Wait a cotton picking minute What about all this cell phone video I, uh... a friend managed to pull off of certain FSUSA Junkies' cell phones. Since it's illegal to hack into someone's cell phone in some states... well all 50 , I'm not going to name, names. For the record: I personally had nothing to do with the hacking and I'm NOT saying I actually viewed the footage. The same goes for any recently discovered spy cam footage.
However based on a collection of footage from cell phones, computer vids, and my personal home video monitoring system (I installed it to guard my FSUSA juices), I'm getting quite a different story.
It looks like while three unnamed female FSUSA supplier associates talking to each other on their cell phones, a couple accidentally turned on their video recorders. Not only are they heard talking about this mystery juice, it shows one of them cough Sal... laughing as she's putting the juice in bottles labeled Swedish Fish and Gummi Bears.
Next is video of a certain Texan talking to an unnamed South Carolinian SA about how quickly the juice would knock me out. This Texan was mentioning how well it works on his cows. The Texan is later seen putting this " tent and yellowish parachute in a big box. There's video of the side jaw/chin area of a certain Floridian SA making plane reservations to Chgo.
That's where my security cams come in. I see myself vaping some of this... PIF juice and zap! Lights out. The footage shows three unnamed supplier associates giggling as they enter my room, open the windows to make sure no lingering vapor put them to sleep, and they began to strip me!
I see even with the cold air blowing in through the windows, you ladies were truly impressed. I'm glad someone can now vouch for my NOT having any burns down there. And unnamed SA, no you weren't the first to say it's like a horse. Then these SAs began to put this tent thing on me. Oh medical geniuses, haven't you heard not to buy medicine from online pharmacies?
That wasnt ...... you geniuses gave me. It was AMBIEN! You overdosed me with Ambien on top of the zombie juice you had me vape. You geniuses are aware that one of the side effects of Ambien is serious sleep walking, right? I'm still foggy on a LOT of what happened after that. But judging from the emails, voice messages, and flowers I've received, I apparently Auld Lang Syned all over the place.
Still pretty foggy... However Capt. Aphrodisia; Commander of the Venetian Shuttle, told me that because you guys were transporting me towards Texas and they weren't aware of my location change, when they made a few attempts to teleport me to the ship, I kept colliding with migrating birds???? That does explains all these pot marks all over my body.
Because of these disturbing events, I have not only upgraded my security system to include a LOUD siren, I have officially organized the FSUSA Protection Section. With my video buddies... oh LD and Nixs, I have to warn you Dr. Pammy knows about the spy cam but I'll get to that later. Buck and Denrock, your paperwork is still processing. TexasT even before your check bounces you were REJECTED based on a report from the FBI (Federal Bureau of Instigations).
The Protection Section has been formed to protect the FSUSA Junkies and AB's FSUSA Cuties and even includes a K-9 unit thanks to LD. Back to the crimes perpetrated upon me... According to Capt. Aphrodisia, I had a moment of clarity which I vaguely remember. I recall discovering myself in this dark shack with pictures of nekkid women and cows all over the walls. Apparently I began posting online, Capt. Aphrodisia was able to locate my coordinates and rescued me. After making sure they had helped me work all of the drugs out of me system, they teleported me back home.
This is not over. The FSUSA Protection Section is on the case. I've reported TexasT to the FBI's IID (Internal Instigation Division) which already has an entire squad devoted to him and his female kinfolk. And Capt. Ambrosia ensures me they will transport me to Venus even more often for more intimate study.
I think I've cleared up my "friends" video prank with Dr. Pammy. Let's see what else... OH; Capt Aphrodisia wants me to tell Nixxs they are too afraid to teleport someone that plays with explosives, LD she says you're too young to handle their "experimentation", and TexasT she says even if you weren't to heavy to bring on board the shuttle, there's no way in they'd ever allow your to be within a hundred light years of them.
You'll earn you Agent's credentials much sooner than LD.
We're helpers; it's who we are...
