. So... the one time I need "drowsy", I'm not.
I suspect my neurotransmitters are having a temper tantrum...